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Thu 4 Nov, 2004 11:02 am
I'm sure a lot of you have been in the same dillema. My boyfriend is a Senior and I'm a Sophomore, so he's going to college next year and leaving me behind in high school.
First, let me give you a breif history of our relationship.
So far we've been dating for six (almost seven) months, and we haven't shown any sign of breaking up. We're both really in love with each other, and we don't want it to end when he goes to college. We met online, and we've seen each other in real life, we usually see each other once a month.
Lately he's been visiting colleges and there's only one of them that is within two hours of my house. The others are all at least six hours away. Plus one of the colleges he might go to requires an externship of about four months!
We're not sure what to do, and any kind of advice would be nice. Currenlty, we've decided to just play it by ear and try to make it work once he goes to college.
You can try to make it work but the sad truth is that when this happens to couples, 95% of them break up. He needs to make a decision on college based on what is best for his education. If you two were meant to be together, it will last no matter how far he is away. Personally, I think you are too young to be in a committed relationship this way, but when you're in love you're in love, right? I'd say spare yourself the heart ache later and just break it off before he leaves. That way you can go on good terms.
neither of you seem to have a real problem with long distance relationships since it's been working out for you...
I can think of 3 couples which this sort of worked for, all of which went from close distance to long distance...in your case its long distance to long distance
might as well give it a shot...
He's going to college. His priority MUST be selecting the college that is best for him academically. Nothing else.
Sometimes (often) that's a hard realization to come to.
Your relationship will be limited because he'll be in college, not because of where he's going to school. The workload is different there, and it has to be his number one priority, as it will have to be for you when you go.
Prepare yourself for the very real possibility that your relationship will not survive the separation. They rarely do. My godson started college this fall leaving behind his young 16 year old high school girlfriend. They split up just last week.
I hung with my high school boyfriend for four years of college and when he graduated, he came home and dumped me for someone he'd been seeing, and which I knew of, for almost the entire four years he was away.
I can't begin the countless stories of painful long distance relationships I've witnessed throughout the years. It's difficult because you two obviously care for one another and you want to make it work once he graduates but you're both so young and there's so much life to live, I wouldn't advise you to tie yourselves down to one another. IMO, it would be wiser to go your own ways after he graduates and goes away to school. Don't stand in his way to go to any school he may choose and don't let him stand in your way either.
ehBeth wrote:He's going to college. His priority MUST be selecting the college that is best for him academically. Nothing else.
Sometimes (often) that's a hard realization to come to.
Your relationship will be limited because he'll be in college, not because of where he's going to school. The workload is different there, and it has to be his number one priority, as it will have to be for you when you go.
I know, well I forgot to mention that his top choice college happens to be the one that's closest to me.
I suppose it might be a little bit too soon to figure out what to do about college, I mean it's about 9 months away....
I was dating a guy and we felt we were very serious about each other. He was a few years older than me and did not go to college. When I graduated I went away to college - only a 45-minute drive away. The relationship lasted another few months after I went to college. He was still devoted to me, but I was experiencing so many new and different things that I drifted away from him. Also, I was very sheltered at home and had very few boyfriends. The extra freedom at college actually helped me to bloom and gain confidence that I never had.
But that was my experience and does not necessarily mean that your experience would be the same. It sounds like you both have good heads and to me the play it by ear sounds best. Just be realistic - like Kristie said most couples in this situation break up. College is a huge time when young adults go through lots of changes. I would not make any promises or commitments. Just keep in touch and see what happens.
One thing, Syn, since you are a Sophomore, you are going to start thinking about colleges in the next couple of years. I urge you to look for the schools that will be the best for you academically, not just schools that are geographically close to where he is. As has been said before, if it's meant to be, then fine, but we all know that it can sometimes be very easy to let circumstances like that make decisions for you. But this isn't a decision to be messed with - it's an important one and your future deserves the best education you can get, not just the best education you can get and still be close to him.
jespah wrote:One thing, Syn, since you are a Sophomore, you are going to start thinking about colleges in the next couple of years. I urge you to look for the schools that will be the best for you academically, not just schools that are geographically close to where he is. As has been said before, if it's meant to be, then fine, but we all know that it can sometimes be very easy to let circumstances like that make decisions for you. But this isn't a decision to be messed with - it's an important one and your future deserves the best education you can get, not just the best education you can get and still be close to him.
Oh, I know that. I'm an artist so RISD (Rhode Island School of Design) looks pretty good but I won't really know till I visit it. And some other schools of interest for me are all the way in California.
I know that the statistics and stuff are against us, and I know he should try and get into the college he think is best for him, and I should too when that time comes for me. All I'm really asking is for some tips on how to make it last when/wherever he goes to college.
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