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What to do when no one will say anything to a bitch of the group?

 
 
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 08:55 am
So there's this new girl that joined our friend group like about a year ago. She purposely befriended everyone else around me and purposely excluded me. She friended everyone else in the life group but didn't send me a friend request and we all met at the same time and spent equal amount of time together. I invited her out to eat and was always inviting toward her. One of our mutual friends asked her if she did it on purpose, intentionally leaving me out. And she said YES she did...I'm curious with people knowing she purposely acted like a total bitch, why they don't say anything to her?

Once my close friends of the group found out what she did, they didn't keep in touch with her much...but there's still some other people in the group who still invite her knowing that she purposely excludes people. She has a crush on one of my ex crushes it was pretty obvious why she excluded me because she didn't want his attention on me when she's trying to talk to him, lol.

I wasn't intimidated by her and still invited her knowing my ex crush would be at the same event, but I guess she was insecure and wanted all the attention to herself.

And speaking of my ex crush, he didn't friend me, but he friended that witch and he knew me longer than her and he hangs out with me more than her...but that doesn't matter to me anymore because I've been trying to work things out with this new person.

She had a birthday party with all people I hang out with and didn't even invite me even though we all met at the same time...and they all talked about the next day in front of me as if we're back in high school. I'm sure they didn't know that she purposely excluded me and wouldn't have been so insensitive about it.

What do you do when only one or two friends has your back but the rest of the group still talks to a witch who purposely excluded you?

I often wonder if someone excluded them in something would they want everyone to keep in touch with that person who excludes people. People seem to think nowadays that it's not their problem so they shouldn't say anything. If friends don't back me up when it's necessary, then why have those kind of friends who think that? Right?

This new girl just comes in and acts like she's known everyone forever. She didn't even apologize. Whenever I see her at mutual events, she'd try to say, "Hi, I haven't seen you in a long time."

I used to say hi to her, but nah, she doesn't even deserve me being cordial. If she wants to be a bitch to me for no good reason...I'll make it very awkward and uncomfortable for her. The next time I saw her at a mutual event and she tried to say hi to me, I just gave her the stare down.

And this is why I'm not friends with a lot of girls. Don't nobody tell me girls who have all guy friends are this and that. This is what happens when I try to befriend girls...they go after the person I used to date and think they can exclude me from friends I've known longer than they have. Girls are absolutely worse than guys.
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,056 • Replies: 12
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 09:16 am
@puzzling,
Have you thought about why the other people in the group aren't saying anything? is there something the other woman is bringing to the group that they value?

People don't just join a friend group - the group opens to accept them.

If you can figure out why she was/is accepted by the group , you'll have a better idea of how to handle it.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 09:16 am
@puzzling,
puzzling wrote:

I'm curious with people knowing she purposely acted like a total bitch, why they don't say anything to her?




Because people act in their own self interest, and for whatever reason, it is more important to be friends with her, instead of you.

And no I don't know what those reasons are.

puzzling
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 03:49 pm
@chai2,
I always think of it like this, if it was the other way around, I wouldn't want others to ignore the person being a total bitch to me...so I'd stick up for someone if I see fit. People are selfish and only out for their own skin is what I gather. Very few people I know will actually stick up for someone and they don't use the excuse that person never did anything to me to do nothing about it.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 03:54 pm
@puzzling,
what does she add to the group that they like?
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 04:05 pm
@puzzling,
puzzling wrote:

I always think of it like this, if it was the other way around, I wouldn't want others to ignore the person being a total bitch to me...so I'd stick up for someone if I see fit. People are selfish and only out for their own skin is what I gather. Very few people I know will actually stick up for someone and they don't use the excuse that person never did anything to me to do nothing about it.


But it's not the other way around. It is what it is.

What you would do in the situation is not relevant.

You say you would stick up for someone "IF" you see fit.

Well, apparantly they are the same way, and don't see fit to stand up for you for reasons we here don't know, and only you can answer for your self.

You can't make others behave the way you say that you would, especially if you throw qualifiers such as "if" in there.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 04:08 pm
@puzzling,
It's possible this person finds you off-putting for whatever reason. Does this individual say terrible things about you or are they just trying to avoid you. I don't think I'd be excited about making a pal out of someone who calls other people bitches or witches. But, that's me.
chai2
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 04:33 pm
@glitterbag,
Apparantly that's the way the kids are doing it nowadays glitter.

Calling each other bitches and sluts are considered light banter.
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 06:10 pm
@chai2,
Light banter? Maybe, but the op doesn't sound like she's in light and carefree mode. Sounds more like she's pissed.
0 Replies
 
puzzling
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 07:26 pm
@ehBeth,
The group doesn't exclude people the way she does individually. As a whole the group is always inviting to everyone and anyone. It's a youth group...she may not have anything people like...she's just included because the group's motto isn't to exclude people. That's her motto on the own. Not sure why she joined the group if she's going to exclude people for whatever reason. This group includes everyone, even catty bitches like her.
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 07:32 pm
If you've ever seen documentaries about the animal kingdom, you'll recognize this behavior. A pack of hunting hyenas or lions will scope out a pack of possible prey. They look for the weakest member, a newborn, an injured member...

Some girl ( or guy, I guess) who wants to move up socially or snag a preferred sex partner, observes a social group, concocts a plan of action, and makes a move.

I don't know this chick's motivation--could be having your dude, belonging in your social group, maybe she'd been rejected by her previous social group, maybe she's a bored sociopath who enjoys ******* around with people--but it seems to me like she plotted to replace you.

It's disgusting, but it happens.

Yeah, your "friends" are ****. I'm sorry this happened to you. You need a plan to feel better and find better friends.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 07:43 pm
@puzzling,
Maybe it's time to learn that not everyone you meet, work with, or are related to you will want to spend lots of time with you. Maybe you radiate an unfriendly vibe when she's around, I don't know. You get pretty spun up when you talk about her. If you're still on good terms with the rest of the group then let it go, you will only unsettle the others if you insist they choose sides. Unless it's something other than you just don't think she likes you as much as the others.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 May, 2017 10:12 pm
@puzzling,
Considering how much you appear to hate this girl, I'm not sure we can rely on your perspective to be an accurate account of things. Your crush/ex-crush being intertwined makes things even murkier. All of us are prone to providing biased information, and all of us can't help but not include all the information, especially when we guess at others motives.

You say she's a bitch, but the only example you've given is excluding you. So she doesn't like you. Just because she likes most people in a group, doesn't mean she is obliged to like all of them, and absolutely does not mean she has to invite all members of a group to be friends with her on Facebook, or to her parties etc. By itself, this isn't bitchiness - every person has this right to choose who they want as friends.

Put another way - just not liking you is not being bitchy - otherwise you could describe every person in the world as a bitch. Just not wanting to hang around you is not being bitchy - same reasoning.

To be bitchy, there has to be more to it than just not liking a person. There also has to be other things like: condescension, gossiping about ### behind their back, being two faced, sabotaging behaviours etc.

So perhaps you see the irony - that you will find most of these behaviours in your post?

Things don't have to be this way. You can't control other people. The only person you can control is yourself. Being true to principles you admire always reduces confusion, increases your sense of who you are, and builds self esteem...breaking principles you admire always increases confusion in ones life, decreases your sense of self, and reduces your self esteem. The path we take towards or away from confusions, towards or away from self esteem - is a path we choose.
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