Love is an activity, not a feeling

I thought PaulaJ said it in a thread

Um.

I'm thinking she might have been talking about sex - a different animal altogether than true love. But it is nice when they happen together.

I think love can be a choice...and once that choice is made it is something that we do, as you say, an activity. I think to keep love alive it has to be active, not complacent. It needs to come across in word and in deed, in thought and in heart. And it is like a garden that we tend and nourish and hopefully watch it flourish. Even in times of winter and cold or frost or drought. As long as the seeds of love are not abandoned, they will grow.

I am so waiting to bask in the garden of my love....

I find that love provides me with feelings that lead to certain um....activities....so ...maybe a little of both?

<nodding>

Interesting.

Thank you for your replies.

Let me first say that I considered dropping the words "my wife" off of the end line to see if it pulled a different kind of response. I wondered - should I post it to the parenting category, or the english category, or the quotes category or the books category, because I did feel sure that by posting it here that the sexual implications of "true love" would be over-riding.

I ended up posting it here because all of the "does s/he like me", "what should I do" type of questions I see in this category.

When I read the passage I found myself thinking - what would I feel if Mr. B or I were injured or sick and sex couldn't be part of the love equation.

Or, how does this relate to the people I love that sex is not a part of the relationship.

People like Little Mo.
Or my dad when he was dying from Alzheimers and he forgot he was my dad.

...true love is the disciplined generosity we require of ourselves for the sake of another when we would rather be selfish...

True, sometimes sex can be a selfish thing and it sometimes requires disciplined generosity. But I really don't think that is what the author meant.

Think of true love in a broader perspective than your spouse and let me know if you agree with this rather practical, non-romantic definition.

It's a very wise statement; no matter whether it's neighborly, sisterly, spousal, animal or friendly love.

I believe love is a decision not an emotion...

boomer, how often we have discussed this emotion here, and in our minds. I have found over the years, that in reality, just looking without touching is the most important part of the litmus test.

The ability to talk, one with the other, is the beauty and only true part of the life that we have here. We want what we can't have, and we have what we don't want. It is the ability to reconcile the two that makes the ultimate but superfluous contradiction.

Try telling that to the butterflies in my belly when the right guy comes along. Or when a tear rolls down my face cause my boys skinned his knee or when my daughters good grades are recognized.
It's not a choice but a reaction.

"The ultimate but superfulous contradiction".

I find myself nodding in agreement and thinking I need more time to digest it.

Contradictions are so intreuging.

And I understand the gut reaction - the skinned knee instinct. But I think too of the times that I'm at the end of my rope and I have to dip into the well of my true love generosity when what I really want to do is draw the blinds and be alone.

To me, such activity is the exhibit of my true love.

To want what we can't have....

Contradictions are intriguing, aren't they?

Kind of like when you're trying to analyze the "practical, non-romantic definition" (of true love) by saying that it is "to want what we can't have".

Not following... Although I'm truly trying to.

It's not the "it" that you want, its the fantasy of it.

Fantasies and obsessions can only exist if their objects are not in your hands.

The moment you attain something, you don't and you can't want it anymore. The whole sense of mystery is gone.

Be careful what you wish for, not because you'll get it, but because you're doomed not to want it once you have it.

I don't agree.

For some people that is true, but I appreciate what I have, when I achieve it... there are things I have chased for a long time, and now that I have them, I intend to keep them forever.

It's a big generalization to say that everyone wants mystery... For myself, I'm tired of it. I just want life to give me good things to cherish and enjoy

Welcome to A2K Mr. Bain and Aurora Dark. Thank you for joining the thread.

I won't pretend to speak for anyone else but to me the contradiction/wanting what you can't have/be careful what you wish for come into play when love matures into true love.

When a persons wild streak of individuality starts to read like irresponsibilty.

When the protectiveness you adored becomes smothering.

Sometime the things that make you fall in love are the same things that make you insane after a few years. Falling in love is easy; staying in love is hard.

...and if life were easy, we would all be terribly bored. :wink:

"It's not always rainbows and butterflies it's compromise that moves us along. My heart is full and my door's always open you come anytime you want."

--band I don't know the name of singing a song I can't remember the title to

I was just thinking about something that happened not long ago...

A beautiful man came to the photo studio to have his portrait done. He was very handsome, a doctor no less. I'm sure he had a lot of women chasing after him.

He was having his portrait done so that his family could arrange his marriage.

When I asked him how he felt about this I was surprised to hear that he was very excited about the whole thing. Arranged marriages work better than ones based on romantic love was his contention - romantic love grows from these partnerships instead of being the basis of them.

And yes, it would be boring is life and love were always rainbows and butterflies!

It is always the journey that makes us humans strong.