Love and in love are not the same. Discuss.

I think this checks out for most people.

Being "in love" refers to the heady feeling of infatuation characteristic of the initial stages of a romance. And while it's nice and all, I've never found it to be sustainable — nor would I want it to be. As with any sort of intoxication, it's a very subjective experience and has more to do with the way you feel rather than a realistic dispassionate appraisal of the situation.

How you feel after you've fallen "out" of love is more significant, if not as exciting. Do you spurn the feelings the other person once aroused and resent the time and energy you've invested? Or, feeling valued and accepted, do you accept and value the other person as they are, for what they are, and not as the embodiment of some personal conceit? Being strongly "in love" may be transient, but it has its uses. Especially when, years later, you recognize the characteristics in the other person that led you to fall "in love" with him in the first place.

I agree with your well written take on this. I had asked because sometimes, over the months and years of being at a2k, some posters appear confused about it.

Younger ones, maybe? That's all they know about, falling in love. They cannot, for obvious reasons, have much notion of the more mature kind of love which (hopefully) comes later. You hear about people who seem addicted to falling in love, but who cannot (or will not) move on from that, like emotional speedfreaks.

Also in Britain, I don't know about elsewhere, we have this concept called "lurve", which roughly means "nauseating excessively sentimental and romantic infatuation".

Emotional speedfreaks, now there's a good phrase.

I've seen the word, likely many times, but I didn't know its meaning past the odd spelling.

I seldom link to videos, but I just love this from Doris Day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkiI_aFiPMg

I noticed that Jan and Dean sang it too, hmm. Jan was my physics lab partner for one day. He ditched the class. Dummy me re physics had no lab partner after that.. for a whole semester. Things didn't go well. Most of the other couple of hundred physics students had taken it in high school, only two of us raising our hands that we didn't. Bad news, bears.

What piece of **** is slamming me, all these years later?

i had never heard of being addicted to falling in love but that was part of the person i 'fell in love' with and 'loved'... and she was 61, i 63... i later found out that this has been a cycle or pattern of hers her whole life.. and when she ended things she had not talked about any issue with me.. all i've gotten out of her is that no, she doesn't trust in relationships, that she can't count on anyone, and that she is always disappointed... this was a year and a half longer distance thing, where we relied on social media and messaging more... (advice- don't).. why does an otherwise very normal and charming woman go out and seek situations when she knows she will make sure they fail through lack of communication? and i'm someone who needs answers so i can put things in their proper place and move on taking what i've learned with me...