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Boyfriend, Long Distance, and Porn

 
 
Reply Fri 21 Apr, 2017 12:54 am
I need some advice. Ive been in a long distance relationship for almost a year. We have had some rough patches, he has lied to me numerous times but we fixed it and i thought he stopped lying to me.

Anyway, i have sent my bf nudes and videos. A lot, he has more than 200+. He also has videos of us doing the deed. We do this because we only see each other once a month and i was hoping it was enough so he didnt have to resort to other things.

He was home last week and i was googling something on his phone and a porn hub link popped up (like when u search and it shows something similar from ur history) I was confused..... he told me he doesn't watch porn anymore... he would either call me and we would facetime and stuff..... or he would do it to my photos, etc.

So i kept going thru his history and its the same girl... who looks like me................. first person video.
Its not even intense crazy porn where u could justify it. Its basically her body and face. I feel betrayed? He has photos and videos of me .... what is going on is that not enough?

Do i have a right to be upset? Im so confused, my confidence has dropped.

I brought it up... he said its meaningless, he does it maybe once a month. I said why her videos why not random ones?? he goes ok well cuz shes hot and i enjoyed her videos??

What do you guys think? AM i over exaggerating?
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tibbleinparadise
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Apr, 2017 06:40 am
@emilyxoxo,
I apologise for sort of skipping your question and going straight to the hard stuff...


Is there any particular reason you have maintained this long distance relationship for so long? Is there a plan that brings you guys back together? Are there no suitable guys where you are now where you could pursue a healthy relationship?
emilyxoxo
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Apr, 2017 04:42 pm
@tibbleinparadise,
He's coming home for good in December! He's actually from where I live but accepted a job overseas before we met! Just really unsure as to why he would lie and do it. Not sure if I'm exaggerating, or if it's something I should
Take seriously!
tibbleinparadise
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Apr, 2017 07:09 pm
@emilyxoxo,
Lying is always something to take seriously. Sometimes they are little, sometimes big, but the intent is always the same: deception.

Honesty and trust is reeeeeaaalllly important in a relationship. You said in your post that he has lied about things before. Ask yourself, right now, yes or no, do you trust this man implicitly. If you can't​ immediately answer yes then you need to stop all forward movement in this relationship and address it. If, for whatever reason, you think this guy that you barely see and lies to you about his porn is your soulmate then you need to have a heart to heart with him about your expectations in regards to full disclosure and honesty. Otherwise, end the relationship and start anew.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Apr, 2017 10:31 pm
My take is a bit different.

You are in a long-distance relationship. They are not easy. He could have chosen to cheat and have sex with someone else. He could have chosen to break up with you and have sex with someone else.

He chose to stay in a relationship with you.

I'd say ease up on 1) any rules/expectations about what both of you do sexually while you are apart so there is less to hide/lie about ; 2) ease up on the contact and the porn you are sending him. There is really no good reason to send porn to anyone else - you don't have control of where it is stored or how it is used.

Generally, ease up on the contact. A couple of times a week, phone/chat/whatever but get on with your lives independently. You'll be in the same city soon enough - and you'll need to be comfortable not spending all your time together.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 23 Apr, 2017 08:15 am
There are many who dont have a problem with guys looking at porn. Especially in a long distance relationship with a young man who is at his sexual prime with an undeveloped brain. LOL


Pick your battles.

You say he has lied to you before. About what?
emilyxoxo
 
  1  
Reply Wed 26 Apr, 2017 11:39 pm
@PUNKEY,
I have another post about it!
-Being In one country but actually being in another
- Booking trips and not telling me till the day before and saying thats when he booked cuz he got a "good last min deal" ! (meanwhile he booked months ago)
-lies about his WHOLE past and things that can actually affect my health
- never told me he lived with his ex and was planning on moving to Europe with her, mom told me
- theres so much more but thats just a few


- actually just reviewed my previous post and you actually replied to it haha!
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