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Thu 25 Nov, 2004 07:28 am
Sorry, I am not very good explain things so it is a little long for u to read.
4 years ago I met peter. We met in a language school in Japan. Peter is pure american and I am a asian. Although me and peter`s personality are very different, but we fall for each other with no time, and he would do what I asked him to, even it is a very silly thing to ask for. We were going well for 3 months. All the sudden I found myself so in love with him...but I did the most stupid thing, which is I choice to break this relationship when it is still going well. The reason I did that was because since I was a child I have been move from country to country in every year or two. And I am afraid to fall for someone because one day I or he will leave.
After I told him to break up, I hide myself from him as long as I can. however, we have common friends together so we end up bombing to eachother. So we thought maybe we can just be friends because we will see eachother anyways, but we end up having sex sometimes.
One year later, I had to go to a school in a different island so we only see eachother once in 3 months. When I am back for vacation we would hang out and sex as usual till he has a new girlfriend....After he told me he has a girlfriend I freak out and told him that I want him back, but he said he has already give me a chance but I didn`t grab it. At that time, I would get drunk often and lie to him that I missed the train to go home and have to crush over his place. (by the way, he hates when I am drunk because I once beat a guy on the street, and other time I would go nuts at him) I did so many crazy things but he would still remind a friend with me. We remind a friendship like this for another 2 years.(additional, they break up after dating for few months, due to she has to go study abroad)
(sorry this is the last part of the story)
Till one year ago, I was still the same, I would get drunk and lie with a stupid excuse to go over his place. but this time, he said no. he said he know I can still catch a train to go home and he has work tomorrow. I wouldn`t listen to whatever he says and show up at his door at 2 am. He got very very angry and told me he doesn`t want to talk or see me anymore. (the end)
I need advise now because peter and I have not see or talk to eachother for 1 year already, and my friend is going to set up a day to drink with him 3 weeks later. My friend asked me to go but he said peter didn`t know I will be there. So, I am very scare now. I don`t know what to do.... What should I do to get him back? I have quit drinking soon after what happened a year ago, and I realize so many things I did was wrong...
THank you so so much for reading it. I would be very happy to hear your advise.
I don't think you're going to get him back. Sure, you can show him that you've reformed and stopped drinking (that's great!) but it was also about lying and clinginess. And he was right when he said that you'd had numerous chances to get things right again, but you didn't feel the need to take them until he had a new girlfriend and no longer needed a sex buddy. Because, I'm sorry to say this, but that's exactly what you became to him. He may not have said so openly, but really, when people have sex but not the other trappings of a relationship (going out together, spending time together, showing the world that they care, etc.), then that's pretty much what things evolved into.
So, you can go, and you can be sweet and sober (uh, since they are going to a bar, I hope you realize that if you want to show this guy that you are no longer drinking, you are going to have to have sodas all night and be the designated driver). But don't hold your breath. I suspect he's moved on, but he should (if he cares for you at all, or if he ever did) be delighted that you are getting your life together. He also may very well go to the bar with his current girlfriend. So be prepared to be civil to her - none of this is her fault, of course.
Use this as an opportunity for closure. If it rekindles, great, but if it doesn't - and like I said, I don't think it will - accept that and use the night as a springboard to moving on.
Thank you for your replying jespah.
You are right about what you said and I could not agree with you more. Just that, if there is any way or any chance of getting him back I would do it. I was planning of staying in Japan for only 2 years, but I stayed here longer for him. (ofcourse, he did not know I did that for him) If no matter how hard I tried and it still not work, like you said. I will still pray the best out of him. Overall, learn to love someone also need to learn to let go with best wishes.
About my drinking problem, I will not drink anymore. I am a person who is hard to change my mind but once I make up my mind, I stick with it.
Thank you again for your message. It is a very good advise.
My pleasure and welcome to A2K!
And hey, you're not so helpless after all. :-D
ayoyo- needing help
Big Chuck
Dear BigChuck,
Thank you so much for signing on just to reply my message. I am not sure if you will see this message but I still want to say thank you.
I would love to hear your advice because you have been to the same problem before. Although it is a short message that you wrote but I can feel your sadless just by reading it.
As for my age, I am in the mid 20s. Was your age the same when you fell in love with the girl? I can`t wait for your reply. I would love to hear your story. I would love to hear your advice.
Sincerely, Ayoyo
Dear Big Chuck
lol... Thank god that you are able to read my english but I am still trying to study english better. Can`t let peter and myself down ah!
Sigh... When I was reading your unfinish story. I felt you have been though a hard time after not seening that korean girl. Your story really touched me because it is like I am reading a story about myself and peter. Just that I am the guy part in your story. hee... However, I really think Judy still thought about you. Even though, you two have not seen eachother for so long, but I am sure you have a place in her heart. Gee... I wish I can just grab you two and stick both of you together! It is just so sad what happened to you and Judy.
I want to know what happen after you read her message. anything going on?
If you can, I really need to hear your advice of what I should do, you know...about me and pet.
Thank you for your story!!
Dear Ayoyo,
First of all my heart goes out to you. I don't really know how I can help you in this issue because I have never been through it in this matter. You say that it has been a year since you have talked to him? Have you dated anyone else since? There are 2 phrases in life I have heard, yet they both contradict one another, they both have to do with distance. 1st Absence makes the heart grow fonder. 2nd Time and space heals the heart to forget. I don't know which one of these best fits you or Peter. Maybe when you see him you may find that #2 has set in your heart and that both of you could become really good friends. As I always like to say expect the worse and only hope and pray for the best.
Best of luck to you my heart is with you on this one!
go for it!
Hey girl. I think you should definately go meet up with him as long as he knows you are going to be there (you don't want to look like a stalker!). Also, try to find out if he still has the girlfriend because you don't want to get in a love triangle. OTher than that, I say go for it. You sould like you have changed a lot and hopefully he will see that. If you do go, DON'T DRINK whatsoever. Keep an open mind and try to regain his friendship. I think you should definately go because you don't want to wonder for the rest of your life what could have happened. Just don't pressure him to get back together with you right away. Remember that you did hurt him and you have to gain his trust back! Good luck!!
Dear Kellybell,
Thank you for your advice! You are the first one so far thinks I should go for it! Thank you honey.
There is a very good point you said [ go meet up with him as long as he knows you are going to be there]. After I read your message today, I called my friend who is going to set as up for a meeting. I told him to let peter know about me going too. Right now I am really afraid he will not go if he know I am going...if he is not going, then I guess I should just forget about him and move on???
Find out what he told your friend first about meeting up with you. If he says no, then just try to not get too upset and remember that you did hurt him. If he says yes, then go for it. Just play your cards right. Let me know what happens!
Dear BigChuck,
I am very sorry for the late reply. Actually, I have read your story right after you post it on, but somehow I couldn`t come up with words to post on. Because your story really really touched me, and it put me through a lot of thinkings. I have read your post over and over agian to make sure I didn`t miss anything that you said.
As I read though your story, it puts me to think about my past, and how will I be if I give up waitting pet. The more I think the more my mind is
mix up with too many different part of pieces in my brain.
However, I am really happy to hear your happy ending with your wife. It really puts a hope in me. Doesn`t matter if I will end up with a husband that loves me back, or not. I would love to believe that I will have a same ending as yours.
BigChuck, THANK YOU for your sharing of story. And sorry that my mind is really mixed up these days so what I am saying might be hard for you to understand. I have to stright things up by my own for a while, and hope you still will be a good helper(listener) as your are now. THank you thank you thank you. Seriously, thank you so much for sharing.
Dear Ayoyo,
Hope all is well with you. Merry Christmas to you and family..I will check back from time to time for new postings.
Big Chuck
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