How can I learn to chill out in this new relationship?

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Okay so I'm currently going through a divorce ( I didn't start talking to this new guy until after the divorce paper work was filed) anyway I think i'm losing my mind. Our relationship is strained and diluted down to mostly phone conversations and very sporadic lunch dates. Well on top of that he is not always available at home. He is not a good texter and works long hours at the prison on top of dealing with drama at home with his mom so our conversation has been very limited these past few days. I have basically flipped a few times and I'm worried that if I keep pushing this communication issue I'm going to push him away. I have been very stressed and I feel like i'm always apologizing and i'm tired of always getting angry and telling him how I feel and then feeling bad bc he points out that we are in relationship that is based off limited contact. So how can I learn to just sit back and relax. I really like this guy and would love to see where this goes (i'm trying to move very slowly). I think how much I like him is clouding my best judgment when it comes to approaching him with the negative feelings I have.

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@Ladyrose2591,

You need a hobby.

I ain't kiddin'. You need to focus your time and your energies elsewhere for most of the day. He certainly is - he's busy with work and his stuff at home!

So you need to be busy, too. Take a class. Take up knitting. Start a book discussion group and enthusiastically participate. Volunteer. Go to the gym. Start a cosplay project. I don't know; whatever you like.

You are making this guy 100% of your world. That is not only bad for the relationship; it's also bad for you. Don't lose yourself in any relationship, ever.

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He's your "re-bound" man. Know this.

Recently divorced women seek out and put up with less-than-good-for-us-men because we must fill some kind of emptiness from the divorce. Self esteem is down, lonliness, etc etc. - so we just fill it - with whatever.

This kind of behavior he shows is NOT what you really need. What you need is to find yourself - therapy, hobbies, back to school, etc.

THEN you are healthy enough to find a man that will make you enjoy life.

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@PUNKEY,

Quote:

Recently divorced women seek out and put up with less-than-good-for-us-men because we must fill some kind of emptiness from the divorce. Self esteem is down, lonliness, etc etc. - so we just fill it - with whatever.

Is this also true if the genders are reversed--- do recently divorced men seek up and put up with less-than-good-for-us-women?

If that is true, then recently divorced women should just go with the recently divorced men.... that way their standards will go up together as they get past the divorce.

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@maxdancona,

"re-bound" men (or women) are just that - something to fill the void. Usually don't last, and are often painful, yet exciting.

First pony out of the chute, sort 'a speak.

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Well he isnt a rebound. I have already come to terms with this divorce. I'am in school and I work and I have children. But there are times in my day when i do get some down time and I want to talk and he is unavailable or our communication is fractured. But I agree that I need to occupy my time and thoughts with things other than him.

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@PUNKEY,

Quote:

often painful, yet exciting

That is the definition of a passionate relationship. Dull and boring never did it for me.

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@Ladyrose2591,

Ladyrose2591 wrote:

Well he isnt a rebound. I have already come to terms with this divorce. I'am in school and I work and I have children. But there are times in my day when i do get some down time and I want to talk and he is unavailable or our communication is fractured. But I agree that I need to occupy my time and thoughts with things other than him.

If you see strangers more than the person you are "dating" then you might want to consider someone who is more available.

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How can I learn to chill out in this new relationship?

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