Thu 23 Mar, 2017 07:00 am
Hello, reader. If you are here out of curiosity then you might find the "article" boring, but if you are here, cause you need reassurance for something you want to do although you know society calls it unethical, just keep reading.
I'm not here to give a lecture and a list of ethical BS, I'm here, to share some of my stories and maybe, just maybe prevent you from going through all the shits I went through.
(I will only use my gender as reference for the story, the story implies to both genders, though)
Let's say, you are in a marriage, let's say the perfect one. Everything about your life is what common sense calls perfect, but yet, there is that girl in the office, or on Facebook, or in any other place. She looks good, she is funny, she has no clue about what you are, who you are, and she wants to find out. Yes, she shows that with her body language, her messages on the Internet, her emojis.
You feel the attention and may be as things progress the affection as well. So now, you probably googling about affairs, you try to rationalize your feelings, your wish to have her, you try to explain why are you so eager to risk everything you have accomplished so far, for a woman.
Stop there! Just Stop!
You fueled up the sexual attractiveness with feelings. Didn't you?
Can you see it? Do you make excuses? I'm sure you make excuses already. Don't! What you want, whether you are a woman or a man, is sex! Nothing more. Yeah, I know...women want feelings more than sex. Wrong! If you want feelings, for any reason, you are not reading this, you have already said goodbye to your marriage and you are out seeking with honesty and dignity a new experience.
What you want, gender aside is SEX. A new sexual experience. You imagine the cuddling after sex, the intimacy and the affection, you fantasize them even, but at the end, what you really want is sex.
Dress it up with feelings and you are doomed!
Listen, I've been there. Almost destroyed my life for an affair that I created through the Internet. Always present, in my work, in my home, in my infinite spare time on business travels. It took me three solid months to have sex, three months of anticipation, of anger, of frustration. I did it! Yes! I went that far, and now I regret and I think the best thing to do is let you know, that you will regret if you do it.
Affairs, cannot be real relationships.You can't improve yourself within an affair, you can't plan, you can't dream. Even sex, at the end, will be much better with your spouse that with your affair.
Do you want to know why? Because at the end, the stress and frustration involved will win. Let's assume that you are lucky enough reading this in a very early stage of your forthcoming affair. Let's say, that for now, all you have done, is a few flirtatious messages, or even a personal chat. Let's say that, all you get is some form of attention. Feels good right?
Feels nice, when you get back from your work, on your way to think the words she said to you, that spontaneous comment about your appearance, maybe that little touch when you talked or if it is -as in my case- an e-affair that little red heart at the end of the conversation.
It's a big lie, what you feel, it's a lie based on lies. Every feeling you will create from now on, every word that will come out of your mouth, every gesture of affection you propose, it is a lie.
A lie that will get you to be more frustrated and more stressful and at the end, you will regret, no for what has happened, but for letting yourself to get involved in this situation.
Now personally I think monogamy is unrealistic, needs a lot of self-discipline, a great amount of personal development and awareness and most of all, dedication.
So I don't judge you for wanting to have sex with other people outside the marriage, what I point out, from personal experience is, don't do it!
Don't get involved with another person emotionally, you will feel sorry at the end, and it will take you huge, and I mean Donald's HUGE amount of time to recover.
Women can get the assurance they want with a simple compliment. Men don't. No, we need to go all the way. We need to have sex to emotionally find ourselves in the same position as women. The only way we can boost our self-esteem is through sex. Trust me on this man, it's not worth it!
So be careful out there and use your emotions wisely.
Good advice! It's important for people who are thinking of having an affair to listen to others' stories and not repeat the same behaviors. And you're right, both males and females are guilty. Also, a marriage does not have to be bad for someone to cheat.
I thought mine was stable and truly believe if I hadn't met that handsome, kind, funny, successful, intelligent man, I'd still be married today. But I was selfish and chasing the high I got from how he made me feel. After a certain amount of time passes, I started to realize the pain I caused my ex, my family, and our friends and that's when the guilt set in. I still feel it and believe I always will. I'm still with my AP, but the relationship is nowhere near perfect. Honestly, I wish I would have never met him. Not because our relationship has its issues, but because of the pain I caused to others. Fortunately, I've been forgiven by mostly everyone I hurt, including my ex, but it doesn't make the situation acceptable in any way.
We can't change the past, but we have control of today and the future and I try be the best person I can each day. That's all I can do. I think it's important to forgive yourself but not forget what has been done.
You are not alone!
I recommend divorce, preferably after 10 or 12 years of marriage.
That way you get the satisfaction of a monogamous relationship, yet when the urge for a new sexual partner arises you can have one. Since the marriage has ended in divorce... there are no ethical problems.
The best thing is that with our modern, ridiculously long, life spans we have a full 50 or 60 years of sexual maturity meaning you can have 5 or 6 marriages. That way you can have your monogamy without the suffering, everybody wins.