who to marry

leonardo73- Welcome to A2K!

I say go slowly on this one. The woman whom you adore, is obviously still emotionally connected to her prior boyfriend. If you marry her, there will be the ghost of the former boyfriend in bed with the two of you.

Always take credence in your "gut" feeligs. It is telling you something. When I was young, I had a negative gut feeling about a young man whom I eventually married. We were divorced four years later, for basically the problems that I had perceived right from the beginning.

Take your time. You want to marry someone to whom YOU are #1!

Patience, as they say, is a virtue. And it really applies to marriage. If you rush in, you are often (not always) destined for unhappiness. Particularly since there are issues with her former boyfriend, you may find that this woman who you currently adore will become tiresome to be around. Even if she is not actively comparing you to her ex, you may think that she is. This is a recipe for disaster.

So she needs to get over him. You cannot make this happen. She can, though. What you need to do is be there. Be the guy who she complains to about him. Be the guy who she knows is dependable. Be the one who accepts her, warts and all. Be the one who is steady and reliable. Give her a reason to jettison her feelings for him. Give her a reason to stop moping around and pining for something that isn't going to happen.

Best of luck to you, and welcome to A2K!

Re: who to marry


Therein lies your problem... BECAUSE YOU ARE SOMEBODY

Your stature as a person is not dependent upon this particular person loving you.

Leonardo.....you deserve to be loved with the same depth of the love that you give. You can hold someone in your arms....you can make love to that person with your body, spirit and your mind....but if it is not returned....you will end up feeling like more of a "nobody" then you do right now.

Love her enough NOT to put her through that.

More importantly.....

Love YOURSELF enough... to not put YOU through that!

~Brooke

PS- I had to learn this too.....the hard way. I would rather be alone the rest of my life....than to ever go through that again. Now when I look at myself, I do so with the attitude that the person I do marry someday will be a very lucky man...because he will have a love that is pure and from the deeptest parts of my heart. And the rewards will be great for both of us.....for I will have the SAME! I deserve NOTHING LESS!! NOR DO YOU!

Wise words, Brooke.

In canada like any truely civilized place has accepted and allowed Gay marriage now thats something to boast about.Even the Yukon has allowed gay marriage.

Ahhhhhh.....thanks Stuh

I was still getting over an ex when I got married, and I strongly suggest you listen to the first few posts. Don't get married yet. She isn't ready. Keep your relationship strong, amd give her time to love you. If she never does, then never marry her. Chances are she will.

Thank you guys
Thank you for your response and advice.