Merry Bloody christmas
Twas the night before christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring...
Except for me trying to put together a bloody swing set!!!
Merry, bloody, Ho-Ho!
Where do all these nuts go?
Nothing fits, I've cracked the shits,
It's messing with my head!
And this pissy little spanner,
Doesn't help in any manner,
These worthless bolts are purely jokes,
I've stripped the frigging thread!
What evil little engineer,
Tanked up on too much christmas cheer,
Devised this mess, is anyone's guess?
If I track him down, he's dead!
"Join Bracing Bracket 'C'
To Supporting Leg marked 'D'..."
Where's guide hole 'L'? Oh, bloody hell,
I just want to go to bed!
It says easy to construct -
Well, they can all just go get fucked!
It's total crap, I need a nap,
Should have gone with the pony instead!
PS: next christmas, why don't you extinguish the fire when you go to bed -- so I don't have to piss on it when I get stuck in your ******* chimney because you haven't had it cleaned in ten years!?
The joy of being a father at xmas!
by David Higgins, 17 December 2005