I want my ex back!!

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I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. I broke up with him on October 5 and I want him back so bad. It was very childish the way I did it (I sent him a text message telling him to basically lose my number). I know it's pathetic. I left him because I was mad at him for going out while I was out of town when he usually never goes out to bars. Again, extremely stupid and childish. We still hang out about 2 or 3 times a week. He still tells me how much he loves me but never mentions us getting back together. I don't really bring up the issue either, but a few days ago a got him a card and gave it to him pretty much begging him back. HE simply responded by saying the card was very touching and that he didn't really know what to say, and that was it. Since the card, he has still come over and still has not mentioned it. I don't want to press the issue but I also want to know if he has any plans on us getting back together. I guess I still have some hope since he is still coming around and still telling me he loves me. The thing is, he is my soul mate. I really, truly feel this way and I know he used to feel the same (don't know if he still does or not). After I broke up with him, he told me that he used to not have a doubt in his mind that I was "the one", but that he didn't know anymore. What is the best way for me to handle this situation? Should I just keep hanging out with him and hope that one day he wants me back or should I let him go for now? Twice since we have broken up I told him that we couldn't hang out anymore because it was too hard. But, I always went back on my word because he would tell me that he didn't want things like this and how much he loved me. Maybe he just wants to have his cake and eat it too. As you can probably tell, it is very hard to get him to talk about his feelings. I really love him so much. Not only was he my boyfriend, but also my bestfriend. I really need help because I feel like I have lost the person I am meant to be with.

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Well you could tell him how you feel explicitly. But I'm more curious about this 'cake' he's eating. You still sleeping together?

You say you've told him several times that you can't hang out together. Talk about mixed messages. If I was him I'd be pretty confused. Probably quite pissed off in fact.

He's probably wandering around the block in the dark singing:

Artist: The Clash
Song: Should I Stay Or Should I Go

Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here 'til the end of time
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?

Always tease tease tease
Siempre - coqetiando y enganyando
You're happy when I'm on my knees
Me arrodilla y estas feliz
One day is fine, next is black
Un dias bien el otro negro
So if you want me off your back
Al rededar en tu espalda
Well come on and let me know
Me tienes que desir
Should I Stay or should I go?
Me debo ir o que darme

Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
An' if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know

This indecision's bugging me
Esta undecision me molesta
If you don't want me, set me free
Si no me quieres, librame
Exactly who'm I'm supposed to be
Diga me que tengo ser
Don't you know which clothes even fit me?
?Saves que robas me querda?
Come on and let me know
Me tienes que desir
Should I cool it or should I blow?
?Me debo ir o quedarme?

Should I stay or should I go now?
?Yo me frio o lo sophlo?
If I go there will be trouble
Si me voi - va ver peligro
And if I stay it will be double
Si me quedo es doble
So you gotta let me know
Me tienes que decir
Should I stay or should I go?
?Yo me frio o lo sophlo?

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I should be singing that song to him
Yeah, I'm still sleeping w/him. Actually, about a month ago he knew I wanted us to get back together. HE said he thought it was better if we didn't because he's about to graduate college and the stupid fighting we were doing was affecting his grades. So he knows and has been knowing that I wanted us to get back together (the card just affirmed that). Now he graduates a week from today and still no talk of us getting back together. I'm actually the one who is getting pist off and hurt from the situation. It's strange, but maybe it's his ego or something. I really hurt him at first and maybe he's in a way "getting me back". I think he also likes the fact that he can be with me when he wants and still do whatever else he wants no questions asked. Therefore, I don't know if it's really a good idea for us to still be hanging out when I don't even know if it's going anywhere.

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If you dropped him because he went out when you were away I imagine he's enjoying his freedom, especially since he can get sex any time he wants and do what he likes the rest of the time. Sounds awful.

Well I guess you've got to let him know where you stand and stick to your decision. And be prepared to hear the worst. Of course that means that you have to sort out in your head what you want.

The revenge and anger stuff is irrelevant. Can't change the past, but you can choose the future.

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Thanks for the advice. I know it's probably not good that we are still hanging out and sleeping together but I think it might be harder if we just completely stopped seeing each other (even though it will obviously happen one day if we don't get back together). We broke up once before for a month and I acted like I didn't care anymore. Maybe I should take that approach again because he came crawling back to me. It's wierd how that stuff works. HE knows now I am here no matter what, and he does have that freedom to do what he wants. It's the best of both worlds (for him) so why would he want us to get back together and lose that freedom. It just blows my mind because a mutual friend of ours told me last Saturday that my ex called him so upset because I just told him the day before I couldn't do this anymore. And another mutual friend of ours told me my ex asked her not to even mention my name around him because he gets upset. But yet we still hang out and he sees me but he doesn't want anyone mentioning my name. Very strange to me. Confused

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I am going to give you some advice very straight up.

HE WILL NEVER CHANGE! HE WILL ALSO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS 'RELATIONSHIP' TILL IT BORES HIM AND/OR HE FINDS A NEW ONE!

I am sorry to be so blunt, but I just threw away ten good years on someone. I can't change a damn thing, you at least have that luxury - think hard.

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Kellybelle--

My guess is that your boyfriend sees you as a congenial companion for his college years, but doesn't visualize you as a part of his future.

Back in October you flew into a jealous rage and broke up with him. Undoubtedly this hurt his feelings. Quite possibly the incident triggered his common sense. You have a volatile personality. He needs peace and quiet to concentrate.

Opposites attract--but the attraction doesn't necessarily last.

I find it interesting that on this thread you have not mentioned what sort of person he is, but have described him solely in relationship to you.

I wouldn't count on an engagement ring for Christmas,

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I really appreciate everyone's opinion, even though most of it hurts to hear. My ex is a very loving, affectionate, overall good person. He does have his downfalls though. Our relationship pretty much existed at my house. We didn't have too much of a social life together because he doesn't like to go out and spend money on food, alchohol, etc. This was very hard for me because I am a social person. Even though we do have many similar qualities, that aspect of our relationship made me very angry at times. Now that we have broken up, I have realized that the grass is always greener on the other side. I have been going out binge drinking just to keep my mind off of him but it makes it worse. I want my life back with him watching movies every night. I never realized how happy I was doing that until I lost him and got a taste of single life. We did talk about getting married and having kids quite often. It was set in stone that was what we were going to do eventually. And it was always him bringing up the marriage talk, never me. I do think he had his doubts about me though because sometimes when we would get in a stupid fight, he would bring up the issue of breaking up. He has a really bad temper and would get mad at me easily. The way I lashed out on him for going out in October was really not like me at all. I have an extremely laid back personality. It usually takes a lot for me to get mad. I think we just needed a break and that we will get back together. But until we both decide our future, I think I should keep my distance. It's just so hard around the holidays. extremely hard.

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kittybelle--

Holidays are always occasions of high emotion and this year you're particularly susceptable to the lure of tinsel and bright lights.

Please be careful with the drinking. Right now your love life is complicated for a sober woman on the straight and narrow and there are no good answers in the bottom of a bottle.

Can you get away for some of Christmas week? Does your family live close by?

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I haven't drinken in over a week. I realized that it was just making me more depressed. I'm living with my mom right now. I really can't leave for the holidays because I need to work (it keeps my mind off of things). I will be fine. I have a lot of friends that love me and a great family. It will be very hard over the holidays because this would have been Chris and I's 4th Christmas and New Years together. But I'll be okay. If I don't get out of this depression I know a good therapist that has helped me deal with problems in the past. I am going to tell him next weekend (after his graduation) that I can't hang out with him like this anymore, and take things from there.

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kellybelle--

Good planning--both for coping now and for later in case you can't cope.

Give your mother a big hug on Christmas. She's been very worried about you.

If you have some empty time, explore A2K. We're an interesting conglomeration.

Good luck.

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Thanks Noddy! you're awesome. Give yourself a pat on the back and have a good week. I will check out the rest of A2K. THis is very interesting. Things are looking up already. It's amazing how a complete stranger can really make you feel good. God bless you and Merry Christmas.

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Nevermind. I completely don't want him back anymore. He is acting like a total jerk and he doesn't deserve me anyway. I am starting to hate him. But thanks everybody for your advice.

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This all happen because of a text message?

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Guessing done by strangers who know neither of you may not be the best idea. A trusted friend who knows both might be better if you have faith in them. Here too there may be a bias for one or the other. As one who has been dumped after 35 years of marriage I know I'm not likely to get back together again. Knowing her the way I do I feel the same thing would happen again and it's not something I want to go through once more.

Do I thinnk this is what's going to happen to you? No. But it might. This is only what happened to me. Clearly the signals from both of you do not add up to a satisfying relationship. Less wavering from you might pave the way to more conviction with him. Trust has to be renewed. But this can only be done with the enthusiasm of both. Good luck.

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Yes this did all happen because of a text message. But, it would have inevitably happened anyway. I think we just both want different things and it is time to let go. He called today and was begging me not to get off the phone with him because we hadn't talked in a week. But it's all a convenience thing for him. He wants to see me on his terms and I always give in. I will never get over him if I keep doing this. And if things are meant to be between us, they will be one day. You never really know what you have until it's gone, and I'm not gone yet. So I will be very soon. He thinks that I will always be around, kind of waiting for him. But little does he know, I'm about to get really, really strong and cut this off once and for all.

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and Bobs, you are very right. This is not the first time we have broken up. We would get in a fight and he would say, well do you think we should break up. I would always say no, but sometimes it would happen anyway. Very immature I think. There are 2 sides to every story and I am not an angel, but I would like to think I'm pretty close ( that was what he called me "Angel")! So yeah, if he broke up with me once, who's to say he won't do it again.

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I really do hope you find the strength within. It's hard to let go of someone, there's no doubt about that. Keep yourself busy. I know it sounds too cliché but it does help.

Oh, and another thing... Out of sight, out of mind. :wink:

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thanks superjuly! You are right, out of sight, out of mind. But lately it's been like freak out time because I hadn't heard from him in a few days. But sometimes, absence makes the heart grow fonder! I will be strong though. I've been trying to work a lot, even though people notice I'm not the same, always happy person as I usually am. I have faith in myself and I will get back to that person I was! MErry Christmas.

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kittybelle--

Keep right on being strong minded--no relationship is better than a situation in which one partner does all of the giving, all of the compromising.

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I want my ex back!!

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