Advice with an age-gap relationship, 18f with 34m

A 34 year old guy where I work married an 18 year old girl. They're still together a couple of years later. If you're happy, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I'm never one to say that you shouldn't be having a good time - but I would proceed with caution. You will likely learn a lot with your guy, but you may very well miss out on some really great learning years, where it isn't always in your best interest to be attached to anyone.

At the end of the day though - it's up to you to make your own decisions, cause you're the only one that will end up living with the consequences.

Enjoy the ride

One thing that is a huge problem is that you have been lying to your parents. Even if you haven't been actively lying (e. g. saying "We're just good friends!"), you are certainly lying via omission, by not telling them. Your wonderful guy will have to help you with this, don't let him get out of being a part of telling your parents. If you want to be with him, he should accept some of the responsibility for the telling part of things.

I disagree with Jes here...while I think that having an honest and open relationship with my parents is the most important thing I can do (at 28) it's not necessarily as important to some.

At 18 you're old enough to exclude your parents from your decisions if you so choose. I just find that my parents are such a wealth of good advice and past experience that I wouldn't want to go without their input.

The main point I'm trying to make (and not doing such a hot job of it, oops), is that it's often a red flag when you feel you have to hide things from people who are close to you. At her age, I suspect she still lives with her folks, hence there could be a major issue with whether her folks can trust her (and him), if they find she's been doing this. Whether this couple likes it or not, parental support would be very helpful for them, and it'll be harder not to have it, if they need financial help, or help caring for future children, or just good ole love and affection from the folks.

Of course she can exclude them from decisions like this, but telling them flat out, "I'm going to date ___, and I wish I had your blessing but I will do it in spite of not having it." is a far cry from "Oh, ____? He and I are just friends." One is a breakaway from the folks and is perhaps a bit defiant, but at least it's honest. The other is an out and out lie. I think most reasonable people respect the former a lot more than the latter. Starting from the lying angle is going to really hamper the parents' potential future relationship with her fellow. If they marry, it will not be easy if the parents feel that she will lie to them in order to be with him - and that he condones it. All I'm saying is that they'll have to clear the air and if the relationship is a good one, he should be with her when she tells them, so that he can offer his support. If he just sticks her with the chore of telling them, I'd say that's also a red flag.

Lessthankiss,

I can SO relate to you.

My parents tried to keep me away from a guy I liked. I couldn't understand it then....but I do now. Of course the difference between you and I, is that I was only a freshman in high school. I met this guy at a football game. I had gotten a cramp in my hamstring while cheerleading. Ended up benched for the rest of the game.

Suddenly the most gorgeous eyes were staring down at me and with the most softest of voice he asks me if I'm gonna be ok. I was instantly in love (as in love as a 14 year old can be)

He was doing his internship with one of the trainers. In his junior year of college. I was pure jailbait to him. There was really no way of staying away from him as long as his internship lasted, and as long as I was cheerleading.

My Mother is my best female friend. Was then....is now....always will be. I told her all about him. She did the "motherly" thing and tried to explain to me why I can't go out with this person. Why I needed to focus on boys my own age.

This guy and I were very flirtacious with each other. We never dated or anything....but that didn't stop my feelings for him. The only thing that ever happened was a shared kiss that was really not meant to happen. It just sort of "did."

I have always attributed my crush on this guy, for my being attracted to older men. Though in all reality.....even in college, guys close to my own age seemed so immature to me. And I was 17 going into college. Did a 4 year degree in 2 1/2 years.....and still a child in many ways when I graduated. Still looking for that "older" man

Course' if my Mom was sitting in front of you right now she would say I am a young heart with an old soul.

My advice to you.......follow your heart. But know your own boundries. Take it slow and let it evolve from a cocoon into a beautiful butterfly if that's what is meant to be.

Don't be in a big hurry to grow up, though. Life has a way of throwing it's own punches as we go about our journey and sometimes forcing it's pain upon us. Which in turn makes our hearts and our minds age faster then our bodies. As I am sure you understand, since you have tragically been raped. Each little step you take along the way will be riddled with laughter and tears. Make them BOTH count. Always remember....even when bad things happen to us.....we still hold the key to life's destiny. For bad things can be learning tools which make you wiser and stronger.

BIG HUG ((((lessthankiss)))