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He says he loves me but doesn't want a relationship

 
 
Reply Sun 28 May, 2017 04:45 am

Details:
So, while working away I was kind of dating this guy that was working with me. It started as friends as I had a boyfriend at the time and then as things went south with him we started hooking up and I broke it off with my guy.

He had only just came out as Bi and just came out of college.
We never spoke about being exclusive at first so he hooked up with other people in our work environment. I told him I didn't want that any and I wanted to be exclusive. Shortly after I got to meet his family (at the time only his sisters knew about him being Bi) and they all loved me.
He said that seeing how much they loved me made him love me more.

Our work contracts came to an end and we knew that it was too difficult to have a relationship but we said we still loved each other and agreed to meet up when we could.
I flew out to New York from Australia not a month later because I wanted to show him that I loved him.
I found out he had already made out with other people and it hurt me so much, almost to the point of me grabbing my bags and getting on the next flight home. We talked it out and he said that it was wrong but he is in a place where he needs to be free. This is the first time he hasn't been in a relationship in his adult life and he is still new to being Bi.
I completely understood and agreed that I we can do whatever we want as long as we don't find out. We said we still love each other.

(I feel it's important to note that when he got home after his contract he told his mother and father that he was Bi and that when they met me we were in a somewhat relationship, it didn't sit well with them and they pulled the Bible thing on him but said they still loved him)

After only three days of being home he went on vacation back to where we were working. We talked everyday (still saying I love you every night).
My friend that happened to be working there informed me that he had slept with one of her friends there. Again absolutely broken I lost it (even thought I had agreed we could sleep with other people and still say we loved each other). It was the finding out part that got me and even more that it had only been a few days since he saw me.
We spoke about it again and he said it's not fair that I found out but I was upset that it had only been a few days since I was sleeping with him.

He still says the same thing, "I love you and you changed my life, I want you in my life but the distance would only make the relationship harder than what it is now and I need to be free for the first time in my life."

I completely understand that I've had many relationships and experienced a lot even though we are the same age ( I didn't go to college so I got a head start on working away a lot). I know that I can't force him to have a relationship and we talk about the "one day" that I feel we both want but I worry that I'm going to be the one that gets hurt again like my last few relationships.

I think I just need advice on if I should keep in contact and just be happy when we see each other and do just like he is doing and hope that he doesn't end up in a relationship between now and then (I KNOW that I won't be as I've expressed that after him I can't do another relationship with someone while I go to work away again as it'll only end the same way).

Should I say that saying "I love you" can't happen anymore?

Should I just forget it all and try to get over him?

I need opinions on this because I can't make much sense of what to do!
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,245 • Replies: 5
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 28 May, 2017 08:01 am
@Vinniem123,
He is being really unfair and cruel to you. You are a port in a storm, a safe person he can express whatever to but in reality he boffs anything that moves. He tells you he loves you in order to continue stringing you along.

I'm sorry; I know that was blunt. But I'm just the messenger here. He's the one who is being hurtful. You are not in a relationship - you are a phone number in his phone's memory and he calls when he feels low and, it seems, has nothing else to do.

Time to block his trampy ass and seriously consider therapy to shore up your self-esteem and figure out why you would accept this kind of crap from anyone. I wish you well.
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chirchri
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 May, 2017 09:28 pm
@Vinniem123,
I think he always lie to you , it 's time to end it.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 May, 2017 02:33 pm
He's been honest with you but you are not accepting what he says. He can't/won't be exclusive to you and he's too immature to settle down with anyone. In fact, it sounds like he's determined to have his fun as a newly "out" bi man and you are not going to get in the way. His actions border on promiscuity.

Stop trying to make this something it's not.

He probably does "love" you but I bet he tells a lot of people that.

Please see this for what it is.
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consciousMistake
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 15 Jun, 2017 04:00 pm
@Vinniem123,
The people that replied here could be right - he tells you that he loves you to keep you around.

There might be other reasons:

You say he just came out as bi? He definitely has issues accepting his sexuality. Most "bi" cases are a transition phase for closeted gay guys and a "relationship" with a dude would be admitting to himself that he is indeed gay and he just wont do that to himself.

Another option is that what he is saying it's the truth. I have been in love with this guy for years. He with me. We are not in a relationship. We don't believe in relationships. We are best friends, we had sex, we share everything, and we are free. I have moved to another country but to this day I love him.
0 Replies
 
D45ist
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 15 Jun, 2017 06:44 pm
@Vinniem123,
The problem is "details" - why do you care about them? Focusing on minutiae will get you exactly no where good. As soon as he said he doesn't want a relationship you should have been done.

No one possesses any self respect anymore. Why is that?
0 Replies
 
 

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