Jealousy?....

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Hey everyone,
I'm new here. I come on sometimes and see that you guys give out good advice, and now I am asking for your advice on my situation. Some of you will laugh and say "you call that a problem?", well for me it is.
Recently, I have found that my friends are jealous of me. How do i know this? they have pretty much said it to my face. The first story: one of my friends use to like this guy we'll call him dave.
So she asks me if I would go with her to this place because she knows he will be there. SO she ends up talking to Dave, and I sat there pretty much the whole time not saying a word because I wanted them two to get acquainted as much as possible. The next day she wants to meet up with me and says something important is up. I go and she tells me how Dave called her right after we left from seeing him, and asked her if i had a bf and what I thought of him. Then she tells me "see what I mean, and you ask why am I jealous of you?" I didn't know what to say to her. Later I find out that the only reason she brought me along was because the rest of our friends didn't want to go. She also tells me that two of our other friends feel the same about me because one of their boyfriends said that i was pretty (he didn't mean anything by it) but she thought he did, and that's why my friend never wants us three to go out together. She always says something childish like "You look good tonight, I am sure Bob would say the same." I really only have one good friend (and for that I am thankful for because I know how hard is to find a good friend these days) I've known her, her whole life. She's 18 and I am 20, she's like a sister to me, we can count on one another any time. But I still feel alone at times. These other friends of mine, well I just really don't know what to do or even whether to call them friends. They'll call me to do something small like coffee but rarely ever something fun like clubbing. I know I am not a boring person that's for sure. I'm all about going out and having a good time but it's kind of hard when you have friends like this. I go out when I can and pretty much focus on school. I can't say I'm goodlooking myself but others tell me it always. I don't know what to do ? I for one will never understand this, that's why I am asking you guys, if you can make sense of this. I never answer their phone calls anymore, maybe that's a mistake.
What I am pretty much asking here, is:
1. Why are they acting like this?
( I have never done anything to hurt them. I am a really honest person.)
2. Should I make new friends?
(which is tough these days)
3. Or just stick with my bestfriend?
(which is what I am thinking of doing)
I will greatly appreciate your advice guys,
Thanks Smile

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1) I don't know why they're doing this to you. And by "doing this", you mean being jealous, right? Well, Girls can be viciously competitive when jealous. And girls are jealous and insecure when they have a friend that they find significantly prettier than themselves. I once had a roommate (pretty, hot AND a stripper) that I swear my bf at the time fantasized about. But she was a good friend so I kinda took it in and nagged at him instead. But it did change the way I treated her sometimes when he was around. It was like having my jealousy nerve being pulled.

2) You should always try to make new friends.

3) Stick with your best friend because she has earned your trust and not because you have no option.

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chika--

I don't know you and I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. All the same, your post reminds me of a very unscrupulous woman I knew 40 years ago who complained that her roommates were jealous of her--that all women were jealous of her and this was so unfair.

Unfair or not, she flirted with every man she saw. One of her favorite techniques was "explaining" her friends to the men they were dating. Somehow these explanations always wound up with a bit of physical consolation....

As I said, I don't know you--you may be completely different from the woman I knew long ago.

Are your other "friends" younger than you are? Two years of development can make considerable difference in a woman's poise and charm and general sophistication and allure.

By all means, be loyal to friends who treat you with respect and kindness. The more friends you have, the better off you are. Now that you know your reputation--undeserved or not--be completely scrupulous about flirting with any dates of any friends.

Coffee? Clubbing? What else do to pass the time? Is it possible that most of your social contacts take place in a world devoted to meeting men and dating men and eventually marrying men? What do you and your friends do as people? Do you ever see men as friends rather than dates?

Don't poach--or even seem to poach--your friends' love interests. Keep expanding your world and your circle of acquaintances. Old friends and new friends are both assets.

Good luck.

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...
No, actually I would never do something to hurt my friends or family. I'm a big family person and give everything I can to them, and would rather die then to hurt them in anyway, same goes for friends. I barely talk to my friends boyfriend (and i see him once in a blue moon). I will tell you a story of one of my friends however. She is a very attractive girl, can get any guy she can with the snap of her finger, but she is not in any relationship. When she hears that one of her friends has a sudden interest in a guy, she somehow starts talking alot to that guy and becomes very flirty, and the guy ends up asking her out rather than the other girl. Many girls have been hurt by her act, but I still continue to hang out with her at times. This is where me and her differ, she does it purposely, and then says "Is there a law that I can't talk to this guy". I on the otherhand not saying i'm pefect but If I know a friend of mine likes some guy I wish them luck on it and don't care if I meet the guy or not just as long as he's good for her. If I do meet him, I barely speak a word to him and pretty much stare at my friend and laugh at her jokes all night,
I think I know what you mean by the woman you met 40yrs ago, and I know a girl that fits her descrpition,
I think about it, and obviously these friends of mine don't know me at all.
I have never made a move or stared at a guy the wrong way who I know my friend likes. That is just total opposite from me.
That is why I came here asking you guys, if you were ever in a situation like this and what did you do?
I hope I made myself clear this time
Thanks again!

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chika--

Don't ditch your insecure friends, but find yourself some others. Start doing activities that have nothing to do with meeting men or dating me.

Enjoy!

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...
Noddy
When I go out, It is not about finding a guy. I am only 20 years old, when he comes, he comes. It's just that I find they only invite me over to their house when noone is around or go out for like an hour or two and that is it. I told them endlessly how we should do something like latin dancing, or join indoor soccer, because I like to keep active, and they just brush it off. I don't like the way they treat me, and the funny thing is they are not even ugly they have always been pretty to me. I don't know whether to stick to them, because they make me feel like crap when I think about it. They only call me when they are bored and have nothing to do. I don't know whether just to tolerate because I am good at that, but it makes me feel worse and worse each day, or just to let them go. Also the thing I'm afraid of is If I stop hanging out with them they will think of me as stuck up or something.
It's all so confusing, and to be mean to them and give them attitude I can't, I am not good at that or telling them exactly how I feel because to me that would be rude even though they are being rude to me.
Do you get where I'm coming from?..This has been going on for over a year and It just irritates me and makes me sick and I feel alone because of it. I talked to my mom about it, because her advice has always been great and she is the greatest friend a person can have, she told me that I should just stick to my best friend and try and make new friends and that these friends of mine aren't worth any of my time. I have done nothing to deserve this, honestly, so I don't know.
I am really just wondering if anyone has been in the same situation as me.
It would help a lot. Thank you so much.

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chika--

Your best friend sounds like a friend.

The others....they aren't interested in doing what you want to do; they feel insecure about their boyfriends around you; they talk about you behind your back....

Are they friends? Or people you were once close to, but have outgrown?

Don't ditch them--replace them. You're "only twenty" but you're a big girl now. Explore Latin Dancing and Soccer and whatever else you want to explore on your own. Scary? Sure--but overcoming fright is a part of learning to be a larger and more complex person.

New activities mean new friends. Maybe none of the new friends will be real soulmates--but you don't have a lot of soulmates in your life now.

You don't have to have dramatic farewell scenes with these girls--you just need to learn to smile and chatter and move onto a wider world.

Good luck. Hold your dominionl

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I completely agree with Noddy (not for the first time!)

You can do the things you want to do without the support of these so-called friends.

Try soccer and latin dancing - you could meet a different crowd who see you as yourself.

We only have your word to go by, but you sound like a good friend to those worthy of you. You may as well accept that some will be jealous of you because of your looks (which you imply they are).

As for the one who always hangs out with her friends' boyfriends - consider that maybe she feels "safe" with them, and try to have a friendship with them, whereas she feels she can't avoid sexual attention from single guys.

I know that a female friend became more flirty with me, recently, at about the same time that I started seeing someone. On discussing this with a mutual friend, we agreed that it was probably just her being more comfortable with showing that side of herself to me, now I was "off the market" - just for fun - not that she was coming on to me. People behave in strange ways - not just 20 or younger. I'm talking about 30somethings, in my case! Laughing

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chika-I feel for you girl. I am a 26 year old female and I have had a similar problem. A few years ago, this unattractive girl (on the inside and out) absolutely hated me. No, she wasn't one of my friends even though we hung out with the same people. She was SO MEAN to me. SHe would yell at me at parties and I thought she was gonna beat the crap out of me one day. I finally found out why about a year ago. She was madlyin love with my boyfriend at the time. I had no idea for so long why she hated me. But it all made sense to me after that. Now when I see her, I smile at her and say hi. That may sound crazy but my mom always taught me to kill my enemies with kindness. That's exactly what I did, and eventually, she was nice to me. If you show these girls they are getting to you, they will eat it up. That 's just how a lot of girls are. They can be very jealous. Maybe they are not true friends to you. Your true friends will always be there no matter what and be happy for you. The girl that wanted "Dave" just probably really got her feelings hurt and took it out on you, even though it wasn't your fault that he liked you. Honestly, if I were you, I would rather have one best friend than several so-called friends that are not going to appreciate you. I know it may hurt not hanging out with them a lot anymore because you are probably so confused by all of this, but if they don't treat you as good as you treat them, maybe they are not as good of friends as you think. Good luck!!

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...
Kelly - That's exactly what I was looking for, if anyone had a similar situation because I could not make sense out of any of it. I never did anything to them to deserve that kind of behaviour and I tell you that with all honesty. My mom said pretty much what you did to me. My best friend has been great towards me throughout the years, and I think I should just pull away from the others and stick to her and find new friends along the way. Thanks for sharing your story!

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Jealousy?....

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