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Mon 29 Nov, 2004 12:18 pm
The Boob Poem
For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out!!
I'll trade you even-steven for Mr. Jellyfinger...
PDiddie wrote:I'll trade you even-steven for Mr. Jellyfinger...
Do i still have to cough?
Ya know Im a little kinky... I might LIKE mr Jellyfinger....
There are some men who derive pleasure from the sensation.
I am not one.
My rectum is an exit ramp only. There's a little bitty sign in there that says, "WRONG WAY"...
(Yes, yes, I know there are other threads devoted to this topic.)
PDiddie wrote:
My rectum is an exit ramp only. There's a little bitty sign in there that says, "WRONG WAY"...
Just make sure the sign is pointed in the right direction...
That was an excellent poem, shewolfnm and so very true
If you don't mind, I'd like to give a copy of it to the technician, the time I have a mammogram.
I posted this just in case you have never seen it.
Oh, the manogram. I've had that done, but it was voluntary, and I paid a hefty sum. I was a bit wary about the ladies in lingerie who escorted me in, and their 'doctor' credentials. Thankfully, they took the health card I stole from a passed out vagrant as ID.
That was a damn funny poem, BTW.
cavfancier wrote:Oh, the manogram. I've had that done, but it was voluntary, and I paid a hefty sum. I was a bit wary about the ladies in lingerie who escorted me in, and their 'doctor' credentials. Thankfully, they took the health card I stole from a passed out vagrant as ID.
That was a damn funny poem, BTW.
I remember that movie......... Only, it wasnt women we dressed up.... they were sheep.