Confession

I have an addiction to writing porn stories. Short stories following the same character. There are about six of them now. Perhaps I am worrying too much, but I simply wonder what it says about my mental state and my past that I'm so fixated on these stories and this character.

These stories follow a character who is a nineteen year old male recently released from juvenile prison. He begins attending college as a freshman. He is an oversexed womanizer who has already slept with a large number of women when the narrative begins. He indulges wildly in drugs and alcohol. He might be a sociopath. He's also broke and has no real family. After hooking up with a young woman at school in the first semester he snaps a picture of her near the end of the act and realizes that he can make money off this picture. From then on, it becomes a story about his goal to pay off his student debt by making videos of all the women he seduces and selling them to shady porn sites. He's very reckless and impulsive. He never uses a condom, sometimes pays for escorts and has sex with at least one much older woman. He manipulates his male friends, too, and once makes a video of himself having sex with one of his friend's girlfriends. His plan to make money off these videos succeeds for some time. Eventually, though, he meets one girl who he actually seems to develop feelings for and this leads into a situation where he will either reign in his lifestyle and develop something of a conscience or get caught for all his illegal videos and get sent right back to juve.

Does this sound like a good story? If so, it does to me, too, but I almost feel ashamed writing it. It goes into graphic sexual detail and the stories are from the first person point of view of this lead character. I was not like this guy in college even remotely. I had a couple girlfriends and lost my virginity at a more or less normal age. But I'm wondering if writing these stories has more to do with me feeling insecure and wishing I was more of a man like my character, or if it is more that I simply love telling stories but would never admit to anybody in my life that I write this dark anti-hero erotica stuff. I think of it as anti-erotica, actually.

One can find most of these stories on the internet. But that isn't important. I just wanted to get it off my chest that I feel conflicted about writing this content in the first place even though perhaps I shouldn't. And I'd like to know if anybody has any thoughts about the stories or for me.