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Thu 30 Mar, 2017 09:02 am
I've been dating a guy for 2 and a half years. I was aware that he was going to have a daughter when we started dating. His ex was like 4 months pregnant. She absolutely Hayes my boyfriend for no reason. Doesn't want child support. Gets super mad when he mentions visitation or court, but the gets mad that he doesn't put in effort, but when he does she's super rude. When he did get to see her, it was for 2 hours on whatever day she decided and the mother was always there. She would say she'll be there at noon, then not show up until 6 or 7. I've met the ex girlfriend one time, about a year ago. I haven't seen the kid for about a year and a half and we are visiting them on Saturday. Well, she's bringing the child to my boyfriends parents house. Im a total mess, I cannot stand this woman, I'm also slightly jealous that I've been with this man for years and we don't have a child, but they were only together for a couple months. She literally stopped taking birth conteol, got pregnant, then dumped him. I don't really wanna play with his daughter while the ex is just staring at me... I don't know what to do right now...
You do NOTHING.
It's not your circus.
He's got a lot to do to make these visitations more smooth and less stressful for everyone, especially the child. Has he brought in the courts to arrange proper visitation, with court-ordered hours?
The grandparents seem to want to bond with this child. Step back and let this happen.
Stay in the kitchen or just observe.
@kylene,
Punkey has nailed this exactly. It is not your issue. So you simply support him in whatever direction he goes regarding his visitation with his child.
All I can add is, maybe find a way to be busy those days, at least in the beginning, and bow out completely. You have to work overtime, something like that.
@PUNKEY,
That's exactly what I wanted to do, but my mom brought up her maybe thinking I'm being rude if I'm just off doing something else.
Also, he hasn't actually went to the courts yet, because we moved for his schooling, but it's gonna happen soon. He talks about it more and more.
@jespah,
I've never been there during a visit when we actually lived around the child. I always picked up shifts or something. But now we live 3 hours away from them and I'm just kind of stuck at his parents when we visit.
@kylene,
Why is your mom saying anything? Like others said this is for your boyfriend to iron out.
Why not have a straight forward and honest talk with him. Tell him you will support him in whatever the outcome is. Be honest say it is probably best for him to bond with his child and although you would love to be with him while he is doing so it is probably best for him and his child if they were left on their own.
I think he would appreciate your honesty and support (especially after the dynamic he is going through with the mother of his child).
And don't have a baby with him and don't be jealous that you don't - it takes 15 minutes or so to make a baby really not much commitment. But it takes a lifetime to be a true couple together.
@Linkat,
Quote: it takes 15 minutes or so to make a baby really not much commitment
I have spent 13 years making mine (and it still isn't finished yet).... and it is a hell of a commitment. Am I doing it wrong?
@maxdancona,
Wow you taking Viagra? I hear that after 4 hours you are supposed to report it to the doctor - you are a little over due.
@Linkat,
I have had straight forward talks with him. I do support whatever he decides to do. I just seriously cannot wait until he gets visits without his ex just sitting there. Like the other person said, I guess I'll just stay in the kitchen.
@Linkat,
I do take it to the doctor from time to time. That is part of the commitment, they need checkups and shots.
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