I need help!!!!

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I have been married for about 1 year. I'm very unhappy and depressed
i have spoken to him about me leaving him.he gets sad at first but then starts calling me names and threatning to destroy my stuff, so I always end up staying. He went on vacation and i realized how missrable i really was, i could not do anything when he was off from work he said that was his time with me, i have no friends because of him, he always told me that" they dont meet my standards" and the only people i talked to were people he knew and i was 19 when i meet him and he said he was 24 but ended up being 29 and all his friends are older.
I feel used, at first i know he was with me beacause i was young,he likes younger girls. and now i know the only thing keeping him is my money, he is so uesd to me buying him anything he need i pay for the cars,insurance,rent,utilitys i pay it all.

so I have moved out, and now he is saying that he is getting a lawyer to get alimony form me.since i make more money than he does, and he can not afford living where we do and he's telling me that since i left the marrinage he will win.this is his 2nd marrinage.
i dont know anything about divorce.
does anyone know a good lawyer.
i live in marina del rey,ca

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I can't recommend a lawyer but don't believe his BS. He's trying to bully you back and IMO, he's just blowing smoke.

You were married for a year. He can try and claim alimony but my guess is he won't get it. It's not like he's depended on your income for 30 or 40 years here. Your leaving the marriage doesn't have much effect one way or the other.

Look in your phone book under "legal" and find the number for your local Bar Association. They run a free lawyer referral service. Call and ask them for referral for a divorce lawyer in your area. They'll probably give you 3 or 4 names/numbers to chose from.

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Look in the telephone book for the phone number of your local bar association.

You need a good lawyer--one who will point out to his lawyer that the gravy train has stopped.

He likes to scare you, doesn't he?

Has he ever been violent?

In any case, you're better off without him.

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btw, I just did a quick search and CA uses a computerized system to determine alimony IF it's awarded.

The basic formula looks like you'd subtract the amount of his monthly pay from your monthly pay and then divide that by 2. You'd pay that amount for half the length of the marriage. You said you've been married for a year so 6 or 7 months and you'd be done with it.

That's not as bad as "alimony" generally sounds.

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thanks

fishin' wrote:

btw, I just did a quick search and CA uses a computerized system to determine alimony IF it's awarded.

The basic formula looks like you'd subtract the amount of his monthly pay from your monthly pay and then divide that by 2. You'd pay that amount for half the length of the marriage. You said you've been married for a year so 6 or 7 months and you'd be done with it.

That's not as bad as "alimony" generally sounds.

if your formula is right that means that i have to pay 2000. dollars

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I can't help you Sandy, but I wish you luck

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thanks
only once when i first meet him and i found out he was cheating, he tried to choke me and i still did not leave. he said he was sorry and that he loved me. ya right.
but you are right the gravy train is over.
and if i have to pay alimony it will not be forever,but i hope the formula the other person gave me is not correct, because that will be 2,000. a month.

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Don't hang yourself on the money now. Just find
a good lawyer and get this over with. Chances are, he'll
end up with nothing. California is a no fault state, so
it doesn't matter who leaves the marriage, it will be
considered as "irreconcilable differences" - that's it!

Just hold your ground and don't go back to him.
He's a loser beyond repair. You certainly deserve better
than that.

Good luck to you! Smile

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Whatever the alimony is, whatever you have to pay, it is certainly worth getting rid of that loser. Check with an attorney. Good luck

fishin wrote:

btw, I just did a quick search and CA uses a computerized system to determine alimony IF it's awarded

The operative word here is "if".

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sandysan...the only way he could get alimony is if you OFFER to give it to him (HAHAHA!!!) or if he hires his own attorney. I doubt he has the money to do that.

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sandsan--

IF you have to pay alimony to your soon-to-be ex, consider that his standard of living dropped when you left and when your 6-7 months are up and the $2000 stops, his standard of living will drop even further.

There are many, more enjoyable ways to spend your money, but you can get some satisfaction out of agony in installments.

And you may not have to pay at all. Your soon-to-be ex has opinions and desires--but not a law degree.

Edited for spelling.

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thank you
thanks for all your input I really appreciate it. I'm happy I am out of that house and away from him.

I am so stoked i never thought i could do this.

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sandysan--

Congratulations. You're out of that house with clean underwear, your computer and your sanity.

You've made the first step--and it's a big step.

Keep us posted. As you've noticed, the A2K members aren't partial to bullies and freeloaders.

Good luck.

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sandysan,

You SO totally did the right thing by leaving that creep. He is such a user and a loser and hell yeah you can do tons better than that!

While your inconsiderate ba$tard of a soon to be ex may try to get the court to have you pay him alimony/spousal support, you in yourself may have good enough reason to show the court why you should not. His physical abuse, verbal abuse, lack of consideration and the mere fact that you have only been married a year should weigh heavily in your favor.

Does he work at all? If so, does his job offer him the opportunity to earn more through future advancements or raises? Or has he just been a lazy lout with a minimum wage job (or no job) relying on you for everything?

When you do find a good family law attorney (and don't be afraid to interview several and ask for referrals from friends, family and co-workers who have been pleased with their attorney's) be sure you tell them everything....including the attempted strangulation.

You made the first big step by getting out! I am so glad you are feeling stoked and in control. Don't ever let anyone take that power away from you, girl! Smile

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sandysan, the practical advice has been given, but just wanted to say that I've seen SOOOOO many of these stories here where people went ahead and stayed married, had a kid or two even, and then were infinitely worse off down the line. It's really important that you figured out at such a young age what you will and will not put up with. This can be a learning experience and nothing more, something you can move on from without any lasting burdens. Good for you.

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I need help!!!!

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