nevermind

domestic violence
Look in your phone book and find the number for the domestic violence crisis center. If you can't find the phone number, call information or call your local human service's agency and they will provide you with the number. Call the domestic violence crisis center NOW and talk to a counselor.

See also:

Domestic Violence State Resources

http://womensissues.about.com/cs/dvstates/

Dandelion
You expressed your problem clearly. You are physically and emotionally abused. You are a victim of domestic violence. You described various cycles of abuse that you have endured and continued to endure. You need to talk to someone who specializes in counseling the victims of adult abuse. Erasing your post isn't going to change your situation. If you don't get help, your situation can only get worse. Please call and talk to a domestic violence crisis counselor.

thanks debra
i appreciate the advice, i guess i just find it hard to see my situation as a "crisis" AND those people can be hard to talk to. i remember calling a hotline because i wanted to run away as a kid and the lady just answered the phone and said, "runaway hotline", i didn't know what to say, it was really awkward! the plan right now is for me to get my own place and us only see each other three times or so a week. i just don't trust him to give me this space and to hold up his end of the bargain or whatever you want to call it. i just wish i could win the lottery and take off in the middle of the night and leave him a letter. i love him dearly, but i know this relationship isn't doing either of us a bit of good. but the only things i can think of to solve my problem are fantastic and unpractical. i don't know how to address the issue practically. i guess i could make an appointment to see a therapist and get some advice. whatever i do is going to take planning, and i don't like to plan, i just like to DO it or not do anything at all. hmmmm.

dandelion
I wish you luck as you struggle to extricate yourself from a very bad situation.

The crisis center will take you in until you are able to get your own place. Not only this, the address should not be listed in the phone book so that the husbands/boyfriends of abused women can't find them while they are there. I would call and go. Quickly before you find yourself in the hospital . God bless and good luck.