Am I Eligible For a New Marriage?

Don't put the cart before the horse and be sure you're off with the old love before you're on with the new.

The rule of thumb is that most people need at least two years to recover their balance and sense of perspective after a divorce before they are in emotional shape to consider another relationship.

You've heard of rebound relationships? You want someone so badly that you latch onto anyone and then you realize that you and Mr. Anyone are not really compatable.

You say you have two children. They are going to be shaken by the divorce and need a great deal of your time and emotional energy. Which is more important, your social life or their emotional well being?

An organization that would be helpful for both you and your sons--as well as being kind to your limited budget is Parents Without Partners.

http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/chapterfind.asp

PWP gives the recently Single Again a chance to socialize--with and without children. You can meet people--men and women--and get to know the world and yourself a bit better before leaping into another, possibly disasterous, relationship.

Good luck.

Thanks a lot for all you kind words. I will definately visit the website. But the matter is - I have decided everything, and I am considering this for a long time already. And it will be better for everyone involved if we will square it up.

The only thing which concerns me now - the question asked in my initial post - how does it go usually?

Excellent posting Noddy

Miriam May you wrote "My goal is to enter a new relationship / marriage as soon as possible because I don't want to be all alone."

Why don't you want to be alone for a while? If you can't
live with yourself, how do you expect others to do so?
As Noddy mentioned, you need time to heal and your
sons certainly deserve a stable home life where they aren't
uprooted from one home to another, from one father to
another "stepfahter" within a relative short time.

This is not just about you - you have a responsibility for
your children, and they must come first.

Loneliness is not a reason to get married. You get married because you love someone, and want to be with him forever. I have met too many people in my life who did exactly that, and then lived to regret it. You need time to reflect, to heal from the wounds of the old marriage, and to "find yourself".

You are definitely putting the cart before the horse, which is a recipe for disaster!

Obviously no one wants to tell me - If a person enters a new realtionship - should ALL his/her debts be paid off?
You experience, folks would be helpful. Hopefully, I will get your responses later on.

All of you seem to be so compassionate about a marriage and the children - but you don't know the background. I could open a new topic called "Miriam May and Her Private Life" but what for?
I don't need any advice - just information on the question I asked

Just tell me - more info needed and I will gladly open such a topic. No problem with that. We could discuss the divorce in the proper thread. Fair enough?

No one has inquired about your present relationship
Miriam. All we're saying is, that you should wait
before you enter another relationship/marriage.

When asking advise you might get answers that
are not to your liking, however, they are certainly
chosen in your best interest.

That sounds reasonable to me. IMO it is quite unfair to saddle a new spouse with debts that he/she did not incur.

Should we assume that you have someone in mind as a new marriage partner?

No no no

I just need to know this for general education.

Relax!

You most likely will have PLENTY of time to get your bills paid off before marriage again! And YES......you should pay them.

If you are not involved with someone else already, that is. You say you aren't.

Most people are not as anxious as you are to get married. Unfortunately it can be even harder when you have children. Your new partner in marriage will be getting the whole package. It just seems that when you do meet someone......he will most likely take HIS time.

You can, legally, get married the moment your divorce is final, whether or not your debts are paid. One has nothing to do with the other.

That having been said, though, it's a lousy idea to jump into another marriage so soon after the dissolution of the first one. I mean, really, do you want to be doing this again a year afterwards?

You want to marry again--ASAP--but you seem very vague about the groom/husband.

Perhaps he'll be Joe Moneybags who will pay your debts (without strings) on the first date.

Perhaps he'll be Mr. Tightwad and he won't propose marriage until he sees balances of zero on all your accounts.

There is a life after divorce. Remarriage is certainly possible, but your question reminds me of a little girls playing "Brides"--planning weddings without the vaguest notion of a budget for the event or the personality of a groom.

You don't want to be alone? Why?

This is the third millennium, a brave new world where anything goes.

You've decided you don't want to be alone--but why don't you have some specifics about the marriage you're seeking?

When Mr. right comes along it will not matter if you have children, owe bills etc... I am also getting a divorce but I have no children. You need to learn how to be content with yourself first. I get lonely also but do not see the need to run right out and get married again. Good things come to those who wait! I'm hoping anyway

Iris Dawn--

Good for you. The best foundation for a happy marriage is to be a happy person with a multitude of inner resources.

You are much more important than Mr. Right.

Hold your dominion.

Thank you noddy24