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Fri 19 Nov, 2004 10:59 am
I have been married for fourteen year's. my husband told me he had stop the porn for years we go threw this and he never really stops! I ask him why he has sex with himself and porn and not me! he said makes you wonder? look at them, look at you! I'n not ugly, he is! he has no teeth, a fat stomach and you name it! not that looks mater, it's on inside that maters! I'm destroyed that every time he did try with me he goes soft. and can't! and can to porn. I feel I'm pretty! and men notice me a lot! he is a user of women just like all these men are! and it is they feel happy master baiting and feeling good as they let you go to bed alone every night. they really don't care about our feelings only that they can get to have sex with different women every night and soon it becomes just them and the porn. no marriage nothing! just them cheating on you. so am tired of it I can't live like this no women should take it. it's abuse to us as women.
Then leave him. If he is "abusing" you then get out.
I don't think that porn is cheating but lying and hiding are forms of cheating. Have you thought about involving yourself in your husband's fanasy life? Or finding something other than porn that can bring you back together?
pronischeating--
You complained:
Quote:I'n not ugly, he is! he has no teeth, a fat stomach and you name it! not that looks mater, it's on inside that maters! I'm destroyed that every time he did try with me he goes soft. and can't! and can to porn. I feel I'm pretty! and men notice me a lot! he is a user of women just like all these men are...
Insulting a guy is not a way to build happiness in the bedroom.
He's watching porn. You're saying he's an ugly, selfish old man.
Shifting focus for the moment, what is right in your marriage?
Age may be the factor here.....
Pornischeating....
You say you've been married 14 years? How old is your husband?
There is medical data that shows that, as a man gets older, he goes through certain phases of arousal. As a young man (20's) , the mere image of a woman (naked or not) is sufficient. As he matures into his 30's thorugh 40's, a little more visual is typically required. Upon entering his 50 and thereon out, visual will slowly take a back seat and only physical stimulation will work.
Porn could be a visual stimulant that your husband uses to assure himself that he's still sexually active. If, otoh, he has been viewing porn for years, you are most likely dealing with an addiction to porn. Again, data shows that, with increased exposure to porn, the exposure continues to increase since the same 'high' isn't achieved as before. At this point, physical stimulation works only when accompanied with porn....
You may want to (calmly) discuss this with him. Read up on the subject, get to know the medical situations men face (with and without use of porn) and suggest to him that he may have a problem.
As for your insults toward him on your post, I can only believe that they are related to anger and resentment you're feeling...rightfully so.
One other word of advice: Porn addiction is difficult to overcome. It amazes me at the number of people who believe that it's a cute, funny little activity that only men engage in when, in truth, it has the potential of being as addictive as crack cocaine. But, if you and he are both committed to the success of your marriage, your chances are far better than most.
Best of luck to you and your husband...
K
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