did i truly loved her

I was in school at that time when i first saw her i clearly knows it was physical attraction but things change somewhat when we became friiends it was like all i wanted was to talk to her everyday and became more emotional towards her .She had a boyfriend at that time .After sometime she died. Now even after three years i still feel something whenever i see her texts , facebook posts and image.Even now i just wanted to get close to her and just hold her and be with her for my entire life .But i'm afraid all that i feel isn't love as i have at times thought of her sexually , imagined two of us getting intimidate .I have decided never to be with someone else my entire life as i know i would never feel such hard feeling for someone else in my life.If I had a chance I'll just leave the world and be with her and just be there everytime for her. But still it Hurts thinking whether i had truly loved her or was it just a lust,.