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Mon 24 Jul, 2017 01:42 pm
Hi,
I am 25 years old and have been in a relationship with a guy I am absolutely head over heels in love with. But sadly, our relationship has brought me more grief than happiness. I still continue to be with him but I cant get over some of the things he has done to me (Just to be clear he has never cheated on me and claims he wants to spend the rest of his life with me) and I feel I have tolerated too much and I have reached my breaking point. However my boyfriend thinks I have a hyper active mind and I make up things (I am extremely emotional and attached to him on one hand and very self assured on the other so its a pretty strange combination). Anyway coming back to the point - He has done many things repeatedly and now I just feel this relationship is doomed - Example : One year back, in February I got pregnant, I found out after almost 55 days and that is anyway over the legal period of abortion, in my country you have to be pregnant for less than 49 days. DAY 1: I found out in the afternoon when I was at work, I called up my boyfriend and asked him if he had any plans in the evening, he said no, so i told him that we should meet and get dinner - he agreed. I told him to call me when he leaves work (We stay about 5 kms away from each other). At around 7:30 pm in the evening I called him to find out where he had reached and at that point he informs me that he is on his way with a friend from work to check out a food tour 45 kms away. I asked him what happened to our plan and he said that he was about to inform me that he had to cancel (btw this happens once a week and sometimes twice- him cancelling on me last minute for friends or family). Anyway, not wanting to wait any further I told him to talk to me on message because I had to tell him. After hanging up I messaged him and he read my message and didn't reply at all. At around 1 am at night he starts calling me and naturally I am at this point very upset but I try not to show it. I tell him I had decided to go to the hospital tomorrow and start the procedure. He asked me if he wants me to come along? I remembered that he had an important day at work so I told him not to take an off and instead carry on with his meetings and see me after work. Day 2: After taking half day from work, I started my abortion procedure, took me 4 hours to finally find a hospital that would do an ultrasound (most had no appointments or long waiting hours). Finally I took the medicine the doctor gave me and she told me that I would feel queasy for the next 2 days and then on the third day that she would give me another medicine that would finally complete the process. I called my boyfriend in the evening to check if I had gotten free but he didn't pick up my calls and neither did he reply to my messages. He had said he would come over for dinner. Anyway I kept waiting and finally he called me at around 2 am and I could tell he was drunk. He came over after that and could barely stand and came passed out on my bed (went for drinks with colleagues and got drunk).
Day 3: he felt really bad about how he had behaved (I of course went back to my passive aggressive self and was not talking to him much and not sharing enough about what the doctor had said or what came up in the ultra sound - I had heard the heart beat and was quite upset about it. ) He came over after work with cookies and said that he had booked movie tickets for us but I refused to go. One i was angry with him but more importantly I was extremely dizzy and queasy. Anyway I went to the movie with him but felt really sick so I kept asking to leave but he wanted to watch so we stayed.
DAY 4 (finally procedure): he was sweet enough to book a nice hotel and came along with me to the hospital and I was in a lot of pain throughout the night after the procedure.
Day 5: We were supposed to go for a friend's farm house brunch party but I was bleeding a lot and had cramps so I didn't want to go but he said that the friend would feel bad so he decided to go and left me alone. Went there got drunk, took a bunch of snapchats that I saw real time while I lay down in bed in pain. Came over at 11 pm at night.
So what do you think ? Should I be upset with him ? Am I being unreasonable when i say I wish he had been more caring. Also, did not pay a single penny for the procedure. I paid for all of it. I just have not been able to get over this, i keep wondering if something major were to happen would he be there for me ? I mean you have to be a certain kind of a person to leave your SO alone when they are sick.
How did you get the abortion if it's illegal after 49 days, and you were 55 days at least?
@doel10,
This man disappoints you on the little matters, why do you think he would be there for you on such a big matter?
Also - you are very inconsistent in what you say and then what you do. No wonder you have put up with his behavior for this long. You are part of it!
Only you can decide if you want this man in your life in the future. But it doesnt get any bigger than this to reveal his charactet.
@PUNKEY,
Thanks Punkey. I know I am to blame, I feel a certain way and say a certain thing but get carried away if he makes the littlest of efforts.
@chai2,
Well not particularly proud of it but I researched that the my country's laws err at the side of caution and in other countries they let you do it up till 22 weeks so I knew it was safe. since it was just a week apart its difficult for doctors to tell the difference so I told them I did not remember exactly so they did a rough approximate based on the incomplete information I gave them. Also, the only reason I brought this up was to explain why I was hell bent on doing it right away and not wait any longer.
Abortion is legal in England up to 24 weeks under the Abortion Act 1967. However, if there is a substantial risk to the woman's life or foetal abnormalities, there is no time limit. In most European countries it's 12 weeks but Cyprus is 28 weeks, Finland is 24 weeks, Spain 22 weeks.
@doel10,
Then why did you say this in your initial post?
doel10 wrote:
I found out after almost 55 days and that is anyway over the legal period of abortion, in my country you have to be pregnant for less than 49 days.
In any event, I personally don't care whether you had an abortion or not.
You lost me at the first line where you say you're absolutely head over heels in love with. Then, like so many others, male and female you go into what a **** head he is.
To say you time though, I'll address your obvious next post of "You don't know me", "You can't judge me", "You're just mean", "I just came here for advice", etc.
@chai2,
You missed out jealousy on your part, because obviously you must be some dried up old spinster who's never been kissed.
@izzythepush,
Quite right. I charge extra for that.
@chai2,
We've all got to make living somehow.
@chai2,
Hey !
No, I would not have said any of those things, but you do sound really bitter though and I only say this because of your closing sentence not because of what you said about me.
You are right, when you look at it objectively I come across as a pathetic person for being in love with somebody who can't treat me properly and that is exactly what I find very unsettling. Anyway, seems like you would not take this kind of **** from your SO so I kind of admire that.
@doel10,
Oh crap!
I forgot about bitter. Shame on me.
So, care to explain this....
I found out after almost 55 days and that is anyway over the legal period of abortion, in my country you have to be pregnant for less than 49 days.
@chai2,
Let it go.
Personally, I've never yet met a person who is fully rational about everything in their life...myself included.
@vikorr,
Doesn't have anything to do with her rational behavior with boyfriend.
I'd like to know how the limit to her being able to get an abortion changed from a number of days, in which many women would not even have known they were pregnant, to months.
It's pretty much a lynch pin for me of this whole thing that she apparantly is making stuff up.
It you don't like it. Tough.
@chai2,
The let it go comment didn't come from me "not liking it". It just seems to me that you are hanging on to something pointless.
@vikorr,
Pointless to you.
To me, it's key.
Guess the operative word here is "seems"
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