Wed 12 Feb, 2003 02:18 pm
What is the Chupacabra, you ask?
Well, my friend, 'chupacabra' is Spanish (or as GWB would say, 'Messican') for 'goat-sucker.' But don't just take my word for it; according to the Skeptic's Dictionary, "The chupacabra ("goat sucker") is a beast said to be unknown to science and systemically killing animals in places like Puerto Rico and Mexico. The creature's name originated with the discovery of some dead goats in Puerto Rico with puncture wounds in their necks and their blood allegedly drained. According to UFO Magazine (March/April 1996) there have been more than 2,000 reported cases of animal mutilations in Puerto Rico in the last two years attributed to the chupacabra."
Many have dismissed it as a legend, but recent evidence has been unearthed to suggest that the Chupacabra is real, and is none other than Ann Coulter.
The similarities are too eerie to ignore:
Ann Coulter: Is a gross media creature bent on lies and slander in pursuit of fame and money.
The Chupacabra: Sucks the blood of farmyard animals, including chickens, rabbits, sheep and of course, goats.
Ann Coulter: Hates liberals with a blinding white-hot passion.
The Chupacabra: Eyes glow dull red in the night.
Ann Coulter: Belives she is the target of a vast left wing hate campaign.
The Chupacabra: Believed to reside in swamps and caves during the day.
Ann Coulter: Shameless, even when caught in lies that would embarrass Goebbels.
The Chupacabra: Remorseless predator.
Ann Coulter: Favorite of Rush Limbaugh.
The Chupacabra: Will attack a small child when animals are unavailable.
Ann Coulter: Misrepresents facts of others at will with little regard for truth or even the basic concepts of journalism.
The Chupacabra: Often uses deceit and treachery to lure prey out into open.
Ann Coulter: Questionable credentials w/r/t qualifications as a writer.
The Chupacabra: Place of origin unknown.
Ann Coulter: For all credit given for her 'wit', is about as smart as a turnip.
The Chupacabra: Does not like turnips or any other tuber.
The Chupacabra: About four feet tall when standing erect with huge red elongated eyes, grey skin that is part fur and part feathers, short arms with claws, legs like a kangaroo, and a line of sharp spikes down the middle of its back.
Ann Coulter: Ditto.
So far, the media response has been to 'protect their own', and I have been mocked and vilified for even bringing up the similarites betwen Ann Coulter and The Chupacabra. But their game will end soon. Even a blind squirrel can find a nut now and then, and it's only a matter of time before members of the 4th Estate come around on this.
It seems Ann "Thrax" Coulter has finally grown weary of hearing the men of New York, including the bald ones, tell her they're too busy washing their hair that night:
Human Uzi Ann Coulter, who left Washington for New York because of the disappointing dating scene, has left New York for Miami.
The following picture was snapped recently in the Miami area by an alert operative:
Notice the striking similarities: the slimy exo-skeleton, the multiple grasping arms, the protruding emaciated hipbones, the poisonous stinger tail, the gaping needy hole that dominates both her stunted intellect and her lower thorax......
Invetigative teams are flying out to Miami now; more details as they become available.
has the Florida EPA been notified? i think the Center For Disease Control would also like a heads up.