Reply
Sat 16 Oct, 2004 10:49 pm
After a lot of fighting and going back and forth me and my ex are back together again, 100% her initiative, she basically came to me, said she loved me and wanted to see us back together again, something I've been hoping for knowing there must be a mutual desire to make things work, see my older posts for the whole story.
I've been cautious. I do love her, I feel that I am in love with her, and I want to be with her, but since our difficulties, and time apart, time she dated someone else, I've been looking for others. And there's someone else, someone special. Someone around here who doesn't live an ocean away and someone who I want to get to know. Someone I have a thing for, someone who has a thing for me.
I'm not sure I am doing the right thing. Am I just too weak to say no to my ex or is it OK to be ambivalent?
How should I interpret these emotions? We got back together tonight. Maybe I wasn't doing the right thing? Should I tell her I want distance and want to see what else life has to offer? Still, that option isn't that attractive either because a lot of the feelings I had for my ex are still there, and I think we have come so far, overcome so much by now that we would hold together, better than ever before.
Please share your advice and experiences.
that's a tricky one.
What is it about the special other that appeals to You?
Could you recreate that with you ex?
What was it about your ex that first attracted you?
Does the new interest know about the ex situation?
Why do you think you are back with your ex? Is the someone else just your cop out in case it doesn't work out?
hope those questions help in some way!
You ask:
Quote:Is it OK to be ambivalent?
Of course it is OK to be unsure about a woman who has not proved to be particularly reliable.
Tell her that you'd like her to be a part of your life right now, but not your whole life; that your recent rupture was both painful and a time of growth and that you're not going to rush into anything.
Well, I'm not asked for any major commitments now but I want to be honest and true to her. I'll see how things develop. If I feel I want to go with someone else then I will. Maybe our love is more platonic than romantic after the hardship we have been through. I fear that if we strike more difficulties that I'll probably leave for good. I just feel I can find someone more accepting and tolerant.
I expressed my opinion about your past relationship with your ex on one of your other threads using the word "run", and I haven't changed that opinion.
From experience ex's are ex's for a reason and normally the second or third time around it doesn't work, even though you try so hard. This normally happens because the trust isn't the same and and you know for a fact that they can live as they did before.
I believe there is a soul mate for each person and you will find them, just stop looking and they will fall into your lap normally when you least expect it.
KC
KCaus01 wrote:
just stop looking and they will fall into your lap normally when you least expect it.
KC
And sometimes when that happens, we wish it hadn't have fallen into our laps at all!
I'm seeing this girl next week for something that involves work. I don't know what we have going but I can't make a decision about what to do.
Me and this girl have had eyes for one another for over a year, long before I was romantic with my current.
Things between my gf and me are very good but since I'm thinking of others it's obviously not what it used to be. I don't want to be dishonest still I don't know where to go or what to do.
This is complicated...
An update for you guys... after not having said a word for over two weeks, except one word responses and mostly ignoring me, my dear ex has decided to be just that. She doesn't want part in my "chaos", et c, et c... does she ever know what she wants??? But it's the usual, as soon as her own life gets "important", and she got a job now, I don't get ranked just second, but even third and fourth. She can't "afford to spend energy" on me... I feel very expendable.
Glad I got my shrink to bounce things with.
I need to be happy, feel accepted and be in a stable relationship with a stable person, so it's a welcome change, it's been going on for far too long this charade of a relationship. There are other relationships I want to explore.
Good for you.
Maybe in future you'll take your own intuition in consideration, since you had doubts to begin with, and your instincts have proven you, to be right.
Listen to your intuition.
She has so many issues. She just told me she'd seen Closer and felt it was virtually about her own life. Begged me never to listen to her if she tried having me come back, says she'd "destroy" me (verbatim).
Her parents are total sociopaths, half of the things she's told me of her childhood would make anyone get goosebumps.
No one will ever be enough, her own words, I wish I could help her but all I can do is to be a good friend, I love her but I can't have that stuff in my life, the randomness and moodiness that is her, one time begging me to come back, the other consider me less than yesterday's trash.
Life is a long and hard lesson...
Yes it can be, random. But it can also be wonderful...with the right person.
This girl is NOT the right person.
Keep looking.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace