just married - adjusting to new schedule, sleeping habits?

Hello Tigerifictiger and welcome to a2k. I'm wishing you well, but not sure exactly what you mean by "quality time" so I couldn't answer your poll. Do you mean sex? Do you mean going out? Do you mean being together in the same room and not screaming at each other?

I assume your husband's schedule is job-based. Are you unable to adjust your schedule to your husband's because of your own work or because of personal preference? Would it make that much difference? Is there some reason you can't hold off on dinner until he gets home? If he works until 8-9 during the week, I can't imagine what sort of cultural event would start late enough for you both except the second set of a jazz show.

Speaking as a married woman of many years... these habits change depending on jobs, children and a host of other things. It is also important for each person in the couple to have some time to themselves. It is unlikely, unless you are in some extraordinarily social milieu, that you will be going out as often as you did before you married, particularly if you were not living together. The fact is, most people enjoy staying home and being cozy... cooking together, reading, being on the internet, watching TV, and attending to all those projects that make life interesting. These can be companionably done together or side-by-side. Mr.P and I used to have what we called "dueling book" sessions. We'd get comfy in the living room and each read our own book, punctuated in a friendly way with occasional bursts of laughter or snorting wherein we'd feel compelled to share a little from our respective books. THIS was quality time, for us.

hi piffka and thanks for your comments. to clarify, i mean a combination of all the things that you mentioned, with the exception of the last one (thankfully we are not at that kind of point)!

i have a feeling these are things that are just going to work itself out with time. i'm much more flexible than he is, but i think that may be part of the problem. the more time i put in doing whatever it is that i set out to do instead fretting about doing, i think in the long run i'll be the better for it. still working on this.

sorry if i seem overly philosophical but this is the way i tend to process, by putting things in the larger framework! i appreciated your comments. thanks again-t.

tigerifictiger - Welcome to A2K!

Marriage is a process of adjustment and compromise. I am a lark, married to an owl. As a result, I do a lot of things by myself, or with friends.

Communication is at the core of dealing with your differences. Good luck!

tigerifictiger - whenever you move in with someone, you learn about the things that are adjustable and those that aren't. personal, internal, clocks don't adjust easily or well. our circadian rhythms don't always line up with the people we love - and live with.

you have to find the times that you're both awake, alert and interested in doing things - and share those times. After 47+ years of marriage, my father is still the early bird and my mother could still sleep til noon if anyone would give her the chance. they do wonderful things together in the middle part of the day - and occasionally trade off early mornings and late nights (though I'm guessing each one thinks it's more than occasional :wink: )

my beau and i have different clocks as well - he's awake between 4 and 5 a.m. and would like to be asleep by 9 p.m. He's never going to be someone I can take out to a late night jazz club event. But he's great for walking the dogs at the beach with, he'll always let them out early (which they love), and we're relaxed together when we are together.

then there's the temperature thing. my mother and father are cold at opposite times of the day. the thermostat battles are almost as good as the alarm clock ones.

don't try to get anyone to change their clock or thermostat (it's not going to be healthy for anyone) - just try to figure out when you work together best.


(and don't ever ask me to do anything important on a Friday night)

thanks phoenix and ehbeth -



i will take this to heart - i've been awake but not interested, interested but not awake, etc. will try to go for all 3 -t.