ex and suicide

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Well, this one isnt about "THE EX"...I am moving on Smile

I didnt know what message board this should go on, but I figured this was prob the most appropriate...

My best friend, who also happens to be my exboyfriend from high school (we went out for over 2 yrs...lost our v to each other, the whole deal) just tried to commit suicide. It's been REALLY rough for me esp b/c we talk everyday (I talked to him an hour or two before he tried to kill himself) and we had just gotten together for my birthday, and I had NO CLUE. Anyhow, I visited him yesterday...he has been transported from the medical section of the hospital to a mental health wing...it's like the movies...like an insane asylum or something. I cant even begin to describe it- except it freaks me out. So, I spent the whole day with him yesterday in the medical section, and then an hour in the evening at the mental health wing. He's called me a few times, but when I return his calls, he cannot talk- he must call me (just one of their MANY rules).

So to get to the butt of the problem, my parents from some reason think I'm being obsessive b/c I want to visit him again this evening...He has been here for me through SO MUCH, and I feel like me visiting is the least I can do for him in return, esp when he's stuck in such a horrible place. Him calling makes me think he could use the company too. I guess they are concerned b/c it's a big possibilty right now that I could be part of the reason he tried to commit suicide (def not the ONLY reason, but probably a little part of it) b/c he's still in love with me, although he knows we are just friends now. My question is, Is it right for my paretns to think I'm going beyond what I need to? SHOULD I go visit him? Am I butting myself into business that isnt mine? I mean, maybe he should just be seeing his family?? I'm just trying to help him out, and truth is, this has really scared me too, and just as much as he needs me right now, I guess I need him too.

Thanks in advance for the advice...you all have helped me through some tough times Smile

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Ask him does he want you to visit?

Ask him does he mind you talking to his social worker? (The chances of you talking to his over-worked doctor are very small).

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Hey Amanda,

I have a few concerns:

1.) Is his family being supportive of him? Are they there to help him with his problems?

2.) You say that you may be part of the reason he did this... that makes me think that you being there probably isn't the best thing for him right now. He may need some time away from you to work out his issues. You being there may just remind him of why he did this in the first place.

3.) You mentioned that you need him as much as he needs you... but again perhaps he isn't the one you should be talking to about these problems if you are part of the problems. I would consider finding someone else to talk these things out with... perhaps a counselor.

I think you should ask yourself if going to see your friend is really the best thing for him. Perhaps you could talk to his family as well and see how they feel about the issue. If the answer is NO, then I would just give him some space and listen to your parents.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend and I wish him a speedy, healthy recovery.

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Thanks, I wish him a speedy recovery too!!

Well, we havent actually talked about what he did, or why he did it even while I've visited yet...the point of this mental health clinic thing that he's in now, is to talk with counselors, group therapy, etc...they have only an hour visiting hour, so that visitors don't interfere with them getting better...esp b/c oftentimes the visitors (parents, gfs/bfs) are the reason they tried to harm themselves in the first place. Both him and his family have thanked me numerous times for visiting him...he says how much he appreciates it. I guess I just hope that he doesnt see me as his scapegoat...so that he doesnt need to focus on talking to his family about his problems because he has me. They have been visiting him as well, and I hope they are being supportive...I think they are a HUGE reason he has done this. I think he really needs all the support he can get right now. I realize I am not his counselor, and while I will always be there for him, I'm not specialized to handle such a situation...I dont know.

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Amanda2113 wrote:

I realize I am not his counselor, and while I will always be there for him, I'm not specialized to handle such a situation...

You said it yourself.

If he wants you there and his family wants you there and his counselors and doctors don't have a problem with you being there, then I don't see any harm in it as long as you are only there as a friend... not a counselor. I would try to limit your time though so that he can focus on getting better and moving forward.

It sounds like a complicated issue and would suggest talking to somebody at the hospital to see if you being there is a good idea... It worries me that if you are part of the reason he did this, that you being there would just make moving forward more difficult for him.

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ex and suicide

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