0
   

The Brilliant Madness

 
 
Reply Sun 2 Apr, 2017 03:03 am

The Brilliant Madness

By Alan McDougall

Please note that what I am about to describe in the following paragraphs, is not the mild sometimes, beneficial hypo-mania of high performing persons of history who also had this disorder its milder form.

This mild form of mania also exists in a large number of great and creative persons.

It was in these remarkable people that had the huge energy of mild mania one saw in people like, Winston Churchill, Ludwig Van Beethoven, William Blake, Napoleon Bonaparte, Charles Dickens, T.S. Eliot, Robert Frost, Sigmund Freud, Ernest Hemingway, Abraham Lincoln, Jack London, Robert Cowell, Michelangelo, Mozart, Isaac Newton, Edgar Allan Poe, Mark Twain, Vincent Van Gogh, King David, and King Saul.

The Brilliant Madness

Mania, the evil sister of depression, is at first so very delightful and seductive so and euphoric and wonderful, that the manic state creeps in without me or my wife realizing what was happening It became a slowly descent into manic psychoses but I was unaware of this because I was feeling so gloriously happy and full of love.

While the depressive phase of bipolar disorder is extremely bleak and dark, the outcome of the destructive extreme high mania phase is even more horrifying, "if possible".

In the upper peaks of mania, you come face to face with true madness, complete insanity or psychosis. Both the peak and the valley of the sine wave of manic depression can result in the same end and outcome death.

At first I felt so tremendously high, energetic and good, in the first stage of mania, I immediately stop all my medication, throwing it down the toilet when no one is looking.

I tried my very best in this early stage to fool my wife and family that I am completely normal and just feeling very well indeed.

I could control myself and appear to be normal at this early stage of mania even fool my psychiatrist by giving him all him all the correct answers to his questions.

Mania was so seductive and pleasant that I was absolutely positive I was healed and had thrown all my medication down the toilet.

The psychiatrist thinking I was telling the truth would come up with a wrong conclusion and make a few minor adjustments to my medication that I have absolutely no intention of taking.

Thinking back to when I threw all my medication down the toilet and the consequences thereof.

The previous control of my symptoms was removed a terrible episode of manic/ mania began to emerge.

I began to spiral uncontrollably upwards into a storm of total manic psychosis. I was, however, completely unaware of this danger at this stage and felt certain I am in absolute control of myself.

Mania is so delicious seductive, pleasurable, euphoric of the early stages, especially the feeling of omnipotent God-like power and supposed God-like intelligence and wisdom.

I am sure no drug could give as pleasant high I wanted to spend eternity in this happy glorious joyful beautiful state, where I became extremely loving to my wife and anyone I met

It became an absolute imperative, in my mind that nothing should interfere with this bliss and ecstasy and I had to sustain it no matter the cost.

Nobody could convince me, that there is anything wrong with me and anyone trying to reason or suggest that I was sick made me very angry, Irritable and very angry.

Thoughts, came with non-stop obsessions and uncontrollable non-stop thinking, trying to know the incomprehensible?

Energy became infinite with no need for sleep or rest I was absolutely without fear or inhibitions, stopped sleeping, develop extreme, sublime, exalted grandiosity, ecstasy, joy, wonder, delight, joy bliss, delight, bliss, happiness, visualizes constantly and has bright eye-lid visions, stops, eating and etc, etc.

I was absolutely obsessed with religious thoughts, thinking I were God and was going to sort out evil mankind? How could the universe expand if it is everything? What is absolute nothing? Is infinity possible? Why do we exist, is there a God, Infinity?

How could God exist for eternity and how could he be infinite?, these thoughts started a circular thinking non-stop racing thoughts in my brain as I tried in vain to understand the impossible to understand impossible concepts, such as infinity and eternity?

My finite mind tried to arrive at by precise and finite means the explanation for all unfathomable mysteries of the universe as well as, the puzzle of evil, the mystery that there is no such thing as nothing?, what is time?, what is life?, what is the of purpose of life?, what is energy?, know the mind of god?, is evolution true?, what is gravity?, what is god?

What came before the big bang of creation?, how many dimensions are there in existence?, are there other universes beyond ours, what is outside the boundaries of the universe, Will the universe continue to expand forever?, what is forever?, is there life after death? Is there a heaven or a hell?

What was the purpose of life/, is life meaningless? etc, I felt unreasonable urge to know and understand everything in existence, that it is imperative for me to urgently unravel all mysteries to know the mysterious mind of God and become one with the infinite eternal divine sublime reality.

On, on, and on day and night, without rest trapped in a cycle of questions, only coming up with unacceptable answers, which forced me to repeat the whole cycle again and again. A never ending the unsettling uncontrollable flood of disturbing thoughts that gave me no rest, day, and night.

I finally came to the conclusion that everything under the sun was meaningless and futile and I might die in ignorance

I became a helpless victim I would not admit to anyone that something was wrong with me, because of the fact that I felt so eerie wonderful.

To reiterate, the first symptom of mania is the lifting of depression one feels so very wonderful, I stopped all medication, privately without the knowledge of Denise my wife.

Once I reached the higher level of mania, where I no longer had any control over myself. I went into long altered states of consciousness, sometimes for weeks at a time, before some sanity returned.

Who would ever want to give up a beautiful state of mind like this?

Everything was so much brighter, more intense, each color are more beautiful, smell much more acute, food tastes wonderful, sleep is not necessary, endless imagery from constant reading.

I began to read the bible non-stop and, researching debating every topic with myself in my mind, by writing it down, thinking and laughing at the fact that I now had a divine understanding of existence. I wrote constantly filling up both sides of the pages of notepad books on everything that flooded my mind.

My eyes became bright with my hair shining and skin looking healthy. Losing weight rapidly as my appetite decreases to nothing and in the end to the point of stopping eating or sleeping altogether.

Everything became vivid and bright so glorious, beautiful colors of flowers grass, trees, sky, stars; everything is now observed and recorded in the minutest detail.

Like an overloaded incandescent light under the strain of much too higher voltage/amperage, for which it was designed, my brain neurons began to light up all at once.

Reflecting back, I know now if I had continued in this extreme state of an extremely high state of mania, I would have gone out in a blaze of glory, burned, blinked out, and died.

While like this I was absolutely abnormal and dangerous to both myself and those around me.

If I were told by members of my family or doctor that it was imperative for me taken my medication as I was not well, I would get very angry. In this altered state of consciousness, it was a ridiculous suggestion to my irrational mind that anything was wrong with me.

I felt very healthy and thus I lied to them informing all to the fact that I had been taking my medicine as prescribed by my doctor.

If they persisted I would become belligerent, angry, and irritable and start to avoid contact people who I perceived as mere mortals not understanding my high and exalted self.

In my mind I thought I knew everything, did not need or advice from anyone, anytime and that I was the very essence of the transcendent and magnificent being of light....

It then progresses to constant non-stop rapid uncontrollable thinking, wild laughter, and increased a sense of humor non-stop talking. An acute sense of taste smell touch & vision, sound everything became even more acute, in this advanced phase of manic madness.

I was convinced I have developed a sixth sense, that I am God and must correct my mistake in creating humanity, by killing them all and starting all over again, with a better plan,

While I perceived myself as very sane, extremely intelligent and in full control of myself, because I was God, but, in reality, I had become increasingly delusional, started to visualize, hear sweet-voiced and beautiful visions of other worlds realms, dimensions other, universes, and heaven. I saw colors that did not exist in our world I became the mega-mind or Super-consciousness and I was in constant communication every sentient being in the universe.

In my mind, I was truly God incarnate and my awareness expanded until I could see down the road of forever, within the infinite realms of infinity. I was convinced I was a god. I feel that I am the incarnation of the sublime, wanting to remain in this state forever.

I continue to have vivid visions and dreams, so real that I still think some were real, I was communicated and dialogue some higher intelligence's and absorbed huge amounts of unknown, mysteries, information and wisdom of the universe and creation. A kind voice asked me if "I would like to savor the moment?"

I cried out yes, yes, please, "but let me remember what I saw when I come out of the altered state of consciousness" Sadly I only remember a little of what I saw and heard and have recorded it in this document. .

I saw the future flashing before my eyes in rapid non-stop visions, I was afraid to close my eyes because images more vivid any high definition television opened up before me. I saw great Kings riding stallions, archangels singing, planets spinning in the depth of space, the sound of stars praising God across the dark and infinite plane.

My eyes darted back and forth, back and forth, become red, and inflamed and terrifying to look into. I was in another reality beyond space and time where I existed outside time for which a blink of the eye equals eternity in our mortal reality.

I began to fear that I had transgressed god in some way and might end up in hell I became more and terrified in hopeless abject despair and horror. An ice cold fear of the possible reality of eternal abandonment by god in a horrible place overtook me every moment.

I felt as if like my body were in the process of dying as the energy started to drain out of my body and mind.

The whole situation reversed from its previous glorious and happy state, into paranoia fear, horrifying, terror and I became desperate to escape the horror of my tormented mind.

Was this hell? yes! I have experienced it already on this earth. One moment I would be in a state of extreme euphoria and the next aggressive, annoyed, hostile, aggressive and even violent.

I felt every person on earth is in bondage and it is my duty to free everyone from their chains.

Thus; I went outside and let all the neighbors dogs out, go to the local mall and terrify shop owners, herding more many terrified people into one corner of the shopping complex shouting out that I was god and I was about to destroys the earth kill them all for their shameless continual evil.

I became out of my mind with hysterical rage and anger until I felt as if my brain would explode. I know now that I was also confused mentally because of constant media reporting of rape, murder, killings, just prior to the democratic elections of 1994, that I had followed religiously on TV while still in a manic state.

Was I dangerous then? Yes! Very dangerous both to myself and others who crossed my path and if I had remained in this state much longer, I could have killed some innocent bystander or myself.

Then absolutely socially inappropriate I would walk around confused, without shoes or shirt and approach anyone in the street shouting scripture or philosophy, particle, micro and macro physic, astronomy and cosmology.

If they did not understand me, I got extremely with people angry calling them all a bunch of ignorant idiots. I would also remind every person I met while roaming the streets like a wild man that end of the world was upon us.

I became obsessive-compulsive, bathing 5-6 times a day, constantly thinking, could find no rest. I stop sleeping; millions of vivid thoughts, images and loud voices and sounds bombarded my tormented soul, day and night.

Nothing, I could do would not stop these horribly frightening unwelcome inputs from flooding my fevered sick brain.

Sleep continued to elude me.

Evil dark cold bleak thoughts burned in the blazing furnace that was now my brain. My eyes are now blood red.

Consumed, with ice-cold fear, I became extremely emotional weeping for no reason. Perhaps I was on the once again on the uncontrollable ride down to the pit of the depressive cycle of bipolar depression.

I was now completely out of control completely without fear. How could I fear if I was God?

The police arrived and as soon as I saw him, I grabbed his gun and told him to shoot me.

The young white policeman had never come across someone like me in his time in the force and was unsure of what was wrong with me but coached me gently, great difficulty to go a doctor nearby. The doctor was terrified of me, with my wild insane appearance and had no clue of what was wrong with me.

Eyes glowing, darting side to side back and forth back and forth completely red with pupils dilated. Laughing and babbling hysterically like a rapidly broken record on high speed, I found everything said or any event around me extremely funny, no matter how sad it was in reality.

By now in the doctor's consulting room the police, doctors were struggling to diagnose what was wrong with me this terrifying insane man in their midst?.

One of the doctors said to someone that "I was in the throes of severe vitamin withdrawal" I found this comment hysterically funny ridiculous and hilarious and burst into extremely loud laughter.

The doctor corrected me by saying "I did not say vitamin withdrawal" I said amphetamine withdrawal."

I kept asking the police officer to shoot me because in my mind I was invincible and immortal and die.

Luckily, for me kindly refrained. He was a kind and loving young man, who took my hand and tried his best to reason with me, because he realized by then, that something was very wrong with and that I was not a criminal.

Before the young policeman arrived at the doctor's office, the doctor had taken my blood pressure and said to my wife it was so high that I might have a stroke and die. He subsequently tried to give me an injection to bring down my blood pressure, but I got into a rage and pulled the injection needle out of the hand of the terrified doctor, and threw it violently across the room.

After the policeman arrived, he calmed me down, by holding my hand the whole time, he asked me gently if one of the doctors present could give me an injection and I agreed, "saying the doctor could inject me with anything they thought I might need, to bring down my dangerously high blood pressure, which of course was not true because they used anti-psychotic drugs to try to put me to sleep. I was so fearless that I said the doctor could inject me with any drug he wanted to, even poison like cyanide and I would not react, as I was a God-man".

They subsequently gave me five or six injections of some solutions (anti-psychotic), in order to calm me down.

At first, these injections not seem to have any affect on me and the young police officer remained the only one in the room, which could keep me calm somewhat.

Unknown to me an ambulance had been called to take me urgently into a mental hospital on the advice of a psychiatrist, which one off the doctors had contacted telephonically.

On arriving at the local hospital now descending down and down into an almost coma state. The nurses injected me further with some unknown substances and began to drift off. I might have got as many as seven or eight injections until I finally calmed down. I am lucky to be alive. In the hospital, TV like visions on my eyelids continued to horrify and plague me so badly I was terrified to close my eyes.

Just by thinking and closing my eyes, I could see any member of my family or anyone else and observe exactly what they were doing at the time no matter where they on earth.

I had become psychic. I saw in this way, terrifying clear as day in full-color three-dimensional moving images, imprinted on my retina I saw my of the past as well as the future.

After each vision, a "voice?" would say to me, "do you want to savor the moment?"

I also by just thinking about something, someone, somewhere or indeed and I saw what I wanted to her on my eyelids as one sees on a movie screen.

Don't believe?, I do not care I know I have seen what I have seen I was convinced I could see into and hear telepathically thoughts in the minds of some living things, like our dogs but, especially humans. An uncontrollable chatter of voices from thousands of minds was flooding into my brain that became loud and unbearable.

At about 3 am in the morning I escaped from the hospital by jumping out of a window. It was mid- winter and I was freezing in my pajamas looking up into the dark sky waiting for the coming of god and his host of angels, alas in vain.

Outside in the dark of the hospital grounds, I began to thirst, in the worst way, due to the effect of the eight injections previously mentioned.

My mouth was dry I thirsted. In my mind, there in the darkness of the early morning, I saw the slaughter of the innocents, I saw and heard a message from God to humanity; "mere mortal man, "I am not pleased with you". I heard God replacing world leaders.

Changing from knowing I was God to into somehow becoming his eternal enemy Satan. In my deluded mind, I was now the Devil incarnate and felt the absolute terror of desolation, abandonment horror real fear of eternal separation from God in the Pit of hell.

I thought I had become very evil and deserved punishment from God for my sins I had done during my life. I was so very lonely out there in the dark of night that would come from my sin and the utter hopelessness of eternal separation from god in waiting for the Lord Jesus to come and fetch me

It came into my and understanding that I might have committed the unforgivable sin against God and was doomed burn in hell forever.

I started to speak to myself and had visions of hell. I tried looking outward into infinity/ eternity/ nothingness and retracted my mind in alarm, in an effort to prevent myself from going completely psychotic, from the monstrous colossal undiluted evil I see.

Is this the evil eternal thing destined for the eternal abyss? I feel the desolation of this place, A place so evil so horrible even God will not look into it. I fear and think that God takes hold of all evil beings, and thrust them all into hell, forgetting them there forever?

Were there still options left for me?. Who could help me now? Where was I to go from this terrible place?

That is the battleground of my mind. I believe I came out of this hideous madness by going to my creator calling out to God to help me, and he lifted me out again into his light with infinite power and love.

Love conquers all. It is the love of my family, my beloved wife, caring friends and wonderful doctors that I am alive still and able to write this account hoping somehow it could help someone else in a similar dilemma.

There is always hope. Be warned guard the door to your mind.
Going back to the first moment of awareness, when god was alone in the infinite darkness of ultimate loneliness,

I knew he had a good eternal reason for creating me and nothing evil would ever prevail against him.

I jerking awake from the coma, I see a glorious beautiful translucent light of many colors, light now dispelled the darkness of me brain. Hope eternal returns to me my misery turns to quiet peace. I felt final victory of goodness could be at hand.

I looked at creation and saw a view from the very highest of mountains. I looked out, saw there was no horizon, and attempted to look at and understand infinity.

The plain I saw went on forever and forever with no end. I tried to comprehend infinity and immediately started to retract, from this paradox of the incomprehensible.

I realized that it was futile to try to unravel the inscrutable When I got back home I noticed that I had become very creative writing papers on poetry, physics, history, philosophy, science, astronomy, cosmology, relativity and biblical interpretation Unique thoughts out nowhere and not found in literature just came to me out of the blue as revelation which I then documented onto my computer.

I found I had been posting questions that none no one internet had asked by doing my own research on all the subjects that interested me.

My mind was constantly active.

Was this the last of the episodes? No! Nevertheless, up to the time of writing this article I have never experienced another episode remotely as severe as that detailed above.

During the 1990'S I thought I knew where the hideout of Bin Laden was and phoned the White House, to inform the then President Bush, where to capture him but, the Switchboard lady at the White House politely told me, that the President was on holiday and was not taking any calls, even from Almighty God himself

I often hear that every event in our lives serves a purpose, has a reason that and everything we come out learning from them somehow. Did I become wiser better person?

Do any of the people who know me well, really think I have become a better person as a result of my years battling with manic depression, I think not?

In my opinion I perceive what has happened to me as purposeless and needless suffering , which if it had never occurred, I might have succeeded much more in the job at Eskom and had a much closer and loving relationship with my daughters and wife, that those of the bleak barren years that were stolen from me!

Maybe in the next life, if there is one, the reason if there is one, will finally be revealed to me.

Anyone going through a similar experience is most welcome to contact me at the addresses listed below, I will do my utmost to help them in any way I can.

You know this just might be the purpose I had to endure the horror of the most severe type of manic/depression, so that I might be of some help and comfort to others in a similar dilemma, knowing no matter how dark things seem to be there is always hope.

The onset of very severe bi-polar Manic Depressive psychosis, really, only began at Kriel Retirement Village few years after I left Eskom on retirement. It was at Kriel that I first became (To Denise's my wife's puzzlement and distress) very manic indeed, even psychotic.

Denise had never seen me or anyone else in this frightening state of extreme hyper- manic/mania and did not understand what was going on with me.

She had absolutely no idea how to cope with this new very frightening situation. I think she might have thought in the early stage of mania, which I was kidding or putting on an act deliberately, but when my very odd behavior did not let up and got more and more outrageous by the day.

By then she knew that there was something very seriously wrong with me and that I needed urgent medical intervention.

Looking back I am feeling positive that I could have avoided the illness becoming so bad, without, without drugs, especially the very addictive tranquilizers that had really messed me up.

All my previous life I had coped with stress and anxiety by blowing off steam by physical activity, such as a bodybuilder, enabled me to sweat off stress over the years. I have always been a highly strung person and exercise was always the method that helped me cope with life.

My mistake was going to see the wrong psychiatrist, who put me on these tranquilizers, which messed up my psyche.


I have been asked the below question a number of times!

Is being mentally ill equivalent to insanity?

I can answer this question with some authority. As a long sufferer of manic depression, I am most certainly not insane and the use of the term is a bad negation of very ill people.

But at times, I was insane or psychotic but only briefly during extremely high manic spells.

The real insanity is simply beyond description in the pain, fear, and failure it brings to the sufferer (and family of course).

And namelessly is wrong, some people are seriously mentally ill and if it were not for modern medication I would not have survived

I am balanced now

A great many remarkable people have suffered from manic depression and it is sometimes called The Brilliant Madness

What another term can the medical profession use for this?

Alan McDougall

Alan Grant McDougall (South Africa)

[email protected]
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 1,219 • Replies: 12
No top replies

 
hightor
 
  0  
Reply Sun 2 Apr, 2017 03:57 am
@Alan McDougall,
That's an interesting read. I don't think you should list figures such as King David and King Saul along with the more modern examples as we don't have a sufficient record of observation. You could point out that the stories we have suggest that those mythic kings were suffering from a similar disorder but we lack contemporary witnesses to corroborate the diagnosis.
centrox
 
  2  
Reply Sun 2 Apr, 2017 04:11 am
@hightor,
hightor wrote:
That's an interesting read.

A matter of opinion.
hightor
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Apr, 2017 04:26 am
@centrox,
Definitely!
0 Replies
 
Alan McDougall
 
  0  
Reply Sun 2 Apr, 2017 07:24 am
@hightor,
hightor wrote:

That's an interesting read. I don't think you should list figures such as King David and King Saul along with the more modern examples as we don't have a sufficient record of observation. You could point out that the stories we have suggest that those mythic kings were suffering from a similar disorder but we lack contemporary witnesses to corroborate the diagnosis.


You are right, but King Saul really seemed very depressed in that David had to play music to lighten up his bleak days.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Apr, 2017 11:59 am
Thank you for sharing your experiences and giving insight to others about bi-polar disorder of the brain.

The "high" seems so seductive and exciting. My friend once told me that it's like being the chairman of several committees, with the meetings all going on at once. I see people like this all the time - energetic, able to multi-task, overly organized, creative, empowering, etc. They are constantly praised by the community. Only thing is, they exhaust the rest of us to work or live with them!

Question: do you wish to seek some kind of middle ground, or balance? Are you presently on medication?
Alan McDougall
 
  0  
Reply Mon 3 Apr, 2017 10:44 am
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:

Thank you for sharing your experiences and giving insight to others about bi-polar disorder of the brain.

The "high" seems so seductive and exciting. My friend once told me that it's like being the chairman of several committees, with the meetings all going on at once. I see people like this all the time - energetic, able to multi-task, overly organized, creative, empowering, etc. They are constantly praised by the community. Only thing is, they exhaust the rest of us to work or live with them!

Question: do you wish to seek some kind of middle ground, or balance? Are you presently on medication?

Thank you so much for a sensitive and decent and post
Yes I do seek a middle ground I have to take Epilem for life as a means of keeping me balanced.
0 Replies
 
think rethink
 
  0  
Reply Sat 15 Apr, 2017 09:03 am
@Alan McDougall,
Thank you Allan for sharing.

I have an observation and would like to get your opinion on it.

From the detailed description of the highs and lows, it appears to me, that language is required to experience bi polar,
Otherwise, language wouldn't be capable of describing it so vividly.

I therefore assume, that words, is the most critical ingredient in establishing this condition.

Personally, I believe that one can free ones self from the capacity to think in words, to whatever degree one wishes,
From permanent sheep like mind stillness,
To taking a coffee break from thinking.

Myself, I'm striving for permanent stillness in the hope that when required to communicate or think,
I will be able to utilize thought without becoming the thinker.

The book I'm reading on this is called,

The power of now, by Eckhart Tolle.

With appreciation and best wishes,
Brian

Alan McDougall
 
  0  
Reply Sat 15 Apr, 2017 05:42 pm
@think rethink,
think rethink wrote:

Thank you Allan for sharing.

I have an observation and would like to get your opinion on it.

From the detailed description of the highs and lows, it appears to me, that language is required to experience bi polar,
Otherwise, language wouldn't be capable of describing it so vividly.

I therefore assume, that words, is the most critical ingredient in establishing this condition.

Personally, I believe that one can free ones self from the capacity to think in words, to whatever degree one wishes,
From permanent sheep like mind stillness,

To taking a coffee break from thinking.

Myself, I'm striving for permanent stillness in the hope that when required to communicate or think,
I will be able to utilize thought without becoming the thinker.

The book I'm reading on this is called,

The power of now, by Eckhart Tolle.

With appreciation and best wishes,
Brian



Yes we should try to live in the moment rather than yesterday or tomorrow. However, our "nows" are also ever-changing events that sometimes need control.
think rethink
 
  0  
Reply Sun 16 Apr, 2017 09:24 am
@Alan McDougall,
correct,
the now needs a reaction, but there is no need to make a virtual synthetic human being out of the reaction.

mathematics accomplish everything without the formula and numbers becoming an emotional ego.

to solve the know, it is sufficient to allow divine intelligence to do the control, without crediting the control to the mind, who always abuses the power which isn't his.

as soon as an emotional idea believes it assumed control on something,
this delusional control, begins controlling the very idea.

the very belief that the mind became free to choose and made a choice,
is another trap for the mind to be controlled by what it perceives as a choice,
but actually is enslavement to an external dictator.

choice doesn't exist,
only the false belief that it does, exists.
0 Replies
 
Alan McDougall
 
  1  
Reply Mon 15 May, 2017 08:25 pm
@hightor,
hightor wrote:

That's an interesting read. I don't think you should list figures such as King David and King Saul along with the more modern examples as we don't have a sufficient record of observation. You could point out that the stories we have suggest that those mythic kings were suffering from a similar disorder but we lack contemporary witnesses to corroborate the diagnosis.


King Saul did suffer from appalling bouts of depression of course if you believe the Bible account to be true. David had to entertain him with music to bring him out of his stupor
0 Replies
 
Alan McDougall
 
  1  
Reply Mon 15 May, 2017 08:32 pm
@think rethink,
think rethink wrote:

Thank you Allan for sharing.

I have an observation and would like to get your opinion on it.

From the detailed description of the highs and lows, it appears to me, that language is required to experience bi polar,
Otherwise, language wouldn't be capable of describing it so vividly.

I therefore assume, that words, is the most critical ingredient in establishing this condition.

Personally, I believe that one can free ones self from the capacity to think in words, to whatever degree one wishes,

From permanent sheep like mind stillness,
To taking a coffee break from thinking.

Myself, I'm striving for permanent stillness in the hope that when required to communicate or think,
I will be able to utilize thought without becoming the thinker.

The book I'm reading on this is called,

The power of now, by Eckhart Tolle.

With appreciation and best wishes,
Brian


I wrote an article and posted it as a thread on this forum in which I describe some methods of mine to Augment Human Sensory Perception and maybe this way learn to be still and peaceful.

You are right in the Manic Phase I got consumed by billions of rapid uncontrollable thoughts and in the depths of depression I became somewhat of a zombie. I no longer take antidepressants, but I still need a mood stabilizer by the name Epilem. For psychoses I get when I am extremely manic I use Fluanxol.
think rethink
 
  1  
Reply Thu 18 May, 2017 09:31 am
@Alan McDougall,
Thank you Allan.

In the meantime I discovered Alan watts (on you tube).

I learned a lot of controversial but truthful perspectives.

He says for instance, that all the thoughts, sensations, emotions and reactions inside yourself,
Are occurring coincidentally without anyone owning its doing (without any one having done them).

Your feeling is not yours,
because "you" has yet to exist.

Rather it simply is a feeling which is being felt in an existence effectively devoid of I and you.

It's just there.

There isn't anything in the universe that isn't an experience,
And there isn't multiple separated​ experiences,

But rather various separated "expressions" of the same "capacity to experience".

This capacity to experience is a constant occurrence no different then the hunger of an infant which is there despite the inability of the infant to address the phenomenon with thought as an idea, and within the structure of an owner owning the hunger.

A thought can only mimick the status of an experience
If the thought is owned by a labeled entity, an ego, a name,
an owner separated from the rest of existence, the rest of the universe, the rest of experience.

It can then take on the urgency and impact of a living life (thereby exploiting the person's survival instinct into fueling it, into tending to it).
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

Immortality and Doctor Volkov - Discussion by edgarblythe
Sleep Paralysis - Discussion by Nick Ashley
On the edge and toppling off.... - Discussion by Izzie
Surgery--Again - Discussion by Roberta
PTSD, is it caused by a blow to the head? - Question by Rickoshay75
THE GIRL IS ILL - Discussion by Setanta
 
  1. Forums
  2. » The Brilliant Madness
Copyright © 2019 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.04 seconds on 09/18/2019 at 05:54:12