Fell in Love with a Married French guy, and I work for him!

I wouldn't stay with him. A married man is a married man, besides, there are plenty of other, single men out there. one day one of them could be my true love! It's tough, but a wiser decision for both.

He's French and he's in the US? What, does he pass himself off as Canadian?

All joking aside, stay with him if you want to be the second woman in his life.

The part about him giving you a raise and a promotion sounds like you both could be getting yourselves in hot water, legally -- him more than you. Not sure of the legal details, but strikes me as the kind of thing that could end in a verrrry ugly way.

I'm a work-a-holic, and excel at what I do, not because of him, but that's just how I am. Plus I love my work - so I don't look at it as a "job" rather a past-time. The promotion and raise was forth-coming...he is a just an added benefit. I agree though, he's married, and I think it might be time to let my mind, instead of my heart, take the lead on this issue...if he wants to leave her, then I'll see if we can be a couple. And as for being the second woman in anyone's life...boy, that struck a cord, and it wasn't in-tune to the way I want to live my life...

Sometimes it is so hard when your head tells you one thing and your heart tells you the opposite. In this instance, I'd say listen to your intuition, your gut. Sleep on it until the right answer comes to you. You'll know what to do.

Just as an afterthought....if you do decide to cool it with him, will you still have a job?

You're having a lot of fun--but you know that being the Other Woman is a bit demeaning; that sleeping with the boss could complicate your career; and that if your charming Frenchman betrays his wife with you, he could also betray you with someone else.

I hope you're having a lot of fun.

Spanish proverb: "Take what you want," says God. "Then pay."

Be prepared.

My job isn't in jeapordy...I suppose every job technically can be, however, we're a small company, we wear lots of hats to get the job done, and every person within the company is crucial, as I'm the top producer (no pun intended :~)) it would be difficult for the company to let me go...
Just spoke to the Frenchman, and I "cooled" it with him - told him no, I can't just see how things go, it's not fair to him, me or his wife, and he agreed, although I know it's not as over as my head says it should be. As for "gut feelings" my gut tells me that I've never encountered someone that "fits" - he has brought out in my spirit more of who I am, or rather helped me re-member who I am. The pisser of it all is, there is a love... when you meet someone and the energy is real, the connection between you and that person is something bigger than the both of you, people around you can feel it, they tend to be drawn to the two of you because of the energy they feel coming from you...it's hard to just put that away. I didn't choose to fall in love with someone married, and I honestly don't believe we, as humans, truly have a choice when we claim to fall in love; either you feel it or you don't, believe in it and live through it, or you don't

You're right gingrellie, however, when you do fall in
love with someone and are married, you have to be
honest enough to yourself to choose between one or the
other. So far, your Frenchman hasn't done either and
if itwas me, I would lose trust in him and without trust
there might be infatuation but no relationship or permanent
commitment thereafter.

The French do have mistresses and don't think anything
of it - on the contrary, it elevates a man's reputation when
he can juggle both, so it is up to you to decide, if you can
live with it or not.

Good luck to you!

I wish the wife new.....stuff like this sickens me!

Why make the wife miserable as well?

gingrellie--

Good for you.

Pity that being wise and ethical doesn't eliminate all the pain.

Still, you'll be a woman with magnificent memories.

Hold your dominion.

Why should she have to waste her life on a cheater?

sufp--

The wife probably already senses that Something Isn't Right. If she chooses to play ostrich, this is her choice.

True enough noddy, it's just sad that things like this happen.

Things are not always black and white sufp. Many couples are
still together despite marital infidelities.

I am aware of that, thanks. This is life....I guess!

I understand your feelings, I have been there too, a long time ago. I don't regret that I experienced the situation, despite possible contempt from others on a2k.

However, while I don't fault you for experiencing this romance, it is also not a wise thing for a woman to get into and stay into, unless you plan a life of staying in one emotional place, hovering sexually and emotionally.

And while I understand being in the situation, it is also a breach into another couple's life together. While he is obviously comfortable with engaging with you while not breaking from his wife, for whichever reason, the one he says or that he never intended to, it is an invasion of her marriage from the american wife's point of view.

If it isn't you, he will probably be with another person one of these days, if not right away. Your comments about the european point of view are not entirely off base, though I don't know how general that view re mistresses and marriage is any more, or if it was ever the general view.

People in the US (I don't know so much about outside of the US) are wary about work affairs of the heart for well substantiated reasons. The boss-best employee thing is often messy when it is over, and usually the boss stays the boss, unless a complaint happens; there are now a lot of rules about that in many workplaces because of the power differential in the situation. Even without possible harrassment charges or legal ramifications, there are still
ruffled feelings that affect the workplace for the people involved and for others around them.

A romance like this tends to elongate the period of in-love euphoria into a longtime self sustaining thing, since there is hardly anything so conducive to attraction as that one can't have someone. Plus, you know, you don't have to yammer at him for not picking up something from the market or fixing the bookshelves, all the daily life things that become part of the secondary stage of a long term relationship, become part of love, as distinguished from in-love. So the work love affair by its nature tends not to graduate to the second stage of love.

The good news is this man has helped you feel stronger about yourself and your capability. But, I think you should continue to move away from this romance, as not what you really want. If he married his wife because he loved her, as opposed to marrying her being a way to stay here in the US, or some mixture of those two, then he will have a post marriage period of his own emotions to deal with. If he married her only to stay here, then he is a something of a chump.