Some things you won't hear a redneck say:
My gawd, wouldja lookit that ... oughtta be a law 'gainst a girl her age showin' that much flesh in public!
Why thank you, yes. A Sauvignon Blanc would be wonderful.
There's too much fat on this steak.
Oh, aren't those deer cute!
Ugh! How can you eat that?
I was partiularly thrilled with the aria in the second act.
Excuse me, I seem to be lost. Could you direct me to the next town?
Oh, no thanks. One beer's enough for me.
Rook to Queen's Bishop 4, Mate.
Just pick up Jeff Foxworthy's book or a couple of his CD's and your all set. :wink:
-Paris
You know you're a redneck when you try to think and you get constipated.
Jeff Foxworthy:
"If you've ever had your nipple bitten off by a beaver- you might be a redneck."
Re: i need some You might be a redneck jokes
ok heres some red neck jokes
you might be a red neck if u lost ur home in a car wreck.
you might be a red neck if you refer to the fifth grade as your senior year
you might be a red neck if youve ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog
you might be a red neck if the fireworks stand gives you a volume discount
you might be a red neck if u listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim
last 1
you might be a red neck if u ever drove around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm
I hoped this helped (,,,)(>.<)(,,,) *>*
From August 2005 REader's Digest:
What's the last thing you hear before a redneck dies?
"Hey y'all . . . . watch this!"
You might be a redneck if your 14 year old daughter smokes and so does her kids.
If yo mama keeps a spit cup by the ironing board cuz she dips snuf, you might be a redneck.
An A2K-classic! Look how old this thread is!
How funny to see this thread revived on the day that my friend sent me....
Quote:HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN? ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT.
A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00).
He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin It's mid-winter; and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR.
They decide they want to make a natural-looking open water for the ducks to focus on, something for the decoys to float in. Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action:
They light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...???
Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: The dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice.
The two men swallow, blink, start waving their ! arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhu barb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his Master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab.
The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator.
The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog's rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master.
Then " "" "" "" "" BOOOOOOOOOOOOM "" "" "" "" ! ! !
The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with "I can't believe this just happ! ened" looks on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments.
The dog is okay. . .doing fine.
And you thought Rednecks only live in the South.........
