I'm a catfish and i want to come clean

Hi there

I really could use a little help or support with my catfish problem.

Four years ago I started a tumblr page. Back then (and I think there still are )there were a lot of tumblr pages representing famous people or TV series characters, and all the followers could Role Play with them.

Even though the followers knew this page wasn’t really hosted by that particular actress/actor but I think they enjoyed pretending it was.
My page was about an actor who is on a TV series which has a big female following.
My followers liked sharing their ( sometimes erotic ) fantasies or just ask question they would never ask in real life. They enjoyed getting a reply back from that "person" and that’s why a lot of them kept coming back.
Besides all the love letters, questions and more there were always people who wanted to know the real me. They were curious. And I get that completely, but I have always said in order to keep up the mirage it was best I should stay behind the curtain. The question got asked if I was a guy or a girl, that I lied about. I thought, also in the trend of the mirage, it would be best they think I was a guy..

One woman stood out of the crowed. She enjoyed seeing how I reacted and how I made people laugh. How I reacted to the somewhat more intimate questions or stories.
She started messaging me in private. She also would wanted to share intimate stories or ideas she had about this “person”, but I could tell from the start she was really shy about it and was less confident.

I was never out there to let people do things out of their comfort zone, so I remember role playing with her in a funny way. It made her laugh. She made me laugh. And from there we started messaging every day. About our "lifes" , our hobby’s, stories from our past, family.. and sometimes we would role play if she desired. We became good friends. I learned she was married and was 15 years older than me. ( I was around 23 at that time ) She loved her husband but was not bonding with him anymore like a wife and husband should do.
She talked about how they didn’t had intercourse like they used to and she was afraid he would eventually cheat . ( the fact that talking to another “guy” online and sharing your sexual desires is not right at all.. but I want to put that aside for now.)

I tried telling her she should try these things she told me with her husband. Just go for it.
She did. She told me that her talking to me online helped her get confident about herself, about her sex life and about her body. It went on for about a year and a half that we talked daily.
Till a day came she wanted to travel to see me.
Fun fact. She lives in the USA and I all the way across the ocean. She had it all planned out, about taking a solo trip without her husband, travel around Europe and eventually see me. But not only see me.. but slightly hinting in a way she wanted to have one night with me.
I couldn’t let her come over for.. nothing. And certainly not for the reasons she had in mind.
I let her know right away I was not going to let her cheat on her husband with me or any other guy.

After that I got a little silence towards her. We still talked but not as much as we used to. She really took me out of balance with her booty call fantasy.. and i was not ready to come clean about the whole "i'm a girl" - elephant in the room thing. I did miss the everyday talk we had and our friendship, so I started to make myself up. As in I told her I was " seeing" somebody which was the real me. I had this idea of getting friends with her as myself and then slightly erase the “guy” That never happened. I felt uncomfortable with coming out and just let it be. And then she got pregnant with her husband. I was thrilled. I knew she never saw herself as a mother because of her age and of how insecure she WAS about her relationship. So when this happened it was wonderful news. After the baby arrived I let her know we should talk less. She had a family to take care of and I didn't want to be a distraction in her life anymore.

All went silence. Mostly from my part. Today I went online on tumblr and gotten a message from her. Just a " hi there friend" It is so easy falling back in that pattern, just reply back and see how **** goes again. But I can’t do it anymore. I really do still miss her as a friend and i wish we could continue with a clean slate. With the real me.

Now the question is, should i come clean to her?
That i’m writing this all down is for me a big yes but i still got doubts. I guess because i don't want her to be mad or sad about it..
The risk of losing her as a friend is something I have considered. But I rather have her hate me for who I really am than like me for someone I'm not.