Need some marriage advise from Bi persons POV (long post)

Reply Tue 22 Aug, 2017 11:21 am
Don't know if this the right place, but here it goes. A year ago I found my husband on a bisexual gay dating site.
He confessed he is curious but nothing happened, never the less I didn't take it very well which I am ashamed off I should of been supportive I should of talked to him about it not shut him down after baring his soul. (Something I deeply regret)
Anyway fast forward and after promising me he won't go on the site again he has been on it twice and both times he has denined it.

I don't know if he is gay or bi, we have been together for 8 years married for 7 he watches straight and gay porn for an intelligent guy he forgets to close the web browsers after watching (which I ain't bothered about)

I don't know if he is attracted to men I did see his latest profile and all he wants is to suck co** and have it in his bum and he doesn't want anything in return.

I dont know if I should just leave it and let him finally admit it, just I really love this man I love him so much you have no idea (yes I know if I love him so much I should of been more understanding about his confession but at the time we were fighting about other things and then that happened)

I am frighten that he might turn out to be gay (which is fine so long as he is happy I am happy) as that me and him won't be longer married and this saddens me as he talks about our future together about the grandchildren we will have together. Plans about the places he is going to take us. He is affectionate to me holds my hand, gives me kisses cuddles me and very over protective of me.

So I think he loves me I hope he does. I just need some bi married peoples advise I don't want oh leave him blah blah blah as me and him have been threw so much more than any married couple I know to chuck it all in over something like this. Call me a fool a hopeless romantic but I really love this man. I just hope he loves me enough to come clean or maybe he loves me to much to tell me the truth? I don't know maybe I will never know and I am stupid on staying with someone who can be so reckless with my heart. But I guess love is love you can't help who you love.

I may not reply straight away may take me a couple of days but thank you anyone who has taken the time to read this.
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Reply Tue 22 Aug, 2017 06:13 pm
Dreamerofdreams wrote:

I don't know if he is attracted to men I did see his latest profile and all he wants is to suck co** and have it in his bum


Well I don't know if he's attracted to men either. This seems rather vague.
Reply Tue 22 Aug, 2017 09:34 pm
What's your sex life like with him?
Reply Tue 22 Aug, 2017 11:49 pm
Depends how tired we are, as we have 3 kids. If everything is normal sometimes every night, if one of the kids are poorly maybe three times a week. He has no problem in the department and he always makes sure I am Satisfied always do it with the light on so I guess that's a good sign 😂 Threw out the day he is all touchy cuddles or at random smacking my bum but he has always done that even before we were married
Reply Wed 23 Aug, 2017 05:32 am
Could you live with him just viewing the porn? You say he is viewing both kinds of porn. Does it bother you that he looks at other women? Is he seeking hookups with other women?

He needs to be very honest with you about why he is acting provocative on any web site.
Reply Wed 23 Aug, 2017 05:46 am
I don't mind him viewing porn, he hasn't hooked up with any women that I know of. It doesn't bother me that he looks at other women so long as it is a look. But it is just this bi sexual gay site he goes on now and then wanting to hook up with men I don't know if he has hooked up with them or not he has said on his profile he has met a couple.

But to be honest he is around me 24/7 as he works from home and I take care of our children. I mean he sometimes goes out but when he does it is round his friends and they play on video games and my son plays online with them. I don't know I do think he has probably experimented when he has said he has gone to his friends but I don't know he won't tell me if I mention it or any forms of talk of bisexual he gets very defensive even if it isn't directed at him.

I just wish when he confessed the first time that he was curious that I took it sympathicly and wasn't a complete b!tch to him. But he has never in our whole time of being together once hinting on any level that he has hose feelings, I mean he has been with a lot of women in his youth even his dad jokes about it.

I don't know maybe it is just something he has to go threw I hope that one day he will tell me the truth. But I think deep down he will never tell me the truth, Sad
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Reply Wed 23 Aug, 2017 06:10 am
If he is hooking up with another person(s) - male or female - that's a health issue and you must insist that he reveals this.

Sounds like you reacted the last time he tried to talk about this. Tell him you are ready now to have a calm discussion about this issue and it can be done in front of a counselor, where everyone feels safe to express themselves.

(Strange that his father brags about his son's conquests of women. Suppose he has suspicions, too, and that's a coverup?)

Reply Wed 23 Aug, 2017 06:47 am
I don't think his dad has a clue.

I tried to talk to him about it a couple of months back and he went bizirk wouldn't talk to me about it and walked off but then came back again and I carried on talking about it and he wouldn't have none of it. Kept saying why bring it back up. Was very defensive about it.

I don't think it is women he has met up with as I have been on the bisexual site and it is all men on there wanting to hook up with other men. Pretty much half maybe more are married men wanting a quickie.

But it is hard to try and have a heart to heart as we are never on our own even on the nights as his father lives with us. Today the kids have driven us round the bend and he broke down in tears saying all he wants is us to have alone time and we never get it (not in a sexual way alone time I mean actually spending time together that is just me and him) i said once the kids are older we will get the alone time back. Plus we have next week as he actually booked some tickets to see a show it will only be a night to our selfs (haven't had one of them since our eldest was born and that was 5 years ago) but at least it is a night we rarely get.

Sorry I went off on a tangent then you really didn't need to know all that just been one of them days with the kids lol thank you for replying to me
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Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2017 01:22 am
Hi Dreamer. I'm a big believer that if you put everything into your marriage and he strays, then he doesn't deserve you and you're free to find someone who does. From what you've said there's 2 problems. 1st, not enough time together; get your father in law to earn his keep and babysit. You must, must, must get out together and have fun together.

2. His sexuality. Best time to talk about that is during a 'sesh'. Talk about your fantasies, ask him about his, bring up any gay fantasies. More info will help. But sounds to me though he's able to keep his bi-side a fantasy, so long as he's happy at home.

PS. remember some fantasies are best not explored so don't even try any MMF 3some experiments. Good luck
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