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Thu 4 Nov, 2004 12:48 am
Its been a couple of months since my last post... but here goes. Its long, I know...
This past tuesday my girlfriend and I got thru our 5th month in the relationship. It aint much, but it's something allready. We love each other and just "survived" a big crisis. She was suddenly uncertain about her feelings towards me and after a month of absolutely no physical activity, and just when I was about to end it, she set things right on her mind. Seems that she missed me and valued me again. We had a great sunday, full of affection, like in the old times. This can work as a background for the following situation...
In the sex department, we've got some "peculiar" experiences. She had no history on that department. As for myself, in my only other past relationship, which was more physically driven (and lasted for some sad 6 weeks) I experienced giving and receiving oral sex quite succesfully. We didn't have intercourse, though the opportunity appeared. She quite a sex partner, and didn't much care for the place or time.
The whole thing started when she told me that she would have sex with me. It was only a matter of time untill it happened. We planned it very carefully, why? Cause when things got "hot" between us, we were (for the most of the time) on her house, in the living room. That was untill his father caught us doing something... So her place is a no-no, and my place is generally full of people. The car? No thanks, at least not for the first time. We called the motel and got it running.
The foreplay was excellent, even though she was very very nervous at the beginning, I can't say I wasn't. Then the penetration moment arrived. We've always used condoms, every single time. The first session was nuts... we didn't know how to do it, and when we could, she suffered a huge pain. I didn't pressure things, she appreciated that. We tried it another time, and another one after that. Same thing, knew it was normal. It was all good though, very nice experience, we hugged naked and told us pretty things. We stimulated ourselves manually, and that worked for us.
A month after that we tried it again. Same planning (I know, its weird), no physical action before that. The results? Pretty much the same. No problem though. After two sessions of intercourse and having the same symptoms (me not feeling anything, she suffering pain in the penetration) she bled. We supposed it was her himen finally collapsing. We were right, since the next day she found it on her bed... Pretty things said, and after me stimulating her orally, we left the place.
After the crisis, and for the 5th month, I planned on taking her to dinner. Seemed she didnt like the idea much, and after some funny instant messing session, we agreed going to a motel. Different one this time, yet still nice. We were timid at first, though after some minutes things got pretty wild. You could easily tell we hadn't done anything since a long time. After 40 minutes or so of foreplaying, it was time to go for it. I was confident everything would go out right this time. I was wrong... she on top, moved up and down for a couple of minutes (or so it seemed). After that something funny happened (like she going up too much and my penis failing to re-enter her vagina), so she asked me, "are you feeling anything?" I couldnt lie... the answer was "not much". She felt the same. Frustration stroke her and... things got ugly from that moment on.
She went to the bathroom. When she came back, we started talking. I wanted to try it again, but she was really shocked. She thought that maybe we would never do it right. I told her pretty things, true things. In the end, after she told me that she was tired and out of mood, I told her to just lay down, hug, and try to sleep for a while. She refused, stating that all her body hurt and she wanted to get out of the place. Then I started getting angry...
She asked me if she could change clothes, I told her she could do anything she pleased. She did so, I suggested her to turn on the TV and let me sleep for a while. The latter couldn't happen. I knew or felt that I couldn't get angry about the inhability of having good sex, but her attitude towards the situation pissed me off. I wanted to try it again, but didn't push her to do so. In the end I only wanted to lie down and hug together... yet it didnt happen. After some minutes she told me it was time to go. She passed me my clothes and we hit the road to her house. In the meantime I talked about the problem and the role of sex in a relationship, while she rambled that sex was not important and that we could carry on without it.
I want to solve this problem, it's starting to become a trauma right now for us. I dont know what are we doing wrong. But the most important thing is that this could somewhat affect our current sentimental relationship. I defenitely love her, and she loves me too. Yet, was my anger justified? Is sex important in a relationship? That important? How can I talk this on to her? She has a strong character, and its sometimes difficult to manage. Up untill now I havent talked with her, she isn't home, but first things first, and I guess she is angry with me about the way I reactioned...
Thanks for reading it all, any questions or suggestions would be deeply appreciated.
i dont blame you for being upset, its a frustrating situation. As a matter of fact it is one of my fears, i dont want to be "bad" at it or even hurt my gf. So im holding off. As for your questions, i think it is very important, i dont think sex is the say all end all aspect of a relationship, but it is very important. I think you two should see a doctor though if you cant figure out why shes constantly in pain. Keep us updated if you wish.
Something's definitely wrong here. Lost my virginity at 16 and never have had truly bad sex ever, only marginal sex when one partner wasn't completely into it. You need to see somebody.
How old are you two, by the way?
cj, is it normal to hurt alot like hes saying, i mean i know it hurts for the woman the first time, but how long and to what extent
I'm a guy... I can't answer that...
Thanks for the comments.
Yeah, I forgot our ages. Im 18 and shes 19, just 5 months older though.
As for the pain... I believe it was normal up to the point where her himen (or hymen, dont really know) broke. After that, I suppose it was just a little to her, maybe the position or the stretching. Maybe theres something she needs to do to force contractions, or maybe something was going wrong with me.
I told her something about seeing a doctor and she refused to see a gynecologist (sorry about the spelling). But maybe it was a bad moment to suggest that, though I think we definitely need to check someone out, like a sexologist or something.
Currently though shes been evading my calls, haven't spoke to her since then...
hmm yea would be kinda difficult
Are you using any lubrication?
None at all. I thought of that, so we always spend some time in the foreplay so she can be well lubricated down there, naturally that is. Some manual stimulation generally does the trick.
It could definitely help, though I've felt the area, and well... its kind of wet allright.
Parallel questions to this problem also are: is there something I can do about the fact that she wont give me oral? What about the "we only do it in a motel" situation?
Finally, I suppose the first time is a mess. But, in your experience, how many "sessions" where needed to get things right?
It can hurt a lot for the girl, I know it did for me. It hurt me for five years until I finally ended the relationship. This is a major reason (definitely not the only reason) why the relationship went south and ended. Normally no it shouldn't hurt for that long but it can take several attempts to get over it. Also your girlfriend might have an adverse reaction to the latex in the condoms y'all are using. This too was part of the problem that I had. It starts out OK and then starts to burn and feel like your insides have been rubbed raw. Sometimes my whole body would ache. If your girl ever picks up the phone and you guys decide to try again you may want to try a non-latex condom. Sex may not be the MOST important part of a fulfilling relationship it definitely is important.
Aldistar wrote:...Also your girlfriend might have an adverse reaction to the latex in the condoms y'all are using. This too was part of the problem that I had. It starts out OK and then starts to burn and feel like your insides have been rubbed raw. Sometimes my whole body would ache. If your girl ever picks up the phone and you guys decide to try again you may want to try a non-latex condom. Sex may not be the MOST important part of a fulfilling relationship it definitely is important.
My wife was allergic to latex condoms and had the same reaction... just remember that not ALL condoms prevent the transmission of disease so if you are not using latex condoms be very careful about who you are active with.
What do you mean when you say you don't feel anything? Do you mean physically or mentally/emotionally?
Right now your partner can't manage the missionary position. Get that right before you expand her bedroom activities. Until sex is good for her, she's not going to be thrilled about making it unilaterally good for you.
As for an alternative to motels....
You have local friends, knowledge of local geography. We don't.
Adverse reaction to latex... mmm. Should check that out.
As for the "I am not feeling anything" statement. I meant it physically. The emotional department is just great. I mean, the prettiest thing that could have ever happened to me (I think) was just holding her in my arms while lying in the bed. I am in love with her. Its just the physical stimulation part that is kind of wrong.
Yeah, I guess that untill she starts enjoying sex we will please each other in those aspects (oral sex, etc). And for the motel alternative youre right again, theres almost no way on which you could help me with that.
Thanks for reviving the thread!
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