Need advices... sex is almost non-existent in our relationship...

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Hi everyone,

First of all before I start I would like to apologize in advance for my bad grammar. English isn't my native language but I will try to not make it to hard for you guys.

I am a 27 years old Canadian in a relationship with a soon to be 20 years old thai. I actually live in Thailand for the last 6 years. We met 4 months ago and are "officialy" together for around 3 months (We actually live together). We met randomly one night at a festival. My friend approached him and introduced him to me and that's basically how things started.

Right away we both felt a strong connection (at least from my perception). During the first month, we had sex almost everyday and some times even twice a day. We even "phonetaped" some of it and everything was great. I have to admit that I personnally have a strong sex drive. Then we learned about each others more and we both had a similar previous negative experience: both of our ex cheated on us. So we decided (he actually offered it and I thought it was a good idea) to share our facebooks on each others mobile.

But for the 4 weeks things have changed quite alot. I need to say that I, in no shape or form think that he cheat on me. I completely trust me on that aspect (by cheating I mean seeing other guys or flirting). But one thing that I find strange is we barely have sex anymore.

2 weeks ago I wanted to have sex with him and let him know but he told mehe was not horny. I thought nothing of it and masturbated next to him alone (he did not left me alone doing so he was kissing me meanwhile). Then he went to toilet for shower. While he was in toilet, I opened the door (I wanted to take my toothbrush, I was not expecting anything at all) and I saw him masturbating watching a gay clip of a guy masturbating. I was in shock and was wondering why he told me five minutes earlier that he was not horny but then when I finish he goes in toilet and jerkoff watching other boys jerking off.

Ever since our sex life is almost non existent. In the last 14 days we did it two times (because I asked for it). He seems to never be horny and I found it hard to believe that at 19 years old, you arent horny even one time in 2 weeks?

I do not know what to do. I tried to talk to him about it but he tells me thatreltionship does not have to be about sex to which I agreed but I just think that going from 4-5 times a week the first month to 4 times this month.

He does seems to care for me. I reay believe he loves me but it hurt me when I see him go to toilet and lock the door knowing he has those gay clips. It is not the fact that he masturbate that make me feel this way I mean everybody have the right to do what they want but I feels like now that is the only thing he does and i'm left alone.

What should I do?

Thanks you

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[+3] - jespah - 04/15/2017Well, all relationships cool down after a while, but I agree with you that this was a rather steep cliff you fell off, plus he is really young. Not that everyone is identical but it does cause a...

@lerobshow,

I forgot to mention one thing:

I do have few extra pounds around the stomach but this was there before we even met. I tried to ask him if it was about that and if he wanted me to do something but he actually told me he like it and to stop thinking too much

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@lerobshow,

Well, all relationships cool down after a while, but I agree with you that this was a rather steep cliff you fell off, plus he is really young. Not that everyone is identical but it does cause a person to wonder.

So have a conversation, and talk about what you both like. He seems to like porn so ask about watching together, or reenacting it. Also, understand that your sex drive and his aren't necessarily going to be an absolutely perfect match.

Finally, decide if it's a deal breaker for you.

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@jespah,

Thanks you for your post Jespah.

I actually had a conversation with him about this prior to writing here. The problem is when I try to bring up the topic, he become a little bit angry and tells me that I do not trust him. In a way, he isn't wrong though. I have been cheated on in my last two relationships so I do have a side of me that is insecure but as I wrote before, as far as him seeing or talking to others boys, I am confident and really believe that he doesn't. But ever since I catched him I do think (I do not have any proof/validatiob though) that he does it again. I mean he went from having private time with me 5-6 times a week to around 3 the last months and everyday he goes to toilet like 4 times and bring his phone and claim he has to do a number two. Yesterday I tried to initiate something since I saw that his you know what was hard but he just brushed me off and said that he was not horny. Same thing today. I am starting to feel hopeless and honestly worthless. I do not know what to do as I love him alot and I am pretty sure he does too. He is almost always with me, he does have a jealous side when he see me talk to others boys and if he see that I feel unwell or whatever he instanly ask me what is going on and hug me.

Bug this problem is really something that i struggle with. What should I do next? Today I let him know that it is important for me and he asked me to understand him. So I told him that I understand him and will wait but I cannot wait forever. He said nothing really beside ok.

:/

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@lerobshow,

I'm sorry this is happening. He sounds like he's checked out of a lot of the relationship and is just lurching from one porn video to the next.

I suggest couples counseling or at least a medical workup for him. And you should get checked out, too, mainly because (a) it would lead by example and make it less about sex and more about concerns for his health and (b) a lot of young men don't keep up with their health regularly so you might be due for a checkup anyway.

Because, to my mind (I am not a doctor), he sounds depressed.

If he won't get checked out, and he won't go to couples counseling, then I suggest going on your own. Get either a coping strategy or an exit strategy, because if he doesn't want to work on fixing things, then those are your options.

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This relationship is fairly new. Hot at first, but now he cools it with the sex.

It sounds like he either got what he wanted from you and now has you in the friend zone or there might be something physically wrong making sex uncomfortable ( hence the masturbating)

Find out whats going on so you dont feel used

A frank talk between you two is needed.

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Need advices... sex is almost non-existent in our relationship...

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