Can anyone please advise me im lost ???

Forums: Relationships, Cheating
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I’ve been with my partner for 3 years last summer she made the mistake of sleeping with someone else while working at sea in the use to which she confessed to me in jan this year some 5 months later in between this period in sept I visited her for a stay in Spain where she was placed in a ship yard working to where she was raped by a worker but there was a story behind it to that she invited him ack to her cabin for communal sex but in the morning he raped her when she refused more sex so I guess she cheated twice and got raped.

Now 3 weeks ago I said shall I come and visit you for a few days because I hadn’t seen her since November 8th as she was working at sea again. To which she told me don’t I dare come over to visit when there is only 6 weeks left to which I then said why and she then said just **** off and I said your cheating which was my first thought given the past….

So at this point she breaks off the relationship knowing I have bought a engagement ring and was about to propose in April this year. So to make this simple I’ve begged and begged for 3 weeks so fare all to nothing other then we are over I don’t want to be with you etc etc. this has gone on for 3 weeks nearly I asked did she love me did she miss me and can she forgive me all she said yes to apart from forgive me for name calling her a cheat and a lier.

So she said the other day I don’t want to talk to you for my last 4 weeks but ill message when I get home if you want me to and she also said if you want to meet for coffee we can but just because we are meeting doesn’t mean we are going to sort this I can’t be with you and I don’t want to be.
she's said she doesn't want to talk to me for 4 weeks but when she is home she will talk to me and meet for coffee but I shouldn't take it that this means we will get back together

What can be the problem and what can I do ??

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There is no "problem" with her - she does not want a relationship with you. She said she will meet you for coffee, but this could be a "pity response" to shut you up.

Can you accept that this relationship is over? That is the only "problem" here.

I know this is hard, but accepting when a relationship is over really frees you up to find someone else who can and will want to be with you.

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@Apple1979,

Quote:

What can be the problem and what can I do ??

The problem is that she no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. What can you do? Nothing. It is over. No need to even meet her for coffee. You would just be wasting your time.

Frankly, I don't see why you would even want to have a relationship with her. She has cheated on you repeatedly. I think you could find someone who would be more faithful, don't you think?

As an aside, please try to use punctuation when you next post. It makes it so much easier to read when you put periods at the end of sentences.

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@Apple1979,

The real question you need to answer my friend, is whether you want to start a family with someone you don't trust already.

You sound like the victim of the situation, but you're not. Take responsibility of what your mind tells you. You see her as a cheater, you didn't really believe her when she told you about the raping, but then again, you still want her in your life.

So to give you an example, let's say I cook some food for you, and you say to me, this food is disgusting but I want you to keep cooking for me, give me one reason why should I keep cooking for you?

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@Apple1979,

It sounds to me like she's playing you. She wants to have her fun while she's gone and at this point she doesn't want a relationship with you (even after SHE cheated, she's not acting remorseful- she's acting like a total BI*&*). But instead of totally ending things she agrees to meet for coffee once she's back. That makes me wonder if she may want to keep you hanging around to "toy" with when she's back home (she doesn't want you now but may not want you to truly move on so she has someone to mess around with once she's back).

I understand you love her and it hurts; however, this is NOT the type of person you truly want to propose to. Can you imagine a life where you always have to wonder about her cheating, etc? As much as it hurts now you need to cut off ALL contact with her and move on. Find someone who truly loves you and treats you like you deserve. Don't allow her to play games with you and keep stringing you along- you deserve better.

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Can anyone please advise me im lost ???

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