Hi there! I don't know if my answer will help, since i'm from France, but I did spend almost two years in the US, and I don't think that western european culture and american culture are that different, especially in dating issues.
First of all, I think people are free to choose how they want to go through life. You seem to have strong principles, and if you manage to stick with them (with all the countless temptations lurking behind every corner
) then good for you. In the end it all comes down to the girl in question, to whether or not she agrees with your moral standards, and is willing to compromise. I say compromise because you'll both have to change and look for the best solutions.
I'll try to be as objective as possible but I have to mention that I am exactly the opposite of what you're looking for. I date for the fun of it, not because I want a serious life-long realtionship, and I've had several occasional boyfriends.
Quote:In your opinion, how would an American girl see a 28 year old man who never had sex? How does this sound in this culture? Would she like it or see it as a lack of experience? And on the other hand, would she understand how he feels towards her past so that she helps him just really forget it?
Well it may come as a bit of a shock. She might think it's weird. I wouldn't worry about the lack of experience part. I think the important thing is to clearly explain to her (when the time comes) your reasons; if she doesn't understand, well then she's probably wrong for you anyway.
Quote:- How does it sound in a western culture to tell a girl from the very begining that what I'm looking for is a wife and not a girlfriend the western way?
Well it all depends on what she's looking for. Try to find out, before you actually upgrade your friendship, what she wants. If she's also looking for a serious relationship, then she'll probably be thrilled
, there aren't many guys out there willing to commit
. If not, then telling her would probably scare her off, but if you really want to make things work, the best thing is to avoid telling her and take things really slow, with time maybe she'll change her mind... Either way, don't lay it out on her from the start, try talking as friends about these things and see how she feels.
DON'T write her an email!!! Even if you think you'll do better in writting, talking is always the best solution!
You're friends now, so you know, just try to talk to her about your country, and your culture, she'll probably be really interested in finding out things, and this way she knows how you think.
And about "upgrading" a friendship... well that's a delicate issue. Either you both want to, in which case it'll work out fine, either she sais no, and then things might get a bit weird.
Now we're back to the compromises we were talking about. Remember that she'll have to make a lot of them, so you should also try to understand her.
Quote:if she has had several occasional relationships with different men then this might really hurt me, because I think this means we don't share a fundamental vision of life. I'm against occasional relationships, but
I don't know how they are really seen in this culture
Occasional relationships, occasional sex are pretty normal, and yes, it's a physical need. remember for her it's perfectly natural to have had several boyfriends, it doesn't mean that she won't be able to commit, or anything like that. You see, dating is really fun.
I hope this helps a bit..