AS THE WORLD AGES

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for
long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name
is."Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just
stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to
know?"
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Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning. Ethel
noticed something funny about Mable's ear and she said, "Mable, did
you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mable answered,
"I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it. Then she
said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my
hearing aid is."
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When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in
the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the
papers delivered when a good friend of the family phoned and
complained bitterly,
"You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied
the widow," I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of
diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him
as a great lover rather than the big **** he always was."
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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park
bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to
me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage,
fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me
homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love
to me for half the afternoon".
I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me
a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love
to me until 2:00 a.m.
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
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Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night
the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting' in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She
starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get
that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then
yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at
the door."
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An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering
wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The
dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes
later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the
back-seat by mistake."