It Begins

Liberal CIA Operatives To Be Designated Enemy Combatants
Natural Extension Of Plame Doctrine, Says Gonzalez

Liberal and openly democratic CIA operatives and analysts are to be designated enemy combatants today and immediately shipped to a detention center in Guantanamo, Cuba, pursuant to orders from the White House that were vetted and approved by Attorney General-Designate Alberto Gonzalez.

"It's a natural extension of what we're now calling the 'Plame doctrine,'" said Gonzales. "We're not just outing them -- we're taking them out."

Gonzalez said that summarily interning liberal and allegedly disloyal employees was not a denial of due process under the Constitution. "Sometimes, when you've got a mandate, the Constitution just doesn't apply," Gonzalez said.

CIA Director Porter Goss, the recently installed former House representative that politicians and media had hailed as a bipartisan Republican willing to work with Democrats, approved the purge. "Although I have worked closely with Democrats in the past," he said, "I've decided that I would rather imprison and interrogate them."

Once in Guantanamo, former CIA operatives are expected to be placed in government-approved "stress positions."

"I'm not sure how this is going to be much different than my CIA job," said liberal intelligence analyst Jocelyn Wexler. "Attempting to provide unbiased intelligence analysis to this administration was already the ultimate stress position."