Stay Home, You Pathetic Whining Maggots

http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/Columnists/Calgary/Ian_Robinson/2004/11/14/713559.html

By Ian Robinson -- Calgary Sun

In the wake of the U.S. presidential election -- in which I cheerfully took a Sun assistant city editor, who figured Senator John Kerry couldn't lose, for $10 (a quick pause to gloat here) Americans disenchanted with President George W. Bush's re-election romp back into the White House, continue to deluge the Canadian immigration website.

How anybody can be unhappy with the president's re-election is beyond me.

Bush has my admiration in no small part because he manages to simultaneously annoy France and Germany, not to mention those renowned deep, geopolitical thinkers, the Dixie Chicks, Bruce Springsteen, P-Diddy or whatever he's calling himself now, Gwynneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck.

(Interesting note about France: America invades Iraq without UN approval and America is portrayed as a barbarian striding across the world stage. Recently, France essentially invaded the Ivory Coast to protect its interests there ... without asking the UN squat. Just pointing out the hypocrisy.)

Plus, let's face it: France deserves to be annoyed by as many people as possible, as often as possible, if only for encouraging Jerry Lewis by telling him that he was a genius.

Not to mention for exporting snotty wine culture across the Atlantic so that otherwise reasonable North Americans have turned into cork-sniffing oenephiles -- although the word sounds like an exotic perversion, it just means wine-nerd -- who can actually say with a straight face: "This is a full-bodied Cabernet, rich with a full body tasting of plum, blackberry and leather cooked on an oak plank."

Anyway, the day after the U.S. election, 115,628 Americans checked out the site and those numbers haven't fallen off very much.

Before the election, some U.S. celebrities and numerous other Democrats vowed that they'd move to Canada if Bush were re-elected.

I hope I'm not alone in gently suggesting to those considering coming to Canada: Stay home, you pathetic whining maggots.

Particularly celebrities. Canada has suffered enough without having to put up with any of the Baldwin brothers or -- heaven forfend! -- Barbra Streisand.

And frankly, I don't know if we can afford to feed Michael Moore.

Bad enough that Canada became a haven for the gutless wonders of the 1960s who fled the Vietnam draft. I sometimes think that the draft dodgers welcomed by the Trudeau government were a political virus that invaded our body politic, and we still suffer the lingering effects of that illness.

Our nation's preposterous pacifism, belief in nonsense such as "soft power" and fidelity to a morally bankrupt United Nations overrun with tin-pot dictators and other left-wing idiocies, may well be traceable back to the influx of thousands of the testosterone-challenged whose allegiance to country was superceded by their allegiance to smoking dope while trying to figure out the inner meaning of Beatles songs.

We have immigrants coming to this country who have been hunted from the air by murderous Islamofascists in Sudan.

Some new Canadians survived the atrocities in Rwanda or old Europe's final convulsions of genocide in the former Yugoslavia.

We have physicians from some parts of the world who are willing to throw away their prestige and power in their homelands for the privilege of driving a cab in Moose Jaw.

As a nation, we ought to welcome our share of people fleeing genuine oppression, and those willing to gamble everything to secure a safe and decent future for their families.

But welcome a bunch of spoiled brats willing to abandon their very nation because they don't like the man elected to be their leader for the next four years?

Geez, in my entire lifetime, there was maybe one prime minister I'd trust to run a street-corner hot dog stand -- the rest of them weren't fit for much more than compost -- but it never occurred to me to emigrate.

If we close our borders to anybody, it should be these fools. They'll be easy to screen out.

They'll be the ones who are whining.