feeling sorry for myself

Hi Class..

Humm...I think you should quit being so down on yourself right now. Just because your social calender isn't filled up, it doesn't make you a looser.

And did you honestly expect the friends that you chose in college, to not become attatched to a relationship somewhere down the road? It doesn't mean that you picked the wrong friends. They are still your friends...

We have all experienced that lonely feeling at some point in our lives. Its up to you to do something about it, not those that you chose as friends. Make other friends and move on...keep those lines open for those that you cherish and you'll see that they will still be around.

But I do have a question? You mentioned a roomate and a best friend? You mentioned thier awsesome group of friends? Why do you feel that you are not included in that group, or do you make yourself unavailable?

You know...there is not one person I can think of...that has all the friends they can handle. I personally love making new aquaintances, and I have found there is always room for one more. Besides, those friends of yours that are involved in a relationship are all giddy with it, I know you remember what that feels like? Don't hold it against them......when things calm down, they'll come back around.

And if the hopeless feeling is as bad as you say it is, then maybe you need to see your Doctor for some help. That doesn't hurt.......But just hang in there......Your the only person that can make YOU happy.

Hi Class...

I totally understand what you're saying. I'm in a similar position, but more like I have no friends because, unlike you, I didn't manage to keep in touch with old friends like you did so well. Maybe you haven't made the wrong choices afterall. Sometimes some people simply move on, and what used to be, isn't anymore...

You have innumerable options and plenty of new choices to be made ahead of you. You seem to be someone with a rather active social life. Believe me, some people don't do half of the things you do, hon. Take your time and try out new things. What are your hobbies, for instance? Let's say you enjoy amateur photography, painting, etc. Whatever they are, you can sign up for a class or something and you'll definitely meet new people who will have at least that in common, which is a great start. Plus, this roommate of yours... You can try hanging out with her and her friends for a change. You might meet someone that is your roommate's friend's friend, that is looking for a friend too. It's all a part of networking my dear...

Another thing too. Maybe this "not being able to make new friends" thing lies within you. I've got a bit of that... People are just different at some point in time in their lives. Like me. I used to have a sh*t load of friends. Always have had that groupy thing up until a few years ago, when I started dating someone (a-ha! It does impact one's social/interpersonal life afterall...) and drove my friends away... Now, that I'm single again, it's hard for me to imagine myself being that goofy-and-full-of-people-around-all-the-time type of girl just because I haven't been that way in so long. But if it's within me, than it'll eventually come to a turn around and I'll be having friends over all the time in no time. Or maybe not... Who knows?

Do one thing though. Avoid the feeling unhappy thing just because you don't have as many friends, or THE friends that you wish you had... It ain't worth it, and it is probably an unrealistic feeling of sadness... There's gotta be something else that bugs you other than this that might be accentuating it. Enjoy this "free time" (I'm guessing you spend quite some time alone) to nurture yourself and find out the things that you trully enjoy and oughtta be doing... New friends will come along and the ones that really matter will stick with you no matter.

All right, all right... Enough with the shrink talk...

re
Thanks (: I would love to make more friends, however it's not easy. I have made a few friends at work, but as i said, they do have their own social life outside of work. We go out very occasionally, but when we're at work we talk all day long. My roomate is my best friend. We have been best friends since we were 9. however she has a boyfriend and she also has a seperate group of friends from me. She rarely includes me with these friends. I have sometimes felt like i'm not good enough for these friends but i imagine that is my own insecurity. Most of these friends of hers have boyfriends or are getting married.
I guess i'm feeling like i dont fit in with many people these days. And the fact that i'm not in a relationship when so many peopel i know are makes me feel like perhaps i am just undesirable to be around. My mom just tells me, it's not your turn.

I knew there had to be something else behind it all. So you feel like you're not good enough... you're insecure... you feel left out...

Dear... You can't expect people to come to you and ask "hey, wanna be my friend?".... This worked when we were all about 8...
I said it before and I'll say it again... You need to first take care of what's bothering you, really. Not being able to make new friends might just be a consequence of it.

What makes you feel insecure? You should start there... a critical auto-analysis.

I hope this helps...

When I was at this same point in my life several years ago, friendless (it seemed) and manless, I began to look for friends in people I encountered during my daily comings and goings. I eventually struck up a conversation with a very stylish woman on my commuter train and we began riding the train together to work every morning. This was back in 1984. Altho' I no longer live in the same city, she is still one of my closest friends today.

Stick your neck out, class. If you see someone often and you notice them, chances are they've noticed you also. Start with a smile, then, if it's returned, later on offer a' good morning' (or whatever) and then, try and strike up a conversation. Always be aware of not coming on too strong (people are more suspicious these days, for good reason) and don't take a snub personaly. If it happens, just set your sights on someone else.