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Thu 25 Nov, 2004 12:24 pm
Both mine and my girlfriend's. Good times.
To put it simply and without the background, we're in a long distance relationship, which is one fo the contributing factors to my girlfriend's depression. She is on meds and is in therapy, but with little progress yet (she's only been seeking treatment for three weeks now). I've been trying to support her as best I can and she relies heavily on me, mostly because for now, I'm one of the few things that makes her happy.
The unfortunate thing is that my own life is being rather stressful right now (finishing final year of university, applying for grad school, etc) and I've been feeling myself slipping into depression as well. Unfortunately I know what it feels like, having been through it before and not having dealt with it very well.
I don't feel that I can tell her about this because I know that she will take it as being her fault and will feel worse because of it. However, I hate keeping things from her because honesty is one of the foundations of our relationship. We keep no secrets.
I really don't know what to do about this.
Oh, and if there's anything I can elaborate on or clarify, just ask.
Thanks
Time for a therapist.
Sorry if that sounds flip, but you need to care for yourself at this point in time. And if she asks about it, or if it comes up, say you are in therapy to deal with your long-distance relationship. Which is the truth. Is it the whole truth? No. But you need not reveal every little nuance and, you're right, it might be a good idea to spare her a bit in this area. It doesn't mean you can't tell her the full truth in the future. And, assure her that it isn't her fault. I think that's all you can do - you care for this woman but you must think of your future. You have to be able to finish school, and you are not responsible for her happiness or mental or emotional health. She and her medical care professionals are. Your role is to be supportive and loving and, like you said, not add to her burdens. But you need not feel guilty if things don't get better. Sometimes, unfortunately, they just don't. Let a professional handle that side of things. Time for you to concentrate on you.
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