getting involved with a gay friend?

If you care for someone, and they are unattached and feel the same, have a relationship with them. If not, don't.

Notice how there's no sexuality modifier in that paragraph. If you can see yourself with a person, then be with that person. You would not be the only person, ever in the history of time, who started off straight and then realized you were suppressing homosexual tendencies.

Or, perhaps, you aren't. Perhaps you are straight through and through but just, like you said, you want to get laid. Or you are rationalizing things because you like the easiness of your friendship.

Ask yourself this: if your friend was a woman, what would you want to have happen? Would you pursue a relationship, or not try to mess with the relationship? Would you allow love to happen, or would you maybe think about why you've been unable to get close to other women?

I suspect that's the case, that you are not super-close to a lot of women so you are looking for intimacy and are seeing it in only one place. But it doesn't have to be that way. Most assuredly, the next woman you meet will not be as close to you as your friend is now, but these things take time. I suggest that you at least try to have more close friendships, with both men and women, with both possible sexual partners and with people who you would never think twice about being with romantically. I think the urge here is for emotional intimacy, and not for a particular type of sexual encounter. If you have more emotional intimacies, you will have more choices in this area. And then, maybe, you will choose your friend, or you will choose a different homosexual relationship. Or maybe you'll choose a heterosexual relationship. But I urge you not to choose a relationship simply because it's the only one out there. That's a recipe for disaster, no matter which type of sexuality we're talking about.

If this were a column in "Savage Love", Dan would be jumping all over the incident when you were drunk as evidence that yes, you are bi. (And remember that's a third option, you don't have to rule out future relationships with women if you decide to go for it this one time.) (And you don't even have to label yourself that far.)

This really reads to me as looking for justification for going ahead with it, and I don't see any reason why not from what you've said. If you want to -- and I really read this as you want to -- that is important in and of itself.

I agree with what Jes says about going into a relationship because you feel it's the only option, though. Additionally, what do you think will happen to your friendship if you enter into a torrid physical relationship and, for whatever reason, it doesn't work out? Will you be able to go back to being friends?

I would just think it through...sex changes a friendship...no matter how mature you think you are ...one person always seems to get hurt...but i wish you well.

Maybe you are gay or bi and don't want to admit it.

Maybe you haven't met the right girl yet.

Maybe you haven't met the right guy yet.

I don't think a purely heterosexual person would allow a "homosexual sexual incident" to take place...no matter what level of intoxication.

Jespah nailed it.

the only option?
I think the replies I've gotten so far are well thought out. There are some good insights.

On the subject of this being my only option, I wouldn't say thats quite right. I do have female friends. I just don't seem to connect with any of them. I don't like thinking that I'm just using my friend, which is the feeling I get from the posts here.

More important is the afteraffect if we try and fail... I honestly hadn't thought that far ahead, though I understand whats at stake.

I'll have to give it some thought.

Well, it's not that it's your only option, it's what you yourself are saying - that you don't seem to connect with others.

So the logical advice is, try. I know that may be harder than it seems and it certainly will not happen overnight. You have to have some patience to make this happen, and it may very well not happen with anyone you currently know, but reaching out to other people is worthwhile, no matter what your motivations are.

PS Welcome to A2K.

bunny; it's not about sex, it's about love.

sex is a continuum; love is a commitment.

if you really care about him, and want only the best for him, then perhaps you do 'love' him. That does not mean you are necessarily gay or bi, just that you care.
Wanting to get 'laid' does not mesh with potentially harming the emotional well being of one for whom you care.

[the mouth can also be used for communication! :wink: ]

I would not try to have a physical relationship with my best friend. Friends are very hard to come by, lovers not!

One of my best friends is of the opposite sex, and we've
been platonic friends for 20 years. At one time, when
I just had ended a relationship, my friend was having romantic feelings towards me, but I did not act up on it.
In time the feelings passed and he had entered a new
relationship and was happy.

Point is, I kept a valuable friendship for life and this is far
more important to me. We would have eventually separated as a couple, I know so, and once you're lovers, friendship
is out of the picture.