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advice and suggestions

 
 
georgio
 
Reply Wed 17 Nov, 2004 03:46 am
I Wright the below txt, sure there are mistakes, please advice me, any suggestions in sense of correction the style of writing and the good meaning, and anything, are welcome.

===============================================

Dear ....
Hope you are fine and healthy.

last time we met was in (place), it was good for we gained experience in our field of work which is (field of work) + the good company of you.
I was recently mulling over alternative possibilities for a job, If you still remember (I hope) you told me that I can apply for work in (company), but I did not ask you to what type of work, or shall I say the title of the position that I should apply to, and how to apply.

Having a chance to work in the (company) is good opportunity for me, Am a person who like to explore new horizons and to gain more and more experience on the Professional level and on the Personal level (or occupational level).

Hope you can find time in your busy schedule to reply me.
Best regards.
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contrex
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Nov, 2004 04:06 am
Dear ....

I hope you are well.

The last time we met was in (place), it was good to gain experience in our field of work.

(Always start a sentence with a capital letter)
(Surely you both know what the field of work is already? You wrote 'our')

And I enjoyed your company.

(Don't use plus signs in letters, only in notes for yourself.)

(the good company of you is not grammatical)

I was recently mulling over (good use of idiom)

alternative possibilities for a job, If you recall you mentioned I could apply for work at (company), but I did not ask you what type of work.

(still remember (I hope) sounds like you are accusing him of being forgetful or insincere.)

(or shall I say the title of the position that I should apply to, and how to apply.- leave this out. the question is implied in the previous sentence. You apply FOR a position.)

Having a chance to work FOR (company) would be a good opportunity for me.

(end sentence here)

I am a person who likes to explore new horizons and to gain more and more experience on the professional and personal levels.

(personal and professional do not take capital letters here. Writing 'levels' twice is too much repetition)

I Hope you can find time in your busy schedule to reply to me.

Best regards.


Not bad. You make the mistakes that Italian or Spanish native speakers make. Like translating 'sono' as 'am'. You should study carefully the personal,pronoun in English. I, you, he, she, they. Always start sentences with a capital letter. In a formal letter, avoid slang and abbreviations, + signs, etc.
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J-B
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Nov, 2004 07:19 am
Are you a teacher contrex? Smile
0 Replies
 
stuh505
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Nov, 2004 07:38 am
Georgio, it's write not wright.

Contrex, I wouldn't start a sentence with "And I enjoyed..."
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contrex
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Nov, 2004 01:47 pm
^JB^ wrote:
Are you a teacher contrex? Smile


I was a teacher of French and English but I am now an IT consultant.
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georgio
 
  1  
Reply Thu 18 Nov, 2004 05:35 am
many thanks to all of you, espesially contrex.
0 Replies
 
 

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