DARWIN AWARDS 2003

The nominees are:

NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a

shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally

shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo,

Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe

as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a

highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source

of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, ! however, and the

other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

NOMINEE No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally

shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C. Awakening to the sound

of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed

instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, that he kept next to the bed for

protection, which accidentally discharged when he drew it to his ear.

NOMINEE No. 4: [UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the

safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane

with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman

said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank

Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the

building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted

demonstrations of window! strength according to police reports. Peter

Lawyers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto

Sun newspaper that Hoy was one of the "best and brightest" members of the

200-man association.

(Wow - there's 199 guys I hope I never meet!!!)

NOMINEE No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service] A terrible diet and room with no

ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his

own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed large amounts

of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans

and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right

combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from

breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been

outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But

the man was shut up in his near-airtight bedroom. Accordin! g to the article,

"He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating this deadly gas."

Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.

NOMINEE No. 6: ["News of the Weird"] Michael Anderson Godwin made News of

the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South

Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his

sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in

his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire

and was electrocuted.

NOMINEE NO. 7: ["The Indianapolis Star"]. A cigarette lighter may have

triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using a

cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday

night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators

said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at

about 11:30! p.m. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber

muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter

to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

NOMINEE No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario] A man cleaning a bird

feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb

slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing

on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer

of the Peel Regional police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over

the balcony," Honer said.

AND FINALLY:

Nominee #9 [Arkansas Democrat Gazette] Two local men were seriously

injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton

Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy

Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston

Poole,33! , of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in

serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the

two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-gigging trip. On an

overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The

two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned

out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22

caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the

steering wheel column. After inserting the bullet, the headlights again

began to operate properly and the two men proceeded toward the White River

bridge. After traveling about 20 miles and just before crossing the

river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the

right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply right exiting the pavement and

striking a tree. Poole su! ffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the

accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis

sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we

weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off or we might both

be dead" stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of

the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two

would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified

of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife asked how many frogs the boys had caught

and did anyone get them from the truck.