Rephrase my run on sentence.

laurajean,

"I" probably shouldn't be used on a resume at all (the whole 'there's no "I" in TEAM' thing).

i tried, but i couldn't figure out a better way to write that sentence... the commas are ok btw

"Being detailed and efficient, with the ability to multi-task and adjust to new situations quickly while providing professional customer service, are certain to be assets for your company."

Here's my try:

"The abilities to multi-task efficiently, quickly adjust to new situations, and provide professional customer service are certain to be assets for your company."

It's not perfect, but it's.. progress? lol

(It's really hard to avoid "I".. You can't use "my", can you? That would make it sound perfect >_> -sigh)

I've been taught that you don't need to use whole sentences...

"Multi-tasking, adjusting to new situations, and providing professional customer service."

The idea is, if you can't multi-task efficiently and adjust quickly, you wouldn't mention these as positives. So no need for the adjectives. And the whole "... are certain..." end of the sentence is also obvious from its place in the resume -- If you didn't think they were assets, they wouldn't be there!

Wy,

You really can't just list 3 noun-phrases in writing and call it a sentence. It doesn't mean anything.

Somehow, I agree with Wy. :wink: Since you are writing a resume, you don't need sentences. Resumes are more effective if you list down your qualifications than if you put them in a long sentence.

Thanks, mimilo! Stuh, I never said that was a sentence. I said you don't need to use whole sentences in a resume...

"They" also say to always use the active voice. Be concrete in your examples -- if you increased sales, tell how much. If you made a process faster, mention how much faster -- "Eliminated two steps in a seven-step procedure, saving three hours in the processing of each order." (Again, it's not really a sentence -- it's a mention of your achievement.)

Perhaps that's what you meant, but you said:



I didn't even notice that this was for a resume!

Well, to me it looks wrong as it is. It basically says "being (that I am)........, are certain to be...." Take out the "being" and just have the list of attributes as the subject, and then it will agree with the "are". And it'll be one less word long. I'm not really hot stuff in the resume-writing department, but giving sentence fragments to people you're trying to impress does not strike me as wise.

Stuh, you're right, that's what I said. The first sentence of the original post says that laurajean's trying to shorten the sentences in her resume...