Michael Moore Prepares for Hunger Strike

Michael Moore Prepares For 8-Minute Hunger Strike
10/11/2004 - Matt Myford

Rotund documentary filmmaker Michael Moore will conduct an eight minute hunger strike next week, sources said yesterday.
Moore will attempt to abstain from food for close to ten minutes, which would smash his previous record of six minutes and eighteen seconds.

The hunger strike is a protest of President Bush's foreign policy, Moore said. Moore's personal physician, Dr. Andrew Ulrach, will monitor Moore's "upper northeast sector," while a team of nine other physicians will be responsible for various other places about Moore's massive frame.

"840 seconds is a helluva long time for Mr. Moore to go without food," Dr. Ulrach said. "The danger zone will be at the 7-minute mark...if Mike starts to look pale, I'll step in and end this nonsense."

Republican operatives will reportedly roam the perimeter of the strike area with "a multitude of fresh sandwiches and yummy desserts" to distract Moore, sources said.

Dave Mitchell, who will watch the hunger strike, thinks Moore will "fold after two and a half minutes."

Mitchell was bemused at Moore's criticism of President Bush and his "delay" after adviser Andrew Card notified him of the September 11th attacks.