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Fri 17 Dec, 2004 03:50 am
I have so many problems right now that I don't normally have. I have this strange feeling like there are too many electrical impulses firing in my brain at once. That's the best way I can describe it. It's weird as hell.
It's hard to say if this strange feeling is a result of the lack of sleep I've been having, the fact that I haven't taken my medicine in a week 'cause I ran out and kept forgetting to call my doc, or just good old-fashioned, final-exam-week, my-ex-fiance-is-returning-from-africa-tomorrow-and-i-wanna-beg-for-another-chance stress.
The lack of sleep is due to the fact that I worked third shift over Thanksgiving break and have been unable to get myself back onto a regular nighttime sleep schedule. (It's 4:32am here right now.) I started taking a melatonin supplement, which normally works great for me when I'm messed up from working nights. It hasn't been working though, because whenever I lie down to go to sleep, I'm plagued with thoughts that I don't want to deal with so I get up and do something else. It's terrible. The only time I can get any sleep is when I collapse from utter exhaustion, and that normally happens during the day.
The medicine I mentioned that I haven't taken in a week is Paxil, an SSRI (for depression) that I've been on for a few months. It works so well for me, that when I'm on it, I feel like I don't need to be on it anymore because I'm doing so well, I can't imagine ever reverting back to my old weepy self. It's funny how one tiny pill can seem to change you so much. But it changes me so that I feel like *me*. In the past few days, since the meds have worn off, I feel like a different person that I don't like. I've cried 6,257 times, most for the stupidest reasons ever (like when I was watching Sex and the City season 4 and Carrie and Aidan broke up... I sobbed... it was so embarrassing. I really don't take TV that seriously...)
As for the stress, ya'd think it would be better now. I took my last final today, so now it's over... for a month. Now I'm just worrying about my grades, which is weird for me because I don't typically worry about stuff I know I can't change, and it's too late to change anything about my grades now.
Anyway... so... yeah. I feel like a mess. No wait, I am a mess. My ears are ringing. I have trouble keeping my thoughts straight. I think I might schedule a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I don't have anymore refills anyway, so I have to.
Um. I don't really know what kind of help I'm looking for from you guys. Wait, yes I do. I want someone to invent a method for sleeping without going through the process of falling asleep. How great would that be?
Discontinuing Paxil abruptly will result in severe withdrawl symptoms. That's what you're experiencing now. Any stomach cramps? It'll do that too. You shouldn't even miss one dose. Talk to your dr., figure out some method of organization to keep you on track with your dosing and refills. If you do decide to go off it, you must do it gradually under a dr.'s supervision.
I was on Paxil for many years. After a while, it just stopped working for the depression. SSRI's can do that. Now I'm playing the trial-and-error, see if we can find something that works game. Not going very well.
Anyway, go see your dr. and good luck.
Get thyself to your doc asap and get back on your meds! For the reasons already stated, it's a dangerous game to play quitting cold turkey and all of the symptoms your described can all be tied to your meds.
Don't expect an immediate feel good response when you do start up again, it will probably take a few days or even longer. The sooner you get started though, the sooner you will begin to feel better.....
Good luck to you! And I'm sure you did great on your finals.
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