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Fri 3 Feb, 2017 12:32 pm
Been married for 16 years now. Have three children. Anywho about 3 years ago I started cheating on my wife (19 different women to date). I came clean about one about two years ago after I had developed some deep feelings for the mistress. Long story short, went through counseling all that good stuff. I was a total wreck the whole time but mainly because I could not picture me away from my children. We made a drastic move to another state shortly after the counseling. I behaved well for about three months then I went back to my old ways of finding women on multiple dating sites willing to meet for sex, one night stands and some repeats. I never lied to these women and all knew I was a married man by the way. So....I'm now at a point where the sleeping around has lost its attractiveness, the wife tries to keep me happy but it's not working for me any longer. I'm actually disgusted at thought of being intimate with her, any feelings I've once had for her before are all gone, no love, no compassion, all gone. On top of that I've reached a milestone in my relationship with myself, finding out who I am after all these years. I've game so much up getting married at a young age shortly after getting clean and off drugs, should of headed warning alas I did not. I do have one woman who I continually see and talk to, I fear I have fallen in love with this woman. So that brings me to the present, just had a recent falling out and argument with the wife and told her my feelings for her are gone but he wants to continue working on things for another 6 years till the kids are done with school, I feel that if we stay together the kids will be damaged from being exposed to my toxic decisions. Discussed further with my wife and she has told me the ball is my hands now.
So should I leave? Which I'm closer to the side of leaving rather than stay. Should I tell her of my indiscretions? Insight? Input? Anyone?
Obviously this is the shortest version of my story.
@Thehiddenone,
Counselling.
For you. For your wife. For the kids.
Counselling mght help restore the marriage, or it will help the family work its way through the dissolution.
'Don't waste time ******* around with this. Get the family into counselling - individually and as a group.
It's non-negotiable.
@ehBeth,
Even when I have no love for her anymore. I don't see it working. I really don't. Hmmmm gears turning.
@Thehiddenone,
When you're done, you're done. The best thing you can do for your wife is be honest with her.
We saw a counselor to help us navigate the separation and also to assist with making it easier for the kids, they were 9 & 12. Not that its ever easier, but there are ways to help them with the transition. And counseling for the kids is critical, even if they don;t want it.
@Tiger81,
In my observation, kids are pretty smart, but that likely varies.
@Thehiddenone,
The counselling is what you owe yourself and your family to get out without more damage.
Just do it.
Ever consider that you might be a sex addict? You had other addictions, it's not unheard of that you would move into another one. Nineteen affairs is a real indications.
You cheated on your wife AND SHE STILL STAYED! Yet, now you feel disgusted by her. Why? Is she in the way of what you think is happiness?
Go to counseling. At least you will learn something about your marriage and why it's so unappealing for you and probably torture for her.
Yes, 'staying together for the kids" is a poor excuse. They see an unhealthy relationship between two people who don't love one another. Believe me, they know.
@ehBeth,
I can see counseling being helpfull, not opposed at all. My problem is I hate hurting people, ironic I know with my indiscretions. I feel I ought to keep that to myself. My wife has attempted suicide before we ever met and once after she found out about the mentioned affair. Sometimes the best choices are not the easiest I know. I appreciate the comments and advice folks.
@PUNKEY,
That is the root factor I beleive. Happiness. Her personality I feel is the cause for it.
@Thehiddenone,
Uh. No.
You don't get to blame your cheating on anyone else.
There were other ways to change things. You could have ended the marriage, gone for counselling etc etc.
You chose to cheat. That's on no one but you.
Get everyone into counselling.
@Thehiddenone,
Thehiddenone wrote: I feel I ought to keep that to myself.
let the counsellor work that through with you. you have to be honest with the counsesllor where things are.
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