What Should I Do?

He has recently asked me if I would meet up with him and I'm not sure what to do? My head tells me 'NO' because I could really do without the hassles of being involved with a married guy and I KNOW that if I did go and meet him, an affair would result!!! But the temptation to go and meet him is 'GREAT'!!

He says he wants to meet as friends,

Gems wrote:

Stop thinking of yourself and say no. You know it is wrong.

If I thought 'solely' of myself, then I would have had an affair with him a few months after he first married this woman, when he first came onto me!!!

So let's see if I've got this. You KNOW (caps yours) that if you meet him it will result in an affair.
So the question is: would anyone advise you to have an affair with a guy who is married to someone else and who has three kids. Call me a Puritan, but I'm thinking: no.

the difference between being right or wrong isn't in whether or not you are tempted. It is what you do with your temptation. Turn around and walk away. You know what to do. You didn't need to ask anyone, you already knew.

It's also tempting to find out what's happened to people, e. g. is he still cute? Etc.

A guy from my past contacted me a couple of years ago, through Classmates. After 9/11, he kind of reassessed his life and was terrified that I had died (I am from New York and worked in law, it was certainly possible that I'd get a job in the WTC). When he was able to contact me, he seemed relieved but it struck me he was also looking for more, so I was sure to tell him that I am happily married (which I am). At the time, he was single. That changed the conversation, and we exchanged some nice emails for a few months. I lost touch with him again when he had bariatric surgery. Frankly, now I'm the one to wonder if he is no longer among the living.

But that was it, and I am not pursuing it. While I don't want him to be dead, of course, it's not compelling to me to run out and find out for sure.

In your situation, the fellow is doing the pursuing but he is not free to do so. And now he is pushing for a meeting. Even a meeting as friends is inevitably going to turn into something else. You meet, you hug, the hug takes longer than expected, and suddenly those old feelings return and the wife and kids are forgotten.

You're a convenient person for him to contact, as there was an attraction at one time, and you are getting along through email. And, you're currently unattached. So the only thing standing in the way are his pesky wife and kids.

If you meet, something will happen. If you care at all about marriage - even if you don't give a damn about his wife and kids - you should stay away. And, if you care at all about any sort of future with this guy, that's another reason to stay away unless he ends his current marriage. Is that harsh? Yes, of course it is, but you don't need the agita of being the other woman, and his kids don't need the baggage of a divorce complicated by an affair.

And, if he really wants to end his marriage, he should be doing so because that marriage is over - not because you might be available. After all, if he ends his marriage over you, he could end up resenting you. Don't let that happen. Tell him that you don't go around meeting with married men, no matter who they are.

And mean it.

Haven't you changed and grown as a person in the last 8+ years? You are not the woman he remembers--and neither is he the man you remember.

I suspect that his wife "doesn't understand" him. Even if this old boyfriend makes the first and second moves, you'd be the Homewrecker.

A lot has changed since the two of you were together--including those three kids. Lover Boy has picked up a good bit of baggage since you knew him.

Do you think you're the first "other" woman he's been sentimental about during his marriage? Remember, if he'd cheat on his wife (and kids) he'd cheat on you.

Stay firm.