I Just need a little guidance please

Re: I Just need a little guidance please
Since it's bothering you, talk to him. If you don't, it's going to stay in the back of your mind and it will probably affect your behaviour towards him at some point.

If you do talk to him about it, there are two outcomes:

1) he will reassure you and make your worry go away because he does care about you and your relationship (this entails him not diddling around on you eh)

or

2) he will get annoyed, defensive and argumentative

If you do decide to talk about it, I hope 1) happens

I understand how you may feel about the email. I have been through this with my boyfriend a few times. We have been together for a year and a half and occasionally he does have some ex from out of the blue contact him. The ex always speaks as if they just talked on the phone a week ago, not a year. I do check his voicemail and this is how I find out. I dont tell him thats how I found out though. I tell him "I just know" and then he'll lie or tell me the truth..guys are just weird. Just ask your man if he wants to see this girl and if they are just friends then don't hide it from you. Thats what I tell my guy, I dont care if he has friends but don't keep it a secret. So far he's gotten better at telling the truth and being open. Good luck with your man.

Perhaps she saw him and is interested in rekindling? It sounds to me like he isn't responding to her. Just tell him, in a non-judgemental and non-defensive way that you are feeling very insecure about this...that you know looking into his email was wrong (why did you anyway?) and that it was a stupid thing for you to do. But explain that you just need reassureance that you are the only one for him. Some times we all need to hear those 4 little words "I want only you." Good luck.

"Cum over this Friday", "call me baby", gee I dunno there Kristie just teasing

Well I know that she is but I was answering the question "...and why if he hasnt been in contact with her would after 1.5 years she would try to contact him?"

I meant perhaps there was no seeking out involved, that it was purely coincidental that they saw each other. (Why is there no smiley with it's tongue sticking out?? :wink: )

hey...where did that come from?

Best Smileys Page Index

It's got all kinds of cool smileys in the "unsorted pages" too. Copy pasting a smiley's link with it's [img] tags that are already on either end of its address is all you have to throw in here

It seems that checking others emails and voicemail just leads to trouble. We've certainly had lots and lots of threads on the topic.

If you feel the need to poke into someone's private business, the relationship is probably already going south. IMNSHO.

well, he called on his lunch breakl ( per norm) and i told him it was still bothering me and i wanted to talk to him about it he said we will and not to worry i told him that was easier said than done. a few months ago he had an ad on a dating site ( not paid) and a friend saw it and emailed it to me and i flipped he deleted , even then he was straight up with me about it didnt try to hide or lie about it...he knew he was wrong and that caused a trust issue with me this is what led me to going into his email i know it was wrong for me to do and i told him that he never said a word still about it i figured hed change his password but he didnt he says he has nothing to hide. i think i think i know down deep he wouldnt cheat on me but these "Coincidental" things just have been happening lately and its getting to me. does that make sense? really hes one of them guys that are " too good to be true" i just dont understand why she would try to contact him after 1.5 yrs if they havent been talking. especially an email like that one! not even a whats up or how ya been,just "cum over" grrrrrrrrr i dont even know if i should feel p*ssed off or upset anymore. oh i did forget to add i sent her an email back( and a copy to his addy too) ( not mean) just saying his GF got the email yes he has a GF now and since he no longer has his cell if it was THAT important she talk to him she can call my house! (we dont live together but hes here all the time he dosnt have a home phone or internet access at his place either might i add) lol but anyways thanks for letting me vent i really needed it ill keep you guys informed if you want after the talk

I'd suggest it doesn't matter so much why she's contacting him, but what he does/doesn't do in response.

The ad on the dating site would've made me probably deposit his can on the curb.

You should not have accessed his email. No matter how justified you may have felt, you should never succumb to doing stuff like that.

You especially should not have written a response. Whatever way you may be "in the right" gets lost by such actions. Besides, it shows weak behaviour, weak behaviour that the other person can then throw back in your face and use as a defence for just about everything that they have done. That's not the way it should be, but that's the way it is.

You don't need to be doing things like responding to her, "he has a GF now", it only makes you look possessive and weak, no matter how right your intentions are.

Hope this doesn't post more than once, cpu is acting up!!----

Its kind of two sided though. Sometimes checking your boyf/girlf's email or voicemail can come out to help you in the long run. You can find out about an affair they have been having and keeping from you. It's best to know than not to know. People lie and you dont know until you catch them. It's sad but true. Some guys (and girls too) try to lie their way out of anything and are pretty good at it. I have male friends who do their girls wrong and their girls know nothing about it. I have more males friends that are decent men than those few though. I say if you get that feeling, then check. But don't tell them how you found out or they will just change their pass codes and you will be in the dark. I've just said I just know or something like that. They are so worried about what they did wrong they dont really care how you know. If you don't have that feeling that something is up, then enjoy your relationship. :wink: new begginings, i'd like to know what happens..

Interesting code of ethics, angilicani.

I dont know if this has been overlooked but...

The email included the "RE:" Part? and "hope this is still your email"? Well, doesnt that mean that HE sent HER an email first just to verify if that was her address?

Not that it means anything, but I thought it should be noted.

what exactly do you mean by "interesting"... and el_pohl-- yep, that mean he sent an email. But it could have been an old email since she said hope this is still your email. Who knows but him and his ex and whatever he chooses to tell new beginnings.

back with some info. lol
I'm back lol sorry been working alot kids ect ect.. anyway heres what happened:
we talked he hasnt talked with her for over a year( timing about right since we became exclusive).
thats probably why the subject line said " hope this is still your email address". we talked alot about past relationships ect... ( something we both decided to let the past be the past so this was pretty much the first time talking about that subject in depth) in a way it kinda felt good i found out things about him and vise versa. BUT now heres something that im pissed about and i told him( ive gotten to the point where i basically said F it and if you choose to walk ill open the door im not going to keep being bothered by something and not say anything just to keep peace. ( know what i mean?)
anyway he called her the next day ( after our talk) GRRRRRRRRRR to " let her know he has a GF and that he wasnt going to be able to continue talking ect ect well, you got it, im pssed i flew off the handle yelling at him " why couldnt you call her infront of me since there was such a need to let her know?didnt you think she would get the hint if you didnt have any kind of contact with her?"the thing is HE didnt tell me he called her i played him on it ( told him i KNEW he called her,) he wasnt mad he said hed probably do the same thing to me if he had that strong feelings something wasnt right weather he was right or wrong)and he fell for it and told me he did ( wrong i know BUT i just had that feeling he did, i know how he is, thinks and the kind of person he is he wouldnt intentionally hurt anyones feeling be nasty to anyone ect ect) so i knew he would call her. she told him ( what he says) she understood shes sorry didnt know he had a GF just wanted to see him again
and if she was in the same boat as me she probably would of done the same thing ( emailing the woman) BUT she probably woudnt have been so nice lol ( i didnt go off in the email i sent her just simply stated he had a GF)she wont email or call anymore. the next day he came over ( i was still working) he deleted ALL his ( 2 of them) email addresses and made 1 new one, when i got home he told me he did this and he wanted me to have access to it and gave me the password. in a way i am happy BUT i told him i didnt want access to it and IF i ever really felt the need to go into it i would be able to figure it out again! lol geesh i am with him 1.5 yrs never went into it until i felt something not right and i was right ! i do regret going into it BUT im glad i did and those were my exact words to him! he understood. now between you guys me and the wall ( he dosnt know i post on here) i am in a sense relieved but how do i start trusting him again its not so much the emails but the phone thing? what if they are talking on the phone? i clearly told him theres no room in our relationship for his old F buddies ( thats what he said she was)!
i dropped mine( no longer have contact) when we became exclusive with the understanding he did to! but its in the back of my head i wonder if they are still talking. sorry my posts are long but i dont really have anyone close i can talk to, and i really need to get this stuff out.

Well I am glad you two talked it out and sounds like things should get back on track now. At least he would talk to you about it, my boyf isnt big on conversation so we usually end up with me frustrated and our problems never resolved.